Speaker 0 00:00 Welcome back. You're listening to the closeness podcast. My name is Tari and this is part two of how to say no. Last episode we set the groundwork and gave the understanding that for much of the world women are the ones doing most of the rejecting and men are the ones receiving most of the rejection. Interestingly, I do believe that one of the best secrets a man can apply to his dating life is don't chase women, which can wind up being much more effective, but that is for a different episode. As from moving forward with this episode, I'd like to invite the ladies who are listening to keep in mind a few things. Number one, how rare it is for you to find yourself in a position of actually being rejected in a dating situation where someone's approaching you for the first time, which is usually due to not approaching, initiating or opening a man.
Speaker 0 00:48 Number two, how rare it is that you might ever put yourself in any kind of position to be rejected. And number three, how some of your responses might have become second nature or like a knee jerk response when you don't want to deal with another man who's approaching you. How maybe sometimes it can be a little snappy, rude or inconsiderate, saying no is critical, but has there ever been a time where you've been rejected by a man in a very rude or inconsiderate way? Have you ever had the experience where someone has just blown you off or almost been disgusted that you had even asked him or her a question? Has there ever been a moment where the stakes have been high where you've really been hoping to spend some time with someone and he rejected you or didn't even know you were there? What about in bed when you've needed something important like love, sex or attention?
Speaker 0 01:36 What about those times where you just needed your man to listen to you and he wasn't there emotionally? These are moments where it does feel like the stakes are higher because it's more of a meaningful relationship, but that pain, that feeling of rejection feels the same to most men even when they approach you. And get rejected face to face for the first time. It hurts. Rejection is never easy. With all the work I've done with women over time, from endless amounts of coaching and conversations, I've learned that well frankly, women absolutely loath rejection. You hate it, you hate it so much. It'll make you question your whole relationship or even your entire marriage. If someone who you really like reject seal, it can make you question everything about yourself, especially if it has to do with your appearance and even more so if it deals with how you're desired sexually for this subject.
Speaker 0 02:29 Both men and women need a lot of understanding and patience and to do that, we can't run around angry all the time or snapping at people all the time or assuming that someone else had really poor intent when we feel rejected by them. It's also not a good idea to run around from one date to the next without giving ourselves time to heal from previous wounds where we feel wronged by others so that we're not carrying it forward and into every new relationship and interaction that we have. So if you're a woman, have you ever been looked at in disgust where a man looks at you with revulsion or total disapproval simply because you made a request? That feeling almost certainly creates a very strong <inaudible> in people. I'm not talking about evil, cruel, belligerent or drunk men. I'm talking about men who you regularly interact with who you like.
Speaker 0 03:17 You might be in a relationship with them or you may have just started seeing each other or as men, often experiences could be someone who you're just very attracted to and nothing's happened together yet. We talked in the last episode about how women don't like to dip their pinky toe into the well of rejection. And so if our species is to continue, someone has to do the approaching. Someone has to come up to you and ask if you would be interested to, you know, eventually mate, connect, have sex, be in a relationship or start a new friendship. When people don't interact socially and don't speak to one another and don't open and engage with one another, it creates some pretty devastating results. What do you think happens when women don't approach and men are scared of the wrath they might receive from a woman in response to his overtures?
Speaker 0 04:04 Well, you see it all the time. We're stuck in our phones. People are talking to each other less. Less people are interacting socially or asking each other out or approaching each other without it feeling. What are your favorite words? Creepy. Weird. Uncomfortable. No one calls each other on the phone anymore. People prefer texts. No one leaves voicemails. No one approaches anyone. I recently saw an Instagram post from a girlfriend who's absolutely gorgeous. She without any shame, endlessly post photos of her face, her mouth, her breasts, her ass, her stomach, her workout progress. Frankly, anyone alive looking at her who has a pulse would be very interested in looking at connecting with or sleeping with this woman. And so she did one of those question and answer things where it says, ask me anything or tell me anything. And one guy as to be expected said, when can you fly out to New York?
Speaker 0 04:54 I would love to take you to dinner sometime. Take a moment to think what you might feel if someone said something like that to you and you were posting, you know, virtually naked photos of yourself everyday on Instagram. While the way she handled it was to post a photograph of herself looking very disturbed, angry and upset and kind of a ill face followed by the caption how aggressive and no and what are men thinking to write this kind of stuff. To me it just seems like there's such a disconnect to me behind this idea of wanting endless amounts of attention, wanting admiration and likes, wanting to be desired and admired. But as soon as someone makes any kind of an overture, which by the way wasn't rude, it was in text, it was polite, it had huggy and kissy emojis in it. To me, frankly, it was pretty darn friendly.
Speaker 0 05:43 But not only did she deem this as aggressive, which is a very strong word by the way, it was also accompanied by her making a really disgusted face. So imagine you're this poor guy who wrote that and then you watch the story and she's publicly shaming and humiliating you telling, you know, in more ways than one making faces and then wondering what the heck you're even thinking for asking such a thing from a woman who is virtually naked all the time on her Instagram, constantly seeking attention and approval, always made up, done up and going out. Any of her followers know pretty much exactly what she looks like. Naked opens up a dialogue for you to ask her anything in the world that you might want to ask and making sexually provocative faces with her mouth that literally makes it look like she's having sex with her viewers.
Speaker 0 06:28 It just doesn't make any sense. So enough things like this happen to enough people or enough Watchers see this happen to other people and it makes men feel like, my God, I guess I shouldn't say anything to women if I can't even write a nice reply or I can't even send something friendly. Let's not forget how different this kind of language that this gentleman used is from someone else who might say, Hey baby, are you down to fuck? Are you DTF to a perfect stranger and saying something rude that can actually be considered aggressive or offensive, and I'm actually all for this new phenomenon of women posting screenshots of the horrible things that men are saying to them and really saying, what the hell is going on here? Why would you send this to someone? Look at what this person did. Yeah, when it's cruel or mean or offensive, but the one caveat to that is if you're a woman who is endlessly showing off your sexual organs on Instagram, your boobs, your butt, your stomach, your legs, your asked, your face, your makeup, your lips, and you're making sexual faces and posing and sexually suggestive positions and sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, it is a little odd to then suddenly act surprised when you get sexual attention in response.
