Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00 Hi and welcome back to season two of closeness. You're listening to how to properly kiss. My name is Tari and I'll be your host on this very sensual tour of how to use your mouth. How many of us love a nice, passionate, juicy kiss from someone that we're really attracted to? What are some of the things you love about that? Is it that someone that attractive would share themselves with you? Is it that you finally get to be close with someone you care about? Is it an unbridled sexual attraction and this is the first step to get closer to them? Is it anticipation, excitement, curiosity? Do you even enjoy the angst or nervousness of hoping you get it right or that you don't rush it too much? What about that feeling when the other person leans in towards us, showing us that they not only like us, but that they are interested in us sexually?
Speaker 0 01:02 There's something sexy and enjoyable about that. Knowing right beforehand that something hot and exciting is about to unfold. Most of us, not only love a good kiss, but we're also self-professed great. Kissers a kiss is a wonderful indicator of interest and as sure fire tell to get to know someone's personality and how they feel about you in a moment. I as a man can tell almost instantly the level of sensuality a woman possesses, how open she's willing to be, how far she's willing to go, how deep we can go together, and if I will wind up being extremely attracted to her or not simply by sharing a passionate kiss. In some cases a relationship can be made or broken by the way you kiss. You can tell what kind of mood someone's in, you can tell how passionate they are. You can tell whether they're upset with you or not.
Speaker 0 01:53 Whether they're receptive to intimacy or not. Everything can be told by the way you interact with someone when your face is right next to theirs. Most of us know that kissing can be both intimate and sexual, but it can also be non-sexual as well and it could also be non-sexual and non intimate and it's very important to remember that as we go through this episode together. Sometimes we get frustrated by the way someone kisses us because it's not the way we learned how to do it or we expect it or the way we would do it or what we've always done since we were a teenager. This like many things is not the easiest subject in the world. It's not something that you just do or just know how to do or just relax and go for it and feel it out. There should be some education on it.
Speaker 0 02:39 I'm sure I'm not the only one who in my past can think on partners who are terrible kissers partners who I had great kissing chemistry with in partners with whom it was just so, so well. How do you think that those partners actually felt about you? Do you think that the partners who you thought were terrible kissers also felt that way about you and didn't speak up well? I think good kissing comes down to a few things. It's a question of course of technique. As with almost anything in life, how much someone actually likes you and you like them. You're kissing chemistry if you will practice the ability to do it over and over and over again. More than one time, five times 10 2030 40 50 times, and then how passionate they are, their personality. Are they super sensual, juicy, open, alive, ready? Are you all of those things or are they timid, shy, closed down, delicate.
Speaker 0 03:40 Don't like bodily fluids. Just kind of want to get it over with and do you fall into some of those categories as well. Then if you wanted to move your kissing chemistry to the next level but didn't know how to go about it, how open is your partner to having a discussion about it? And that's where this podcast comes in, is to facilitate these types of conversations that ordinarily are extremely difficult to have one on one. But if you listen to this together, then it becomes easy to talk about regardless of how many experiences most people have had with kissing, almost no one wants to bring up how they feel about it. They don't want to make the other person feel bad or make them feel guilty and they don't want to rock the boat. They don't want to say anything, you know other than running to go and tell 12 of their friends how bad it was.
Speaker 0 04:23 And the person always has no idea. And this is how bad sex and bad chemistry and bad kissing continues to get passed on from generation to generation. Now there's all sorts of practical issues that come up when it comes to kissing different size mouths and tongues. You've got facial hair, you've got jaw tension, you've cut dry mouth and people who have good or bad breath. And how do you feel about kissing in the morning and how do you feel about kissing after a meal? And what if someone's vegan and the other person needs mean and then you want a kiss right after. I mean there's so many things to think about. This episode's going to take a good hard look at the don'ts of kissing and then give some really good practical advice towards the end. But before we do that, there's one guiding principle that's important to have.
Speaker 0 05:07 I would call it the golden rule. Something my mother taught me when I was in elementary school. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you would not like to be kissed with a dirty mouth or a mouth full of food or a mouth that has bad breath or dry or chapped lips or just cotton mouth or a mouth that just woke up in the morning or a mouth that's been previously really mean or rude. A mouth that's recently had some dental work done, a mouth that has lesions or cuts of mouth that is extremely sore. Anything that you would not like to have done to you certainly don't do to someone else. And I think this is especially for men as well, cause I feel like men have this constant, like I don't give a damn attitude. I don't care when we have sex, I don't care when we're naked.
Speaker 0 05:58 I don't care where we're naked. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Does it matter? Does it matter? And so to consider your partners position, consider what they might like as well, and note that you probably would care if she came to you very dirty or unclean or tasted gross or smelled heavily of garlic or fish or some other disgusting thing like that. I would say the prelude to all of this is consideration. Also, it's my personal belief that things that are intimate and have a strong emotional component to them are memorable and I would never ever want someone's first kiss with me to be where they wreaked of something because then that's what I'm going to think about each time I go to kiss them afterwards like did they brush their teeth? Oh my gosh, does she have bad breath?
Speaker 0 06:43 Is this how it's going to be every time? You don't want to set up a thought pattern like that for something that wants to be the complete opposite of that. All right, so to get started, a lot of the don'ts, the things you shouldn't do, the things you want to avoid when you're kissing and of course generally speaking, the opposite of that is going to hold true for things you should do. None of this is based on, Oh, this one girl one time back in grade school did this to me and so therefore I think no one should do it ever again. These are based on countless experiences, countless conversations, countless questions with clients, countless interviews, so it's a really solid podcast for some good advice on kissing at the same time, it's not gospel, it's malleable, it's flexible. Kiss how you'd like to kiss, explore.