Speaker 0 07:39 To me, that's a little like me being appalled and disgusted that if I planted some seeds, a tree wound up growing. That's the natural and biological response to stimulus like that. Even if it's unwarranted and yes, of course men should be respectful and be in good taste and whatnot, but to me the behavior is what's calling that in. For instance, I'm pretty sure that most women who aren't posting naked photos of themselves aren't receiving countless messages from other men saying, are you down to fuck? But it is kind of interesting. I mean I hear about men asking women if they're DTF so much, I have to ask myself, do they have a 30 or 40% success rate? Because it happens so often and so frequently to these girls on Instagram that either men are so thick that they just don't get it and I think it's eventually going to work.
Speaker 0 08:24 Or a very large handful of women are saying yes to this and I'd love to know the answer to that. But when it comes to wanting to get together with someone to meet someone for the first time, when they put themselves out there, they're open, they're vulnerable, they're exposed. I don't know if you know it or you know it too well, but when you're approached, all of the power is in your hands, but so many men get shut downs so harshly. Maybe someone was cold to them or rude or snappy. It's almost as if the person doesn't realize how much power they have and what kind of effect they can have on someone else or they enjoy it. If you don't think you may have reprimanded a man before for even talking to you, how does this come about? It may come out as a look of disgust, a look of agitation or just completely flat out ignoring the person.
Speaker 0 09:12 You might pretend you didn't hear what they said. You might roll your eyes. You might just dismiss him immediately and say, you've got to get back to your girlfriends or have to go or have to run her. Can't talk at all, and this type of experience for the person receiving that kind of projection when they're just left standing there or they feel scolded or you're loud enough where others can see how hard they're getting rejected. This feels like and registers in a man's psyche as public humiliation and that is the ultimate rejection and it's why I'm making this episode to encourage tact, care, communication and respect when it comes to how you reject someone because it's not even something that's hard to do. If you're able to reject someone coldly, you're able to do it in a friendly way as well. If you think about it, don't you want your fellow sisters to have positive, wonderful experiences with other men?
Speaker 0 10:03 Don't you want to be able to feel trust and love for the opposite sex and not that someone's out to get you. We want to highlight our differences, celebrate them and and what that means is we want to have a sensitivity to how the other person might be feeling when you're actually rejecting them. When you tell someone no for whatever reason, you don't have to go through a long song and dance or a long winded explanation or defend yourself or explain yourself to no end. You don't have to tell them your life story. You don't have to apologize. You don't have to make excuses. You actually don't have to do much at all. In fact, rejection can look as simple as this. No, thank you. You know, I really appreciate that. Thank you. But I'm not interested. Thank you. I'm really flattered for the compliments.
Speaker 0 10:46 I appreciate it. I'm really not looking to date right now, so thank you for your time. I really know what I want and what I like and I just have to say I'm not interested right now, but thanks so much for the offer. Hey, I know being a guy, it's tough and that you really don't know when a woman is saying yes or saying no or if she means maybe, or it might work out some time, but I really want to make clear that I'm not interested, so thank you for your time. I'm flattered that you asked and they really appreciate the compliments. Thank you. You seem like you're a great person, but I just have to say no at this point. Thank you. I'm involved with someone who I love very much right now. No, thank you. I'm involved with someone and I know it's not going to change.
Speaker 0 11:22 I'm very happy to be with my partner. Thank you. Anyway, you're asking me why I don't want to give you my number or why I don't want to go out with you. I'm just not feeling an attraction or connection. You know how this goes. You can't choose whether you're attracted to that girl or not and I'm flattered you feel drawn to me, but I don't feel attracted to you myself. Thank you for your time. That one has to be worded with a lot of sincerity. I'm really not feeling this right now and I'd like to stop communicating. I'm sorry for any trouble that this caused. Hey, I know I gave you my phone number and we've been a little bit, but I'd really like to stop texting now, so I'd really like to not be in communication anymore to this. A man may ask why and maybe you'd be willing to give an answer as to why you don't want to talk anymore, but you see the voice and tone to me needs to convey.
Speaker 0 12:08 You appreciate the attention. You're flattered that they're interested, but it's just not going to work for you. There's another little caveat here that's worth remembering too, and that is if you've had an interaction with someone before and it was something that was either neutral or went really well, and maybe you've even slept together before or have been intimate in some way, but for some reason, unbeknownst to him, you are not Intuit anymore, don't you think it would be nice at the very least to share with the person who you gave your body to, your mouth, to your energy, to a little understanding as to why you might not be interested anymore so he has a better understanding of what happened and so he can become a better person. I think that's a critical step. I think the understanding is at least half the battle. I think if everyone truly was able to say, I would like to stop talking to you because dot, dot, dot.
Speaker 0 12:59 I really have a difficult time with the way you chew, but that's indicative of a deeper issue of my own. I'm really not physically attracted to you. I met someone else. I started having sex with someone else. That kind of honesty, but delivered in a sincere and authentic way. Wow. The vanishing just has to stop the ghosting. It's something I hear from both men and women that they have really nice interactions with each other and then poof, they're just gone. They vanish, they ghost. The other challenging part about all this is that a lot of people think that all they have to do to get out of the situation or bring it to a close or never talk to someone again is just to say, no matter how much history you have or chemistry you have or how many times you've spoken or met, you just gotta say, well, I'm not into it.
Speaker 0 13:42 I'm not feeling it. And the other person, as opposed to what instantly get it totally not be in you anymore. Be exactly on the same page as you and just move on in a heartbeat. Women, when you have sex with a man, do you want that guy to uh, come and go? Do you want him to emotionally check out the moment he's done with you? Do you want to feel like he could just abandon you at any moment and walk out of the interaction, the sex, the intimacy of the relationship? Do you want to feel used? Do you mind that if he changes his mind at any time, you're just completely good to go. You have no emotional response to this, or do you like it when he's invested and involved and emotionally connected to you? If you like it when someone's emotionally connected with you and invest in involved, how can you possibly expect that when you magically change your mind or suddenly aren't into it or give no indication that something's wrong and then all of a sudden call the whole thing off that he should be anything other than shocked, angry, pissed, sad, hurt as opposed to, okay or comfortable or water off a Duck's back.
Speaker 0 14:52 Nevermind the other person's feelings, emotions, how involved they are with you. Imagine you've had sex with someone five or 10 times and it's gone really well and you've see each other several times over a few weeks. Can you try to imagine what it might be like if you got a call or a text and the person said, Hey, I'm just not into you anymore. I'm over it. And that was it. Nothing more gone forever. You are blocked. It's like the fact that I have to find words to articulate. This is mind blowing to me. So all of this avoidance, ghosting, blocking, minimal comments, I'm over it. I'm not into it. All of these aren't really ways to say no and they certainly aren't healthy ones. These are ways to get yourself into a lot of trouble, to create enemies, to make people dislike you, and to really shut yourself off from the rest of the world.