Speaker 0 07:30 I'm certainly not going to tell you that my way or would I recommend is the only way you can and cannot kiss. Of course. At the same time, if you took everything I said to heart here and you followed this advice, I think you'd have some pretty happy customers coming back for more and more kissing is a hot topic because we are too embarrassed to ask about it. Too insecure to get clarification, too proud to get help on how to do one of the most important things in an intimate relationship. Most people think, well, if you've had sex and the sex was good, that therefore through all categories, cuddling, closeness, intimacy, sex, deep penetration, anal sex, kissing, eye contact, gazing compliments, everybody seems to think that they're all good in that department. In fact, I've mentioned in other podcasts when people ask me what I do, half the people in the world say, people need help for this.
Speaker 0 08:23 People come see you to have better sex or need assistance in the relationship department, and the answer is hell yes. Hell yes, they absolutely do. And it's you and you and you and you and everybody else in between, and it's also me. Who on this planet is feeling 100% confident every single day about themselves, their relationships, how someone else pleases them, what you like. Being able to ask for what you like. We all have blind spots, we all can improve and we all need help on the subject. Kissing just happens to be another one of those intimate subjects that gets swept under the rug. Let's get started by first defining what types of kisses are there and what's the difference between what we're looking at in this episode. An intimate kiss and a social kiss. Well, if you've ever visited Europe or many other places in the world, including within some communities and circles here, you'll have noticed that perfect strangers don't seem to have a problem kissing one another.
Speaker 0 09:18 It's a form of greeting, a salutation, a hello. Sometimes it's once, twice, thrice, even four times left cheek, right cheek, left cheek, right cheek. And you can even tell a lot by the way someone kisses you formally. And I think I've spoken about this in other episodes, it's a great way to gauge how someone feels about you right off the bat, what their first impression is of you, and also how comfortable they are in their own skin. So what does formal kissing look like and what does it feel like? Some people do it by turning their mouths as far away from you as humanly possible so that they're not touching you. But they're making the kissing sound and we can analyze this from an intimate perspective. Now if you're in a business meeting or you're greeting someone you'd never met before and it's just a quick formality and nonchalant activity, so be it, but if it's someone that you're interested in, you can pay attention to the way they do it now, that kind of kiss where someone goes through extra trouble to not put their mouth anywhere near you is a telltale sign that they don't want to be intimate with you or they're not comfortable with themselves or they're not comfortable with intimacy.
Speaker 0 10:25 And I would say if you are using that type of a formal kiss as a barometer to see or gauge whether someone likes you or not, then chances are pretty low that they're interested. And I think most of us know what that feels like. They come in, they just go ma, and they kiss the air so to speak. It doesn't particularly feel close. It doesn't feel intimate, it doesn't feel connected. It's more of a formality, not very different than handshake. So that would be a low indicator of sexual interest. What would a higher indicator of interest look like if they turn their head in towards you so that their lips actually touch your cheek in some way. Now we've got something that feels a little more comfortable, a little more intimate, a little more cozy, and if they turn their head and even more, or look in your eyes or gaze in your direction or kiss ever so slightly closer to your mouth, this is a really good sign that the person kissing you might be interested in being intimate with you and I always use as my personal barometer, a sort of gauge.
Speaker 0 11:27 Did they kiss the heir? Did their lips actually touch my far cheek or high cheek bone? Did the kiss move towards my mouth in some way? Was it at the edge of my mouth? Was it on my lips? If for example, someone is kissing you near the edges of your mouth or your lips and they maintain eye contact or they linger slightly, that's a really good sign to me. It shows an openness or receptivity and availability, a curiosity in a way they're letting you know you have more permission with them, more consent, and as always, that's tricky territory. How do you behave when you kiss someone? What's appropriate, what's not appropriate with a stranger? Something as a man that I think is very polite and cordial to do is to never assume that you know how this person is going to kiss you unless you have a history of saying hello, greeting them or kissing them this way.
Speaker 0 12:20 And we go pretty heavily into this when we're doing closest coaching or working on deep listening. How can you pay attention to your partner to understand the signals that they're putting out so you know how to respond in kind. How can you feel her tune in her without being scared or pulling back, but still being receptive and listening to what your partner feels. If you're a man, it's very easy to steamroll another girl by forcing a kiss onto her or putting one where she didn't want it far better to read into how she's giving it to gauge what to do next. So this style of kissing, this cordial, friendly, formal hello kissing it has a very particular sound to it and we all learn to do it when we were children. It has that now the Swhack, the sealed with a kiss, the formal and friendly or cutesy and sweet puckering sound of a kiss.
Speaker 0 13:12 Wow. Now, as soon as you turn that same exact kiss full frontal, you face someone directly, maybe you look them square in the eyes and then you give them a mouth kiss. The whole thing changes. It becomes less formal, it becomes more direct. It might even have a sexual tone to it. And frankly, this is the beginning of sexual intimacy. How do we all feel about mouth kisses? Some of you would never kiss a stranger on the mouth when you first meet them. Some of you think that it's perfectly acceptable to come <inaudible> and give someone a nice full mouth kiss even when you've just met someone or you're saying goodbye after meeting them for the first time. Not with your tongue, not making out, not super juicy, but simply a quarter, second half, a second, one second kiss. And I'll be speaking at length about this in an upcoming episode called instant intimacy where we'll be exploring all of the ways that people can connect without knowing anything about each other and how quickly that can happen and how easily it can escalate.