Speaker 0 15:45 And if you want to have an unhappy life or have people resent you or not understand you or be frustrated and angry with you all the time, the choice is yours. But there's always a better way. To me, it's hard to imagine that anyone could be listening to all of this and think that it's okay to give anything other than an appropriate response, like some understanding, a little explanation, the same kind of care that you would like someone to take with you when you really like someone because at the end of the day it's not just about saying no and it's not just about what matters to you and your boundary. It's how you're leaving the other person, how they feel, and I think it's erroneous to say I think it's completely wrong to suggest that the other person is entirely responsible for their emotions. You've got nothing to do with it.
Speaker 0 16:33 No matter how you act, how close you get, how you behave towards them, how they feel is on them. I think that's completely wrong. Yes, for the most evolved of us and those who dive into tons of personal work and development and have gone through the fire and hell and also have gone through countless situations like this. Sure. Maybe we are more calibrated to handle things like that, but that doesn't mean that you don't have, at least in my opinion, what I would actually call a moral obligation to be more loving, to have more tact, to be polite and authentic and sincere, but and perhaps most importantly, just having good manners because friends at the end of all this, you have the risk of leaving them devastated, hurt, confused, and then they're going to carry that forward with them into other relationships. Should the choice of someone who says no be respected, absolutely does no mean no.
Speaker 0 17:27 Yes, of course it does. If someone says, I don't want to see you anymore, do we have to respect and honor that? Of course. What other choice do we have? But no does not mean fuck off. Never talk to me again and blocking your number. I hate you. And you don't even know why. If we're the person doing the rejecting, I believe it really falls on us to give some care, sympathy and understanding not just to what you're doing to the other person, but why you're doing it. And sometimes you don't even know or sometimes it's a knee jerk response or you think it's something like I mentioned earlier, like the way they chew or the way they look or dress, but it's usually something deeper. It's usually because you're heard about something or you feel rejected or you feel insulted and I could almost guarantee you more often than not, that other person has no idea why.
Speaker 0 18:11 And that's why I think it's useful to look inside yourself, really figure out what it is and give that person a sincere understanding as to why you're feeling that way. I feel like I'm the kind of person who's always been able to tell when someone is into me or isn't into me. And I remember once there was a girl who wasn't into me and I just assumed it's because she wasn't attracted to me or something about my personality. And because I'm always experimenting with stuff like this, I decided to play out and see if she would actually be honest with me, if she'd be able to get the words out and actually be able to tell me what the reason was. So I could understand what was going on even though I kind of knew and so I said, Hey, I'm really open to hearing it.
Speaker 0 18:52 I'm open to any feedback. What's the deal? Why don't you want to get together anymore? You seemed really interested in keen in the beginning and now I'm noticing a total difference in your behavior, what's going on? I had to ask her 10 ways from Tuesday before I finally got a direct answer. I'm not attracted to you. I don't feel that way about you physically, which of course was completely fine with me and I'd even given her the supposition that I'm expecting to hear something like that, but that fear of hurting someone else or saying the wrong thing is so ingrained, especially in women to not just speak your truth, that it takes constant presence, patience, asking and understanding just to get the truth out and then in the end it was almost like, Oh, do you really want me to say it? Do you really not get it?
Speaker 0 19:40 Do you really feel like I have to say this and just to get her to speak? Her truth was like pulling teeth and I really don't think it needs to be that way. I think we could live in a very different world, especially if someone is open to the feedback and open and receptive to hearing it and this is right on the heels of a very important subject to women. Often I'll hear that when men get rejected, bad things happen. They get defensive, they get angry, they call women names, they say terrible things like fuck you, I didn't want you anyway. They can't hear or receive rejection or they think they haven't been rejected yet and they can't seem to leave well enough alone. I acknowledged that this is an issue and it is something that we need to talk about. It's actually a symptom of a couple problems in my opinion.
Speaker 0 20:25 Number one, being extremely clear with men what your intentions are and what you want and using language such as. I'm not interested to convey with certainty that you do not want any additional interaction with this person. And number two, yes, this is also a lot of men's work and men need to pick up the Slack here. Men. When you hear those words, I'm not interested or you're feeling some form of rejection, you have to know when to let it be, which for women because of how easily they can get frightened or scared or fearful, it generally has to be right then and there in that moment. It's not always about you though. It very well could be and we need to constantly be aware of our reactions when there's a stop sign, when she says, no, I'm not interested, she closes off her body language changes.
Speaker 0 21:13 You see that she gets uncomfortable, that she's not interested. We need to not continue to push and push and come on baby and let me just show you and you don't know yet and where's your boyfriend? And if I was your boyfriend I would do anything for you and just give me a chance and on and on and on. If you really think about it, why would you call someone a name or be insulting or rude when she's actually doing you a favor? She's doing you a favor by telling you that she's not interested in you. You don't want to get involved in a relationship with someone who's not attracted to you or India. It's actually to our benefit to know immediately if a woman does or does not like us so we can stop pursuing and put our valuable time and attention elsewhere and I do want to say, ladies, I believe that the negative responses from men like that are harder to come by when you're letting a man down with presence, sincerity, compassion, understanding, any combination of those emotions.
Speaker 0 22:04 If someone approaches you and says, Hey, I think you're great, I'd love to take you on a date and you give one of the examples I listed previously and I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. I'm really not interested. No, thank you. If it's something thoughtful like that, can you not see how unlikely it would be for a man to turn around and be angry, vengeful, frustrated, or upset? You're honoring your boundaries, looking him in the eyes, speaking your truth. The idea that conflict could come about is just a lot more unlikely. If you've spoken from a place of groundedness, compassion, you've given a friendly response and then you get a terrible answer in return that is not on you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you, but it's certainly not something that you should take personally, but also notice that this type of rejection took one or two sentences, 20 to 30 seconds.
Speaker 0 22:53 It took nothing of your time and it didn't involve changing numbers, texting indefinitely. Finally, ignoring tax and then eventually blocking someone. You nailed it right then and there. Another difficult point of discussion is that women often hope that when they reject a man, he's just going to spontaneously combust or disappear or vanish off the face of the earth forever. That she should never have to deal with him again or give any kind of explanation to him. She said, no, she's rejected him. Goodbye. I for one, would like to know if I approach someone and I get some really strange response, I'd like to be able to say, Hey, are you all right? Is there something I said or did? It doesn't always have to happen that way, but I do think it's fair and it's not rude or inconsiderate to try to continue for a moment.