Speaker 0 14:18 And I'll be using my background in the acrobatic sacral yoga circus field to help explain how a lot of that works. Okay? So let's say that you've met someone and they are kissing you on your mouth in this way, they're facing you, they're looking in your eyes, they're giving you this <inaudible> and you've only just met them. Chances are going to be very high that they are sexually interested in you. Now, if you're a man, I always recommend steering away from this type of aggressive behavior, this planting a kiss on a woman's mouth when you don't even know if it's welcome or not. If you know you're in, that's a different story. But it's a very forward, assertive gesture to just go in and kiss someone. But notice we're talking about scenarios and environments where it's a first time we're outside of your intimate personal relationships where you've known someone for awhile.
Speaker 0 15:09 If you've got a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, of course, you know you have your own routines of how you go about kissing and you can kiss them however and whenever you'd like. Assuming things are going well, a kiss on the mouth, a kiss hello is a really wonderful way to greet your partner when you get home, when you're just starting your morning, when you're saying goodbye, it's taking a moment to connect. I would call that intimacy, so I'll use the mm sound to demonstrate how long you might keep your mouths on each other, <inaudible> or Noah, or you can go even <inaudible> and get lost in it. Any of those type of kisses are just going to feel sweet, tender, caring, and loving, and if you go shorter than that, if you're just quickly making that sound as quickly as you can, then it loses the emotional impact.
Speaker 0 15:58 It becomes a lot less meaningful. Now, interestingly, if you kiss someone with a relatively long pause, for example, <inaudible> in a social situation who you don't know very well, you've only seen a couple times, that same kind of kiss can spark a lot of sexual energy and sexual attraction. And it can also turn someone off really quickly. So use it wisely and know when and when not to use it, which is why I often advise if you're a man to follow the woman's lead. You don't have to be prissy about it. You don't have to hold back and not show your attraction, but you can gauge her interest and then respond accordingly. All right, so you've noticed that until now. We haven't spoken about really making out true kissing. What is it? How does it feel? What does it look like and why is it different than all of these previous styles of kissing we've been discussing?
Speaker 0 16:47 Remember, most women think they can tell if the entire relationship is going to work out or not based on this one phenomenon, the way that you make out or the way that you share your first interactions and sexual kisses. And so we have a foundation to understand what is not a sexual kiss and we've learned it's okay to use a formal kiss wherever it's accepted. It can be formally, it could be in an intimate relationship. It could be how you kiss a small animal or a small child. The ma is often a socially acceptable way of interacting, but it's not sexual for the most part. Beyond saying you just feel it or you just know or you just go with it or you just have that feeling. I'm so not a fan of the word. Just how do you know how to give the <inaudible>? How do you know when you're making out in a way that goes beyond anything formal or friendly?
Speaker 0 17:38 Ask yourself for a moment what turns you on in a kiss? How do you get hot and heavy? How do you have a really good makeout session? What's involved? Is it a memory of being in a college dorm, the backseat of a car being in someone's bed or your parents' house when you weren't supposed to be? Is it an a look, a glance, an intensity, something that you think is intangible that you can't quite put your fingertip on. How does one style of kissing leave you feeling? Not much more than saying a friendly goodbye and another prepares you to have sex. So that's the kind of kiss we're going to be focused on for the rest of the episode. The special kiss, the makeout, the prelude to sex, the thing that gets you going and lets every woman know if you're the one and because there's so much creativity involved in kissing and you really can do whatever you want.
Speaker 0 18:25 I think one of the best places to start is by sharing a lot of the don'ts, the things that you actually want to avoid doing. So first things first, giving someone a formal kiss. The ma, especially if it's quick, unconscious, dry or otherwise hurried, is going to hinder you on your path towards sexual intimacy. It's not that you can't or shouldn't start with a series of nice, soft <inaudible> kisses, but if that's all you do or if you don't begin to open your mouth, if you're spending more time closing yourself off, pursing your lips together, keeping your mouth shut, that genuinely doesn't lead to something hot and passionate. Just think of the idea of being open or being closed, and if we send her that idea around your mouth when things are tight or tense or shut down or you don't let someone in, then that's a closing off of intimacy. Do as you will of course, and have fun with your kisses. But if this is how your make-out sessions primarily sound, when you're kissing your partner, it's not bad and there's nothing wrong with it. It's very sweet. But to build that passion, you're going to want to minimize it for the time being or let it evolve into something else. Think for a moment about what the difference is between giving your partner a loving kiss because you care about them or you like them, and then something that's primal, carnal, and hot. What makes something hot and steamy and I want you to tell me, you know with the power of your mind, if you think that this sounds hot and heavy,
Speaker 1 20:07 okay,
Speaker 0 20:12 now that for instance, is how I kiss my cat. Lots of kisses, kisses all day repeatedly like that. They're cute, they're light, they're fun, they're playful, they don't do a lot to build sexual tension. So even if you've got some romantic music on, you're gazing in each other's eyes and you slowly close your eyes and then you start puckering away or kissing like that. Even if you slow it way down,
Speaker 0 20:43 you can probably already start to tell perhaps even for yourself that that's not hot or exciting or arousing and it likely isn't that way for your partner as well when they or you are thinking about having a hot romantic experience. If you're hearing something like this for the first time, there's nothing wrong. You don't have to feel bad or shame or guilty about how you were kissing people in the past. This is just something new to add to your repertoire. It's learning a new skill and we're always learning new skills when it comes to sexuality. Part of closeness coaching and the deep listening that I offer my clients is teaching people these primary basics about intimacy and connection. So we're spending a lot of time here to really draw the line between what a formal kiss feels and sounds like and what something sexual really feels like.