Speaker 0 23:40 The conversation about what's really going on here. Did I catch you on a bad day? Say something. Is your mind somewhere else? Did you really mean to respond like that? Could it be that there's more to learn from the person who approached you or that there's a different conversation to be had? I don't think it has to mean that if someone isn't interested in something you offer that the person asking has to run away, vanish, disappear as quickly as possible and I think listeners probably in your mind you're thinking this is a sexual and you endo or date or an offer or something like that. It doesn't have to be, you could simply be talking to someone at a sales counter. You could be talking to someone at the beach casually. I'm trying to get away from this idea that, Oh my God, so sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.
Speaker 0 24:19 I hope I didn't do anything wrong. Goodbye and vanish. We are social beings that some conversation can ensue and no, you don't want to get stuck talking to someone for 20 minutes, but a little understanding is nice. This is what's so beautiful about direct communication versus being aloof, elusive, mysterious, distant, shy, or any other adjective used to describe someone who can't communicate clearly. When everybody knows where they stand, whether it's a dating situation or other, when you know what someone's intention is or their interest in you is it has the result that you've wanted all along. You don't have to feel guilty. You don't have to feel bad, you don't have to worry about stringing them along or blocking them. Eventually you let them know up front you're not interested. And then you explain why. The assuming that someone has the capacity to hear that.
Speaker 0 25:06 And I know most women out there feel like they don't owe a stranger anything and they often feel like they don't owe anyone an explanation, even if they've known them. And I counter that and I say, I don't think that's true. I think that if a man hurt you for no reason, you don't understand it, you don't know what's going on and you want to ask what happened? Why do you not find me attractive anymore? Did something change as the way that I am as a cause? He smoked cigarettes or drink alcohol or play too many video games. What's the story? Help me understand what went wrong. I think that's a valid question to be able to ask. That does not mean artistic license to say, Oh well you're ugly or you're fat or I find you disgusting now, or the way that you chew repulses me.
Speaker 0 25:48 It's having tact and consideration and saying things in a way that someone can hear that you'd like to have it said to you. Let's take a look at how people respond when they get asked out when they aren't interested. If you find yourself giving someone else any type of response, that sounds something like maybe next time, not this time. That sounds really great, but I can't today. How about some other time? Oh, let's get together next time. Whenever. Next time is if you're responding in any way that suggests there's actually another time that you'd be interested in getting together. Well, you can hardly be surprised when someone starts calling you, following up with you, asking you out, asking you repetitively, can you come out? You start hearing things like, what about today? What about tomorrow? How's next week looking for you? If your responses to something like that, continue to be, maybe I'm working, here's my physical location. I met my moms, let's try next week. You might be under the grand hallucination and delusion that this is somehow conveying that you're not interested, but to a man, this simply sounds like not yet, and that bears repeating. If you are giving responses that sound like maybe I'm over here, I'm over there. All men are hearing is she wants me, but she just hasn't found the time to spend with me yet. It sounds like you're being truthful about where you are, what you're doing, and you like to get together, but you just haven't had a moment to do so.
Speaker 0 27:23 So when you say to someone, you're at your aunt's house today and you're working tomorrow and you're going out with your girlfriend the next day one, this just sounds like you're busy, but two, and to the point of this episode, you're not saying, no, you're not rejecting. You're not telling the person that you're not interested. You could be telling all of your girlfriends, why doesn't he just get it? Why don't guys just read between the lines? And the answer is you are not spelling anything out. You're being elusive. You're hinting at it, you're trying to do it gently. But for men who are logical and think straight and clear and linear, that doesn't make any sense. Dragging men on like this is really mystifying, especially for a species who loves to say things like, I don't want to waste my time. I've got better things to do with my life.
Speaker 0 28:10 I don't want to feel crowded or scared. I don't want to deal with creepy men. I don't want to have people who are obsessed with me in my life. I don't want anyone having my phone number who I'm not interested in. From my perspective, it's rather simple. If you're 100% certain that you have no interest whatsoever, there is only one thing that you need to be doing using the sentence, I'm not interested. You hear this come up again and again. In future podcasts, it's so simple, it's so clean. It's very, very effective because then you can still be cool. You can be cordial, you can bump into each other at events. You could say hi at the gym, but you've established a real boundary, a boundary that needs to be honored and respected. That doesn't mean that you can't continue to enjoy someone's company, have the occasional chit chatter conversation and that's viable for both men and women.
Speaker 0 29:00 What about if you do like someone's sexually or you're interested in them romantically, but you're pretending to be unavailable or you're demonstrating all the signs of someone who's not interested even though you are? What if you're saying you're busy or sending them your physical location without making any contribution to the conversation such as, I can't Tuesday, but I can Wednesday I can't tonight, but I'm available Friday. A question. I would love to ask almost every woman alive today. When a man asks you out or invites you to do something or even a friend invites you out, why don't you
Speaker 1 29:34 ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
Speaker 0 29:41 ever, ever, ever offer alternatives, a different time when you're available, a better suggestion sometime that would work for you or a different time when you are available, when you're interested in someone, but you tell them no or that you can't or that you're not available at the moment. I would love to know where I want to say all, but I won't. Almost all women learn this incredible skill of only giving an answer of what they're involved with. Without an alternative. I'm busy. I'm working. I can't, I'd love to, but I can't. I wish I could, but I can't. I met my mom's a meadow wedding. I met my sister, I met the doctors. I met an appointment. I'm driving that one, especially I'm driving and then never, not a half an hour later or when you're at your next location or when you're done, give a followup such as I'm available now.
Speaker 0 30:32 Hey, I totally have some time today. Hey, I couldn't get to you earlier, but listen, how about tomorrow? In about 99% of men's experiences with online dating, with dating, with meeting someone new, even with trying to get together with someone who they actually are involved with sexually, you do not suggest an alternative and that, I mean, I really just have no words for it. It baffles me. It's confusing. It's extremely difficult. I'm not sure what's behind it, but I think people are very afraid to make themselves too available. And I think making yourself too available as like sharing your calendar or giving 17 options of when you can get together. I don't think it's too available or that it makes you look bad in any way to be helpful in moving the interaction closer. Have you ever had really busy schedules with someone and he says Tuesday you can, no, I can't.