Speaker 0 21:27 And some of you may be saying to yourself, yeah, that's really obvious, but for a lot of people, this is not obvious. It's not clear. And I think so much of what makes someone a good or bad kisser is whether or not they initiate this way or they continued to make out with you by giving you a constant repetition of a formal kiss when you're being tender, loving and sweet with someone and you want to give them little baby kisses. Mm Hmm. Ooh, I just love you so much. Those are fantastic. You can put those everywhere. They're almost always appropriate. Put them all over. You put five or 10 on her mouth or her neck or cheek all over the place. Those are wonderful, but it's a different feeling. You could even use him as an appetizer to open up to closeness, rope, and up to intimacy or before you start making out. But don't confuse that one with the passion kiss. So with all these interesting sound effects, are you able to draw the difference between something that's exciting for you and something that's not delicate? Soft kisses are always going to engender sweetness. They're going to make someone feel, Hmm, this person really cares about me, or they're being very gentle and kind. Those are all wonderful qualities, but when you're really ready to get down to it, what I'm recommending for don't number one, I'm suggesting that you don't make your entire makeout session centered around the <inaudible>.
Speaker 0 22:49 Number two, I already know this is not going to sit well with some of you. You're going to think to yourself, he doesn't like this. He doesn't recommend this. I love this. I do it all the time. I do this to everyone I meet. You might also be thinking to yourself, you love scarring people, wounds gashes drawing blood, extreme pain, bruising people's mouths or ripping the flesh from their mouth and others of you understand where I'm coming from and think to yourself, yeah, I don't really like that either. Here it goes biting, yes, biting. I could already feel half if not more of the woman in the world cringing and thinking, what? That's my emo. It's part of my entire kissing repertoire. No, I love to bite. It's what I do. Of course you do because you don't know what it feels like to have it done back to you.
Speaker 0 23:36 Now, let me distinguish because later on we'll talk about nibbling, nibbling gently, bringing someone's lip into your mouth and softly running them over your teeth or just a tiny bit of pressure. Great, but chomping down and clamping down on the most sensitive and tender area of your entire body. Save what's between your legs is not sexy and not okay. Haven't you ever had someone pinch your nipple or bite your nipple or touch you in a rough way that immediately turns you off? There's no better way to kill a moment and destroy an evening than when a woman clamps down on your mouth and practically makes you bleed by how hard she bites you. I'm not referring to one particular ex-girlfriend or two or five or 10 I'm referring to the countless people who either unconsciously or consciously think it's okay to do this to someone else.
Speaker 0 24:30 To me, it's a form of violence. I want to be both light and stern about it the same time, but nothing turns someone off quicker than the searing pain or shock of that type of an intense bite. Unless you're someone who's really wired to love pain and we won't get into why that is. Now, many people think is specially women that this is somehow sexy, that if you don't do it, if you're not biting and chomping down on someone during a makeout session that well then you're just not hot enough or passionate enough or can't take it enough oof, or maybe even too vanilla. Often people will say when they're biting that they're feeling sexy, wrapped up, worked up, lost in the moment, sensual. That letting their primal side come out. They can't help themselves. Sometimes girls do it and they're completely unaware that they're doing this and it needs to be brought to their attention.
Speaker 0 25:25 So people, fellows, men, girls, ladies, any time your partner is physically harming you, don't be afraid to stop the whole thing. Interrupt the moment and let a person know, say, ouch. Show them the marks they left. Explain how you will be able to kiss them anymore because the you now have removed a piece of their mouth. Let them know that they've now ruined the experience of dining in that any time something acidic or citrus in nature passes your lips, it stings. I'll tell you a story. I was once picking a girl up from the airport, a very sexy and curvaceous Latina girl. She was coming to visit me for the weekend and we had never actually met in person. And so this was the first time we got face to face. Well as often happens is you can get in front of someone and feel this electricity, and you can call it chemistry or passion or desire, but you have a very strong motivation to kiss the person.
Speaker 0 26:16 And we had that, we had this chemistry. And so within moments of picking her up, we found ourselves entangled in a nice makeout session. And the first few moments were really nice, sensual, passionate, intimate, no was, and then it came to a screeching halt. We were looking in each other's eyes. Our lips moved slowly in towards one another. It's juicy. She's using her tongue a little bit. I could feel her softly exploring my mouth. And then after only about 30 seconds, searing, hot, sharp, terrible pain in my mouth. So as a natural response, I quickly snapped my head back and gave her a very stern look. And for the life of her, she didn't seem to remotely even notice that I was upset or even understand why. So I get back into the action trying to take a deep breath and relax into it again.
Speaker 0 27:04 And then sure enough, seconds later chomp again. So this time I tried to make a really obvious gesture. I pulled my head way far back away from her. I said, ouch. The third time it happened, I said, you're hurting me. The fourth time it happened, I said, okay, if you bite me one more time, this trip is going to go very differently. I don't think I can be intimate with you. That hurts. And this sweet, confused girl looks at me and says, <inaudible>, well this thing, what the endo? I'm not biting you at all. What do you mean? I said, honey, you've done it five times already. I'm not trying to kill the moment, but it's not pleasant. So we tried yet again, and within seconds she caught herself doing it over and over and over. I mean, I just had to tell this girl, look, if you bite my lip again, I'm a bite your clip.
Speaker 0 27:50 But no, it's intense. It really kills a moment. And more than that, it doesn't allow anyone to continue kissing for the next three to five days. It was funny because she even questioned herself if she'd be able to manage continued kisses because she wasn't sure if she'd be able to hold back the biting. Now fortunately I was able to work through my biting trauma and we were able to spend a nice intimate and romantic weekend together and the story has a happy ending, but whether it's done intentionally or not, I personally don't find it sexy, attractive. I don't find it to be a turn on. It doesn't build excitement. If anything, it instantly is a turn off and I think for most people who aren't fascinated and riveted by extreme pain, that's also going to be the case. If you leave marks on someone, if you physically make them bleed or you bite so that their mouth is now tender, then trying to go back and be intimate, your distracted, your mouth is throbbing, it doesn't feel good to be kissed that way anymore.
Speaker 0 28:48 And it's like if you've ever been to the dentist and you've had a serious operation or you've had serious mouth pain or a cavity or a filling in, it really, really hurt. Can you imagine making out with someone in those moments? Sure. Leave bit your lip before by accident and then it's like one to four days of tenderness in there. Sometimes you bite it and then it swells up and then you bite it again and again. You know, and on top of all of this, it's also very unsanitary to draw blood or have an open wound in someone's mouth while they're kissing you. And I'm sure just hearing that grosses you out as well, unless you're a vampire. So do I like to be bit, no. Now let me share with you an even bigger transgression on top of all the biting. So you know how rats have those really sharp two front teeth that can almost go through anything.
Speaker 0 29:32 You could just imagine them biting like, or if you've ever played the cat and they're one of the razor sharp nails, has caught you and penetrated your skin and the shock from them making you bleed made you leap back in pain. Some people also love to kiss like this. They like to get a tiny little piece of flesh or lip in their mouth and rip it off or bite down severely. My friends, this is an abomination and if you never did this kind of behavior again for the rest of your life, you'd be in very good standing with me at least. All right. I think that covers most of it and you now all know the quickest way to get kicked out of my bedroom. I think one of the hardest parts about this subject biting is that people associated with passion, they think it's less carnal, less primal, more vanilla.
Speaker 0 30:19 I say, keep your teeth to yourself or put them somewhere else. Bite yourself, bite someone else's shoulder. You can bite a knack. You can bite all different places or chomp down on your own lip and see how it goes for the next week, but when you get too worked up or wound up or overstimulated and you don't know the power of your own mouth, it's really best to learn temperance. If you are a wild, passionate woman listening to this, it's likely you might disagree with some of this. You might dismiss it, but Hey, maybe it sparks a conversation about how much maybe you can ask your partner if they like it at all. Maybe you can find out if it's something they enjoy or if they want a little bit less or no biting whatsoever. Maybe your partner can bite you as hard back. Make you say something like, Oh, that's how it feels.
Speaker 0 31:06 I'm bleeding for five days now and I can't put food in my mouth. Oh, now I have no desire to kiss any more because it hurts when I do. I get it. All right, so I think we're pretty clear on my stance. They're biting, chomping, gnawing, chewing. All of these things that people do during kissing are very different from nibbling. A soft, gentle nibble or even an intense fervorous one without using force. When you get someone else's lip between your teeth, it's okay to softly buy down a little bit. It's okay to very gently apply some pressure and it's okay to run their lip between your teeth softly to get clear on all these things. I think it's best to just have a conversation about it. With your partner that by far is the easiest way. Do you like biting or if you're insistent on not communicating and you want to just test the waters that you adjust it very slowly.
Speaker 0 31:59 You give a little taste and then a little nibble and you draw someone's lip into your mouth and just gently play with it or glide your teeth over their lip, working them into it slowly noticing their response, looking at them in their eyes, seeing if they like it before going further. All right, number three, doing too much or doing too little. An example of too little is what we spoke about previously where you're just kissing and kissing and kissing, but it's not building and no making out is happening. It's not moving in a certain direction. It's too tepid or too soft or nothing's happening as a result from it once a long, long time ago, I was dating a woman from Belarus, the Eastern block, and the first time we ever made out together, her version of doing that was placing her lips on my lips so she would bring her mouth to me and then just hold her mouth there.
Speaker 0 32:52 There wasn't even the kissy sound, there wasn't even the formal kiss or any type of movement at all. It was just sort of there and lingering. At first, I wasn't sure if she was trying something new or wasn't sure what she was doing and after we tried kissing a few times, I actually had a conversation about it as nicely as I could. I said, okay, can I ask what's going on over there? Are you kissing me? Are you wanting to be kissing me? Did you want to tell me something? And I opened the dialogue for it and she also, as it turned out, hadn't really made out before, even as a woman in her late twenties so I realized we'd have to workshop it and I said, okay, we'll try partying your lips gently, let me explore your upper lip, your bottom lip. You can kiss me back or you can do the same thing to me, but don't just sit there and try not to keep your mouth closed.