Speaker 0 31:26 Tuesday. Ah, how about Wednesday? No, I can't Wednesday. Okay, and you go back and forth and both people almost want to give up after two attempts. It's like, Oh, we're not going to get together until next year. It's futile to even try after only two attempts. It's like figured out if you like someone and you're doing anything other than allowing the interaction to move forward, stop that it doesn't work. You're hindering your ability to get closer with someone that you like. Playing hard to get. Being distant, pretending you're not interested. When you really are drawing things out, in my opinion, does almost nothing to help that person stay with you, want you even more or even like you and if you do think that you're doing it because men like to chase, which I go into in a later podcast or because that's what men want or they don't want to have you right away.
Speaker 0 32:16 You don't want to be too easy. You don't want to be interacting with that kind of man who thinks that simply because you are open and receptive and available to get together for a date that suddenly you're less worth it. There's absolutely something to being too available. I get it. We call that neediness or to accommodating or someone who answers their phone so quickly or responds to everything instantly. I understand sometimes you want a little space for things to breathe, but helping an interaction move forward. It's like the bare minimum for a positive interaction. All right, let's move on from all that and give a nice mid podcast disclaimer that if someone, a woman, man, anyone gives you a no, they tell you to stop. It's something that we want to respect and honor. It's not something we're trying to push through, manipulate or work our way around, but you are allowed to ask another question, get a little more understanding, understand where that person's coming from. I can hear the alarms going off in your heads. I know what you're thinking, that you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. That even giving someone the opportunity to inquire as to why they're being rejected and find out what's wrong doesn't sit well with you. So let's explore this scenario. Imagine you're on a date no matter how close you are, this person, someone new, someone you've known forever and you say, do you want to go get some pizza? And she says no.
Speaker 0 33:39 And then you say, do you want to go to the movies? And she says, no. So then you say, do you maybe want to just cuddle and hang out inside and Nope. Then maybe you say, Hmm, maybe I'll go hang out with some other girlfriends tonight. And she says, stop. Stop it.
Speaker 0 33:58 What is the appropriate response here? Do you tuck your tail under and run in the other direction or might you possibly ask some additional questions? Like, is everything all right? What's going on? Can I check in with you emotionally and what are you in the mood for? What would you like to be doing? Or, Hey, can I just check in with you? Is everything all right or does this have something to do with me? Or are you in a bad mood? No, doesn't always have to come about from a sexual place. And it also doesn't mean that when someone says, no, the person should zip their mouth and run away, but now we're going to move into some uncharted territory. What happens when you say no or yes and then you change your mind? Of course. Most people today do not know exactly what they want out of life in any given moment for their business goals, romantic goals, future goals, family goals.
Speaker 0 34:53 Think about it for yourself of the things that you think that you want, do you think those are static and never changing? Do you think that sometimes once you got them, you don't want them anymore or it makes you want something else even more? Of course, we change our minds. As a coach, I often hear from clients, I thought I knew what I wanted, I thought I wanted this and now I want that, or they got something and then they changed their mind. If you really ask someone what they want, doesn't matter what it's about. People will tend to say, I don't know, and this means of course there's uncertainty there. Two things. I'm a huge, huge advocate of knowing myself, knowing who you are, what your preferences and what your tastes are and why you that way. This is a lifelong journey and it changes all the time, but understanding yourself will help you go miles with this stuff.
Speaker 0 35:45 But number two, when you don't know what you want romantically and you find yourself in surprising or unusual situations where for example, something excites you more than you thought it would, or perhaps it turns you off more than you thought it might. We wind up changing our minds, and more specifically what happens is your no becomes a yes and your yes becomes a no. But in today's society, that's really scary. What happens when a girl is saying yes, yes, yes, God, yes, yes. And then suddenly it's no, no, no. Or what do you do when she's given you a very clear no, you've backed off completely. You've respected her boundary, you're not pushing for anything, and then suddenly it becomes a yes. The truth is we are allowed to change our minds. Of course, we all do. It happens all the time, but it carries some serious repercussions.
Speaker 0 36:37 We all want to be able to change our minds freely, just like the wind blink and then make a new decision, but it's a lot more challenging when someone else changes their mind. It's a lot more challenging when your girlfriend tells you she's just going out with her girlfriend for dinner and then it turns into drinks, drugs, an overnight in Vegas and a lost cell phone for instance. It's also not so cool. If you're talking to your boyfriend, your video chatting, you say, goodnight sweet dreams, I'm going to bed, and then you get out of bed and go out drinking with your other friends. It's not so great when you say, Hey, I'm just going to this party with a couple of girlfriends. I'll call you in a couple of hours and then you vanish for 18 hours. We all change our minds, but being on the other side of that is not an easy place to be because when we are honoring someone's wishes, what that means is we have to wrap our mind around what they said and take it for gospel, for truth.
Speaker 0 37:31 And let me say that again differently. Men take women at literal value. If someone says, I'm going to trader Joe's, we don't think that that could somehow deviate and have you wind up going to an all night party with an after party and doing cocaine off someone else's ass and that us asking you about it is going to leave you shocked, pissed off, agitated, bewildered, feeling controlled and upset because someone said, Hey, I thought you were going to trader Joe's for some cauliflower. Nilkie we think that you're going to trader Joe's if we want to interact intimately with someone and they say, no, we must become the embodiment of that. No, we have to accept it. This is what this whole movement of this season of everyone's life is all about. This accepting and understanding and stopping when someone tells you, no, so men back off.
Speaker 0 38:21 We settled down, we pull back. We put ourselves in a state of not moving things forward and not taking more action because we're doing the right thing. We're being respectful and what's happening, which is what should have happened for all time is we are respecting your boundary. When we're listening to someone's boundary, we're not pushing, we're not trying. We're not forcing. We're not trying to figure out the way to get in, but then sometimes you change your mind and you really want to have sex or you really want to kiss more or you want to be touched more or you want him to go down or you want to go down. Something shifts in the dynamic. Yes to being closer. Yes to some soft touching or kisses that were previously shunned. What are people to do when they hear that message? Are we to have you put it in writing?
Speaker 0 39:09 I, Jennifer Lawrence hereby certify that. Initially I said no, but now I want this man to have his way with me. What do you take as the next step? Do you move slower than usual? That might be a good idea, or do you dive right in because now she gave you the green light? Does this need to be spoken about in what do you do when you're in this position? I've found myself in this position numerous times where someone has said, Oh, I just want to take it easy. I don't think I'm in the mood have sex tonight or we're not going to be having sex tonight. Yeah, and then someone gets all hot and bothered, all worked up. I see it in the eyes and her body language and the grinding and the kissing and the licking and the sharing and the removal of clothing that she has something very different in mind.
Speaker 0 39:53 What do you do in a situation like that? I will flat out say to someone, look her square in the eye and tell her, are you sure that you want this? Are you going to feel this hot and excited about it tomorrow when you're thinking about it and remembering it or am I playfully say, are you going to tell all of your other girlfriends about how much you wanted it? But something where I'm making it very clear. We're looking at each other's eyes, we're having a talk, something is shifting and she wants something different. You might find it hard to believe, but in all of my conversations with women over the years that I've been involved with or when I've heard about it from other men and asked different women, almost no one ever has said, I want to be asked permission before someone kisses me and yet this is what we are instructing people to do these days.
Speaker 0 40:41 I don't have a problem with it. I understand the intent behind it and where it's coming from is that idea of getting consent. Consent is everything we'll do, I'm sure, countless episodes on it because it's an interesting subject for me. I've asked a lot of women about this. Most women, literally most so, I don't know, 85 95% say, I don't want to ruin a moment. I don't want something to interfere. I want a man to just know. And part of the excitement is the idea of just being taken or surprised, but what man in today's society wants to take that risk when the consequences are so great and so absolutely from the place of consent, from the place of being safe, from the place of keeping yourself out of trouble and keeping your girls safe and keeping everything kosher, what a wonderful thing to do to check in and make sure the person is doing all right, enjoying themselves.
Speaker 0 41:30 See if there's anything they want to say or share through the process and especially before having sacks. By all means, if it's especially your first time checking in and saying, does this feel good? Is this right? Is this which you want? There are other ways to go about this too. You can make her do the work. You can put it in her court. You could draw her in close to you to show her that you're ready to kiss her and let her lean in. After that, when you've given her very clear signals, you can also invite her to sit on top of you, invite her to put you inside of her, and that's such a beautiful way to do things because then she's doing things on her own volition because she wants to be doing them. She has to make the choice of physically doing something.
Speaker 0 42:14 For instance, not just laying there, just allowing it, but not having an opinion one way or another, not speaking up about something and so she's in that position of control. I feel like that can be a really powerful experience for both people. Again, especially in the beginning, but talking about it as really important too, and there are ways to make things sound sexy. You might say, for instance, are you ready for more? Are you ready for me to kiss you? Come here and put me inside. Compress those gorgeous lips up against mine. I think I'm going to kiss you now. Is that all right with you? Would you like to have me kiss you now? Are you comfortable with me touching you in some other spots? I think I'd like to explore the rest of your body. How do you feel about that? Some women will hear this and think it's extremely cheesy.
Speaker 0 43:07 Make them feel uncomfortable or awkward and don't want any of that. Others are going to hear it and think it's the sexiest thing they've ever heard and feel like it's a welcome gesture. I think it's super important to know how to do all of these things. I think when you meet someone for the first time, knowing where their boundaries are are of course critical, but in my coaching practice, it's not what I'm hearing. What I hear most is that the woman simply wants the man to do it and she'll let him know if there's an issue, if she's, especially in a relationship or longterm marriage, she doesn't want to have to think about what to do or how to do what she likes, what her man's just knows how, and I realized that's one archetype. That's one personality type, but it does seem to be very prevalent.
Speaker 0 43:48 Common quotes I'll hear in the practice are, I want him to take me. I want him to know, and what is all this about? Why do women feel this way or make this request because how often are women stuck in their heads before having sex during and even after. How long does it take a woman to sometimes really relax, really let go open up, share herself with you. Even if you've been having sex with someone for a while, there's still a process of that happening and so they don't want to lose the moment. They don't want to kill the moment and <inaudible> not my words, but they don't want a man to emasculate himself by asking permission to kiss her because in many women's minds, a man who has to ask permission is often not a man that she wants to have sex with because that's a big statement.
Speaker 0 44:40 I need to qualify it again, not all women feel this way. Of course. It's just a tendency that I've noticed in interviewing and speaking to so many women over and over again. They just prefer that type of initiation. But that doesn't minimize, it doesn't make a relevant and it doesn't mean we can forget about all the things we just spoke about previously. We could go on and on into details as to why this is, but for example, women often don't like wishy washy behavior or uncertainty, partially because it's so frustrating when they have it in themselves. Women tend, as we mentioned in the previous podcast to not like passive men or they are turned on by confidence or sexual prowess or the ability for a man to know. And so if those things are exciting, then oftentimes permission feels like something that he should just be able to sense from her.
Speaker 0 45:31 Now, I'm not saying as a man, if you're unsure, you shouldn't ask. Asking is one of the best things you can do no matter what. If it's a first, second, third date because you don't know enough about the other person yet, and in today's day and age, it's just smarter and safer to do so. You'll probably also hear similar things like this from other women in the future when they come on the podcast because I think it's important to hear from intelligent sexual open minded women what they think about the subject too. There's a prevalent belief amongst many women and men that what makes a man a man is his ability to be assertive, aggressive, dominant, demonstrate leadership, go after what he wants and even get what he wants, but in a healthy, consensual way and in a way that doesn't steamroll the girl. So now that we've gone through all of that, what do you think the best thing for a couple to do is when the woman changes her mind?
Speaker 0 46:28 One of the best things you can do when someone changes their mind is to check in verbally. Whether it ruins a moment or not, whether things cooled down for a second or not, just so you're on the same page, especially if you're just meeting each other. And I think you also have to look at other things like body language. How is he or she looking at you? Are they turned away from you or towards you or their arms crossed or not? Do they have a face of discomfort or is she touching you and are her eyes open and receptive and eagerly anticipating your every move? If you find yourself in a situation where you're doing something that you don't want to be doing, it really does fall on you to communicate, to find your voice, to express yourself in some way, to let the other person know that this is not what you want.
Speaker 0 47:16 Men will probably be shocked to hear this. A lot of women just aren't ready to have sex when they're actually having sex. So constantly women are putting themselves in positions where they wind up having sex, the man, because they either think you want it or they think they want it or they think they're ready and then it turns out emotionally they're not because there's this aftermath of regret and you never want to have that. If there's uncertainty, it's worth talking about it. Even if you have to calm the moment down. Let me just make sure I understand what's happening here. Lady X. You thought you wanted to go home, but now you really want to have sex with me. Is that correct? Just so I understand you didn't want this before, but now you really want it now. Is that true for you? You can say it how you want to say it or playfully say it or sincerely and eloquently say it, but it's important that it's spoken for women.