Speaker 0 33:41 Let's see if we get some chemistry and excitement building up. And so we explored it together for a couple moments and I was really pleasantly surprised that she didn't get worked up or embarrassed or humiliated or angry or upset. And we had fun with it. And what I learned about her is she was very hesitant and reluctant to ever use her tongue. And I mean even barely or in a very subtle way or delicately or just even have your tongue touch for her. It made her a little squeamish or made her feel funny at first, but we played with it and played with it and played with it until it got more comfortable. A few days after that we actually wound up having really, really great sexual chemistry because I think she wasn't giving herself permission to open up and to share more of herself and sometimes, especially for women, I find they find themselves in a position where there's so used to having men do things to them and for them not expressing their passion or their excitement or what they might want or moving in a way.
Speaker 0 34:43 Even during sex, some positions are really conducive to obviously a woman being on top to her feeling more pleasure and her moving in a way that she likes. Whereas if the guy's on top or he's from behind, that'll often make it difficult for her to really control the movement. And so too with kissing is it doesn't have to be driven by the guy. When a woman has an expectation that a man should make the first move or should be the aggressor or should be the one who's assertive, well then it kind of makes sense that he's the one running the show and it doesn't have to be that way. It could be and should be. An I recommended meant to that it is this mutual exchange. Okay, so what is an example then of doing too much that would be rushing, trying to get your tongue in his or her mouth as quickly as possible.
Speaker 0 35:33 The expression you often hear is he or she shoved or her tongue down my throat. It's a strong statement, but it's not an exaggeration. Many people, when they start making out, it's just tongue in and swirl and swirl and swirl and swirl. And for most people, that's not quite it either. In fact, let me state that differently. Pushing your tongue into someone's mouth or down their throat can actually cause a state of panic and freak out in your partner. It's not sexy. Certainly you can work into intense versions of making out and it could maybe even get to that point, but risk specially right off the bat, especially when you just start off. It's not the best idea. I recommend avoiding overpowering with your tongue and pushing too firmly pressing your mouth against someone's mouth too firmly. Anything that involves moving too fast, moving too quickly.
Speaker 0 36:20 You can bump noses, you can bump teeth, you can bump heads together. So I always like to slow my movements way, way down. When I'm being intimate, it's a curiosity, not an aggression. It can be very pleasurable to be devoured. It can be incredibly essential to have someone not be able to get enough of your face in your mouth, but when things are just starting off, it's nice to have a slow, controlled, smooth pace that starts to work up and build on the excitement. Now you hear me say move things forward, but don't confuse that with me saying not to enjoy the moment. No. When you're kissing, it's beautiful to be in the moment. Present, enjoying the kiss. You don't have to be on to the next thing, whether it's a few minutes or a few moments or 15 or 20 minutes of kissing. At some point you're going to feel like you're doing too little.
Speaker 0 37:15 It's beginning to feel monotonous or repetitive. You've hit all the angles. You've touched on all the different tongue positions. You've explored someone's mouth thoroughly and it's time to move on to something else, but when it's not time for things to move into is keeping your mouth or tongue too rigid and tight or letting it be too loose and limp. To illustrate this, let your arm hang down by your side for a moment. Then just bend your arm to 90 degrees without changing anything else. There's a little energy in your hand. It's not hanging limp and it's not tight. That's how you might like your tongue to be poised when you're about to make out. Now shoot out your fingertips like you're making spirit fingers like you're flicking water off your hand or you're going to very rigidly and enthusiastically shake someone's hand. That's not what you want to do with your tongue.
Speaker 0 38:05 When you kiss someone, you want it to be tender, medium, firm, soft and connected. I would say a softer tongue is certainly better than a hard pokey one Pokemon pointy one, but you also don't want it sort of sitting there and jelly in your mouth at the same time. Now think of a really happy dog who's panting and thirsty and his tongue is just hanging out the side of his mouth just flopping around and when he runs it might bounce loosely. Obviously that's not the kind of tongue you want as well, but what that means is keeping it too soft. That kind of changes feeling of being kissed into the feeling of being licked, licking as a whole subject in its own. Some people can't stand the idea of being licked while others enjoy having theirs. Well, and then you also don't want what I would call the porn star tongue, what you often saw on porn, especially in the 80s when a man's going down on a woman and he's just like machine gun style on her.
Speaker 0 39:00 Oh man, the sounds are embarrassing for me to even make much less do in real life. And I'm sure you're feeling that way too. I'm sure some of you are feeling like, Ugh. So then you can imagine that you wouldn't want to have this done to you. I would say avoid this machine gun style of kissing anywhere on your partner's body unless she specifically asks you for something like this. Anytime that your tongue is going to be in someone else's mouth and I know that even hearing that makes your ears perk up a little bit, you want it to be palatable, something edible like a delicious fruit, like something you want to eat and this brings us to number five knowing that your mouth or tongue is in a very unsavory state or position, but then kissing or having sex anyway. If you've just had a plate of salmon or tuna, if you've just had lunch, you've had a ton of garlic or onions or you've had morning breath.
Speaker 0 39:51 These aren't the times to be heavily making out. In fact, these would be the times that I would bring back the formal kiss. You want to consider what's been in your mouth before you put your tongue in someone else's. I remember the minty ads from the 80s what was the name? Bianca Manaca. It was this nice little spray that you could carry around in your pocket and always have fresh breath when needed. And I think it's a phenomenal idea, whether it's Listerine strips or you have your own little breath freshener piece of gum or a mint. It's always great to have something to at least fresh in your breath before kissing. And of course, I will give you a quick story about this. So my first make-out experience when I was, I believe in elementary school, elementary school or junior high, I was at camp somewhere, I believe in Wildwood park in California.