Speaker 0 48:13 I strongly recommend that you do something more than a tiny gesture or exhibition of body language that you think is super obvious, but a man may not read at all, such as shifting your weight, closing your leg slightly, looking down, getting quiet and so on. Men often need to hear no or stop or let's take it easy for a moment, or you physically pull away completely and say, okay, let's take a breather. Maybe once in a while you have to stop the entire thing altogether and say, this has been great. This has been really fun. Thank you. Or I'm getting a little too worked up from hailed comfort or you're turning me on so much, but I'm not ready for this right now or, Whoa, man, I really wasn't expecting this much to happen. Let's reconvene on another day or I just need to leave. Women can be very subtle sometimes, but men need to hear.
Speaker 0 49:07 I thought I wanted to have sex with you, but I don't know that I'm really prepared for it right now. Even something as simple as I thought I wanted pizza and now I want something entirely different. I think I want Chinese men need to hear it and we need to see it. Anything else that's not direct communication for men often just comes across as you getting warmed up to the moment or not feeling ready yet. I know that if you are a woman, you do not want a man who you're not interested in or who you don't want things to go further with, thinking that you're not ready yet. You want to give him that solid? No.
Speaker 0 49:48 All right. Now let's transition into the idea of archetypes. Sometimes it's a little easier to understand things when we give generalizations and we give genders to feelings. In other words, calling things masculine or feminine, we certainly don't have to go this route. We certainly can call assertiveness. Just that shyness, just that and aggressiveness. Just that without attributing it to a man or a woman at the same time, most people in the universe can't help but to have a certain feeling. When you say what is masculine, in fact, think for yourself for a, what do you consider to be masculine qualities? Sometimes it's the idea of being strong or adventurous. It's also associated with emptiness, which is often why men can zone out in front of the television for so long and just watched the game for hours on end. Define death, reducing things down to nothingness, solidarity, decision-making, putting ourselves in danger, the ability to be assertive and directional.
Speaker 0 50:57 Masculine energy tends to be decisive. We make a choice and we line up with it. Masculine energy tends to keep its word and doesn't veer from its choices. If we say we're going to do something, we do it. Now we're speaking energetically here. Not of all men versus all women, but people when they embody more masculine qualities. And again, using these generalizations as a way to speak about 20 different subjects lumped into one, even though there can be completely feminine men and completely masculine women and everything in between without having to label with gender. What about feminine energy? Feminine energy tends to be all things at once. Countless plates in the air, everything flowing, some chaos. Feeling so many things at one time. Changing one's mind, coming to a new decision, nothing being set in stone. Having the freedom to be playful and joyous and free and feminine and flamboyant also can be a little airy or a little less grounded.
Speaker 0 51:57 Feminine is light. Feminists sparkly, the divine feminine moves and dances and changes form feeling like she wants to go out and then flipping her mind to the opposite. I don't want to go out, no, wait, I do. Maybe I don't. Maybe I do. Okay, I'm going to go. I gotta go. I gotta go. So feminine energy tends to be a lot more fluid and mutable and those qualities can be very challenging for people who are masculine oriented or simply put who are men to have things always shifting, always changing. One minute you like him, woman minute, you don't woman it. You think you want to be intimate or have sex with someone, then you don't, then you do, then you don't. Then you're not sure if you should and yes, there can also be men who are wishy-washy or change their mind frequently or line up with a choice and then change their mind last minute.
Speaker 0 52:46 It can be extremely difficult, but check this out. If you actually ask women, do you like these same types of qualities in the men that you date and have sex with and who make you crazy with desire? Someone who's wishy washy cancels plans doesn't show up when he says he's going to, doesn't do what he says he's going to do. Women hate this sort of behavior. I mean as do most people frankly. And so that's interesting to note that if you're that way towards men, is there anything that you may want to do about that? Try to imagine in a business world, for example, someone who regularly changes their mind when big business or a lot of money is at stake or in other people's lives matter. Someone who regularly changes their mind. Someone who says they're going to do one thing and then does another or who shows up late all the time are often regarded as untrustworthy or even unsuitable for employment in the feminine world, masculine energy that's too static, too pointed to single minded and one direction only is boring and uninteresting.
Speaker 0 53:51 It sucks the light right out of you. Picture going to dinner with a scientist who can't stop thinking or obsessing about formulas or writing and it's all they can speak about. They can't put their attention onto you or hold eye contact with you too long or be too present because they're obsessed with science. Single focus. Now of course for this next section I share a tongue in cheek. Yes, of course, but just try to imagine for a moment putting up with a man for any amount of time whose core qualities include being indecisive about what he wants, not knowing what to wear for today's date, not knowing what to wear when we go out to dinner tonight. He loves himself and loves his body than hates himself and hates his life. Maybe he promises to bring something home from the store and then doesn't just got carried away in the moment and lost track of time.
Speaker 0 54:39 He was just having fun with his guy friends but was totally unavailable and unreachable and his cell phone for the third time this week, he just lost track of time. He committed to and agreed to a date and even though they planned it for a week, five minutes before the date, he just cancels and backs out why he couldn't be bothered and then when they plan to date again, he just decided not to show up. But finally on the third date, he just sat there and let her pay because he wanted some dinner that night or maybe he committed to a date and just decide to show up 30 minutes late without any advanced notice. Maybe he told his girlfriend that he's in Vegas and all he's doing is going to see a show, have some dinner and go to bed, but low and behold who to thought plans changed.
Speaker 0 55:17 Everything got switched around and he wound up at the nightclubs strip club and the after party did cocaine once or twice off another girl's ass but then had to go to the morning sunrise party at 6:00 AM but also lost his phone in the process so he couldn't have texted you any information about that. But also incidentally had to try ecstasy for the first time, drink even more and he had to mix it with mushrooms. But that only happened because his friend made him do it. He was making him feel totally guilty for not partaking. Also, he hates the feeling about feeling guilty and not having a good time like everyone else in that word called FOMO. By the way. It also feels really controlling that you try to call so much to check in when he's trying to have a good time. Oh, there's a huge party in the desert this weekend and he's got to go attend that because everybody else is going where he accidentally slept with someone else, but then most importantly, he had some serious drama with some other friends, so he really couldn't answer his phone the entire night.
Speaker 0 56:05 In fact for three nights total. But then once you believe three hours later, someone actually took his phone because some other guy thought it was his, so he didn't have his phone the rest of the night, so he couldn't get back to you for 17 hours and incredibly, his battery dies at least four times a day. It's always low. In fact, it's at 3% by 9:00 AM in the morning and miraculously 2018 he didn't know he could buy a car charger, a lightning charger and ultra fast speed charger, a wireless charger or a charger and an extra battery pack. Honestly though, the yes, for those of you who are curious, those are real life examples. <inaudible> I'm having a rather difficult time imagining what person in the universe today would ever be okay with a man behaving this way. No one finds that kind of masculine energy attractive at all.
Speaker 0 56:48 No one would find a man behaving in that way. Attractive. So likewise. Do you think that if there ever was a woman in the world who I don't know, might behave in one or two of those ways, might anyone think that that behavior is pretty atrocious? Wouldn't it be very unsexy and undesirable? So much of that can be eliminated with direct communication. So much of that can be eliminated by setting boundaries saying yes and no. Specifically setting out terms about highlight to be communicated with and feeling confident about speaking the word no to your friends, to your lovers, to your potential suitors, to the guy in Vegas and to the guy who borrows or steals your phone. Unfortunately, sometimes you don't know if someone's going to behave this way until you're already emotionally invested. Sometimes their worst qualities don't come out until later. You could be dating someone for months and then suddenly out of the blue, it's time for that girls trip to Vegas, that Playboy mansion party, that time where she's going to have an undisclosed friend come into town.
Speaker 0 57:55 That time where he's going out of town for the weekend, that time where he vanishes for three days straight with no response and then appears like nothing happened. Ooh, now there's a bachelor bachelorette party. Now someone's having a bodywork and dessert party. Oh, this is a massage party she wanted to go to without you and what is this <inaudible> an excursion down to a naked beach with only one person that isn't you. So if you find yourself to be one of those types who's more free, flowing, free spirited time doesn't matter for you or perhaps you believe that the universe is always taken care of you because you're always manifesting things from other people, which are their time, money and resources and you pride yourself on and love not being accountable, not being responsible, not checking your phone, never knowing what time or date it is, not responding to questions, not showing up when you say you're going to show up, not keeping your promises.
Speaker 0 58:48 If you love to say you're going to do something and then not do it just because you forgot you changed your mind or you're lazy. Your experience of real closeness and intimacy, the ability to truly connect with another person and trust them and they can trust you, that's going to be diminished greatly. To sum up, I share all of this silliness with you because the way that we treat others, the way that we handle our business, the way that we treat those who are closest to us and also including strangers or people who we don't know is exactly what contributes to how they will treat the rest of society. And then people create all number of defense mechanisms to fight against that, to respond or react to that type of bad behavior. And now you have the war of the roses, the great sex Wars, men thinking all women are this way.
Speaker 0 59:36 Women thinking all men are that way. Everybody losing respect for one another and nobody understands why and nobody wants to let down their guard or give anything. This stuff matters. What we do want to promote, and I know you'd agree for both men and women, is to cultivate a sense of respect for the other person. It's a word we don't get to talk about much, but it matters. It's assuming the best in someone else. It's not taking them for granted. It's being courteous and treating them the way you would like to be treated. It's friendliness, compassion, empathy, all of these great qualities that make us feel so good when someone does it for us.
Speaker 0 00:16 Here are a few final tips. When someone changes their mind, when someone changes from a yes to a no and it involves you. Number one, see if you could catch yourself and remind yourself to not take it personally and to not react defensively. Number two, it can be as simple as someone needing something a little bit different from you right now before going down that route, like more listening, more quality time, more playing with her hair, more hugs, more touching, more tenderness, more kissing, but it may also mean that she just needs a little bit more space. Oftentimes when it comes to a woman who changes her mind from a yes to a no, it's a matter of her needing to feel a little more comfortable connected to you and most importantly, safe and not judged. You can spearhead that by asking the question, is there anything I can do that would make you feel a little bit more safe or a little more comfortable? That question alone asked with sincerity and authenticity can go miles. It shows awareness, it shows empathy and it shows that you're there and willing to be understanding and not just steamroll her for something that you might want.
Speaker 0 01:29 Sometimes even being alone together in the same room can be challenging for a girl and you have to continue to build more rapport and safety. Each person has their own comfort level, their own internal barometer of when they're going to be ready to do anything, and that can shift person to person. It could shift day to day, could shift within the same person, and most people can't even articulate how it works or what's going to make it feel safe. It's generally followed by the sentence. I just know.
Speaker 2 01:58 Okay,
Speaker 0 01:58 so throughout this entire episode, while we've explored some particularly deep subjects, we've always come back to the fact that when someone tells you no, it's something we need to honor and respect. It doesn't mean keep pushing. It doesn't mean keep trying. It doesn't mean insult the person, put them down or call them names and it certainly doesn't mean manipulating them into trying to do something and at the same time, in many cases, when both people feel safe and comfortable, it's not a high tension situation. It doesn't even have to have anything to do with sex or intimacy. It's also okay to get some understanding from the person that we're interested in. Why? Because sometimes a simple misunderstanding or simply understanding where a person is coming from is at the root of being able to connect even more. If you're invested in someone and you both care about one another, maybe just maybe no can be a jumping off point to more deeply understanding the other person and what they want and a starting place for the very least great communication and maybe even an incredible new relationship.
Speaker 0 03:06 We hope you enjoyed part two of how to say no. You're going to see that consent, honesty, communication come up all throughout future episodes of the podcast, but this was a great jumping off place. I hope that in listening to this, it has really stimulated your thoughts on the subject and made you want to discuss it more with your friends and loved ones and maybe even when you're out on your next date, who you've known for 20 years or 20 minutes. For everyone out there who doesn't identify as heterosexual, please know that you are also included in this conversation 100% it gets a little tricky with pronouns and using all the right language for it, but these dynamics apply no matter who you are. I know most of the time our mind goes to a woman saying no to a man, but please also know that all of this applies to men saying no to men.
Speaker 0 03:51 Women saying no to women and to men say no to women. To me saying no is a learned skill. It's a bit of an art. It's not something that we're all born intuitively knowing. Practice, open communication and finding ways to be vulnerable with those who care about will serve you for the rest of your life. Review. You have a question that you'd like to have answered on the closeness podcast. You can submit it through our
[email protected] forward slash closeness if you like what you listened to, and this has helped you in some way. Please also consider donating our Patrion. Thanks for listening and have a great day.