Speaker 0 40:38 We had all our tents set up. The internet didn't exist. So boys and girls, the only knowledge you are running around with was whatever we heard from our brothers and sisters, our friends at school and our parents. Well, it's somehow came to my attention that this girl named Corey wanted to make out with me. She wanted to have a tongue kiss and I was so nervous about it because I had never done that before. I didn't know what to do. All the other kids were encouraging me to do it. They certainly didn't want to be the one to do it. And Corey was super cute. So we somehow arrange to not be caught by our counselors. And there are a few people around us in a little blue tent. And Corey and I were sitting there looking at each other about to do this thing.
Speaker 0 41:18 We're about to go for it. Uh, and so he did. And I have to say the very few moments of it for being very young kids went pretty darn good. We leaned in slowly and despite my heart pounding out of my chest, uh, we locked eyes for a second and then our mouths touched and we opened our mouths. But then it would have been very successful had it not been for the fact that prior to kissing me, she had eaten a ton of corn nuts. I have to say the whole experience, even though it was sweet and friendly and innocent and fun, was very colored by the fact that I could catch little pieces of corn nut while you're kissing. So, you know, it sounds, it's kinda gross, right? You don't have an experience like that as the first time you kiss someone in elementary school, fine.
Speaker 0 42:07 But as a grown adult <inaudible> you also want to be aware of having chapped lips or overly dry lips. Maybe you're wearing too much makeup to be kissing something to moisturize them, or at least wet your lips before you're going to kiss someone. Oh, and by the way, cigarettes are a huge, huge one that you want to be careful with unless you're both smokers and love the taste of death on your lips and tasting like an ashtray or a street of course, who recommends smoking in general, no one. But if you are a smoker, it's really, really an intense experience for someone who's not. Oh, and by intense, I mean disgusting. When I was in college, I dated someone much older than me for several years and we were always on again off again. We had really great sexual chemistry and actually really, really wonderful kissing chemistry.
Speaker 0 42:52 She was soft and delicate and sensual and romantic. Her mouth was pink and full and just the right shape. But one thing that I always remember that she did when she was smoking, because she was the only smoker that I ever dated. She had a wonderful little routine before we would make out, she would brush her teeth, scrape her tongue, and then she always had the little bit of Listerine strips or Listerine on her as well to make sure I couldn't taste it. And that was such a thoughtful gesture. It was certainly enough to really get rid of most of the taste. But for the record, well one, she actually quit smoking later on, but two, I remember I could still always smell and taste it on her to smell and taste. It almost never goes away on your clothes, your skin, your breath. It's always an undertone in there.
Speaker 0 43:37 It's really not attractive. So it's a great reason to quit smoking. And you know, smoking weed also has, is not as strong of a quality, but you can really, really smell it on someone's breath. It permeates their kind of like the way cigars do. And I know pot's legal, a lot of people smoke at HEC. Almost everybody seems to be smoking at these days and you smell that on someone on their breath. It makes you question and makes you ask, are they high? Are they really high? Do they want to be doing this? Do they have all their faculties about them? All these little things really add up and when you bring them all together or look at the absence of all of them together, it makes for at the very least a neutral kissing experience where nothing's wrong and paves the way to have some really amazing chemistry.
Speaker 0 44:21 Speaking of which often girls four years from the time they're teenagers until they're late in their forties and 50s like to talk about feeling it, you're just gonna feel it. You're just going to know. You know when the time is right. We don't talk about it. We only feel it. Everybody knows what we're thinking. Everybody can read each other's mind. I'm going to know. I can't tell you what it is, but I'm going to know when I feel it. This does not help anyone understand what you need. And more to the point. It's extremely vague and sometimes you don't even know how to put into words what it should feel like, what is going to feel like or what you want. What does it mean to go in for the kiss? If you're not feeling it, it means you're forcing something. You're pushing it. You don't feel that she's also excited or turned on or also wants you to kiss her, but you're doing it anyway.
Speaker 0 45:05 There are times where that may be necessary. If both people are very shy and no one wants to show any emotion or make the first move, but you both want each other, but more often than not, there are so many other things that you can be doing other than kissing. For most people, kissing is the most intimate thing you can do. Short of going down on a woman. For many people, kissing is more intimate than sex, so if you're going in for the kiss, it doesn't feel right. Chances are it might not be. What else can you do instead? Anything else? Eye contact, smile, kiss somewhere else other than her mouth, caress her hair. Put your hands on his chest, hold his waist. You can do anything else under the sun before having to immediately go in for the kiss if it doesn't feel right.
Speaker 0 45:50 So number six is all about is the timing right? And learning to separate what nervousness and excitement is from <inaudible>. This is an off feeling or I could tell she doesn't want it even though I do so badly, so I'm not going to take action. Number seven and the next couple of no-nos are specifically geared towards women. If you're in the mood to kiss, you want to be kissed, you're consenting to kiss, you're ready for it. So a hundred percent clear that you want this. Might I recommend stop talking someone than talk to get comfortable? Some women talk because they're uncomfortable. Some women do it because they don't know how to do anything else but talk. But if you're the type of person who believes that a man should be making the first move and he should be able to read you and he should be able to know exactly what to do and he's doing it and he's leaning in to kiss you and you're still trying to talk and talk and talk and almost pretend that it's not there, but you want it.
Speaker 0 46:44 Take a breath, settle into yourself, prepare for the moment, look into his eyes. Take a moment, feel your own nervousness and anxiousness. This is okay. And allow it. Allow it to turn into something exciting rather than the knee jerk response to chit chat, talk and go on and on and on. I can't remember if I told the story, but once I had one of the most beautiful girls over, I was super drawn to her and we actually had a really exciting night because eventually she undressed. She took her own clothes off, we had an incredible photo shoot together. It was really, really exciting. But prior to getting there, she talked and then talked some more and then talked even longer and then talked again and taught, I mean to the point where I was almost passing out, I didn't have the opportunity to say anything back.
Speaker 0 47:36 I was just listening. I maybe gotten <inaudible> <inaudible> Oh yeah, totally friends. It's not that it's all about taking off your clothes, but two hours went by of one sided conversation before we stepped into something physical. And you know what? I understand if talking makes you feel a little better or a little more comfortable, or if you feel like you're getting to know someone first, but we knew each other pretty darn well already. I want to invite you to imagine how the other person might be feeling or what they must be thinking and consider asking them some questions. If you really need to talk at an excessive level prior to being intimate, would you personally be able to handle listening to someone talk for two hours straight without being able to get a word in edgewise? So sometimes during the moments leading up to intimacy, a woman will be talking right up until the time you kiss.
Speaker 0 48:27 I personally would not want to lean in and have a girl continue to behave as if nothing had changed or nothing had happened. If it was someone I didn't know and I leaned in and the girl kept talking and talking and talking, I don't think I'd move past a couple inches of moving forward because I want her to feel comfortable and safe in her own environment. As a guy, it's much safer for you to err on the side of caution and risk losing a hot, passionate moment because the risk is much greater than the reward. At the same time, I have to say many women behind closed doors don't want someone who is unsure. Some don't want someone who retracts or pulls back easily. They don't want to be kissed by someone and confidently and so it's a very tricky balance to find the right moment if you're kissing someone for the very first time.
Speaker 0 49:14 The second thing that's particularly useful for women is to not be so hungry for attention. Then what I mean by that is most women want things done to them. The man approaches the man makes the first move, the Manley's in for the kiss. I often say in the podcast, women are terrified and petrified of dipping their pinky toe into the well of rejection. Oftentimes, women want the man to come all the way in and even start kissing their mouth before they even give a signal that they're interested, and I'm always talking about someone who's interested. I'm not talking about if you don't want it and someone's pushing themselves onto you and you're trying to show signals that you're not interested, so you're just freezing up and sitting there. That's not what this episode is about. This is about two people who want to kiss one another, but you find yourself because you like attention or because you're scared of rejection or because you think you're a princess and you think everything should be done foreign to you.
Speaker 0 50:14 Whatever the situation might be, you don't put in any of the work. I think it's a gross exaggeration to expect the man to come in 90% and have the other receiving and just slightly barely lean in. And many, many women do that, particularly hot, beautiful women who get tons of attention. They often give nothing at all or they give way, way, way less than they could and in my opinion than they should. And what's sad is they know they're doing it. They know exactly what the guy wants, they know exactly what they could give and they don't. And sometimes it's for really messed up reasons. What are some of those reasons? Of course, inflated self image, low self esteem, their own insecurity and frankly just expecting things to always be done for them because they're so used to having most likely attention thrown on them or given everything they want or having people make the first move on them that they don't lean in when it comes to kissing and in many other areas of life. I personally think that's a bad idea. Closeness is about sharing an experience a man can initiate, he can lean in, he can start, he can look at you with that look. You can feel a vibe, you can get into it, but then at least try to meet him a quarter of the way, if not halfway, that sends a signal to both people. Yes, we both want this. Yes, we want to share this experience together.
Speaker 0 51:40 Number nine is not being adaptable to your partner's kissing style or having something so fixed in your mind about how it's going to go that you don't leave room for any connections. So let's say you'd like to be making out but your mouth is closed or you can't very well do that. If your partner's trying to kiss you or engage with you or if your partner's trying something new. Making out requires a degree of listening, readiness and receptivity where it's not being driven exclusively by you and you're not receiving the feedback exclusively from someone else. You're in it together and so there's a malleability to the kissing, assuming that you're okay with all kinds of kissing from your partner, from intense to really soft and delicate. If your partner starts to kiss you more intensely and more passionately while you want to be able to adapt to that and not do the same thing over and over again. If they start to slow down and get more sensual and look you in the eyes will, you might try going there with them as well, but if two people are doing the opposite thing, it's going to cancel it out and not be very fun.
Speaker 0 52:48 Number 10 for the don'ts and perhaps one of the most important ones is not coming up for air.
Speaker 0 52:55 This is especially useful for people who think that making out is doing the exact same thing over and over and over and over again with no end in sight and never coming up for a breath. Then if sex is involved or any type of intimacy is involved, sometimes it can be a little claustrophobic being attached to someone's face or stuck to their face or making out for so long repeatedly and again, I find that women often fall into this category as well. They get so lost in a, they just want to swirl and swirl and swirl and swerve and swerve and swerve and sometimes several minutes go by of doing the same motion with your tongue over and over again. You wouldn't want to be fingered that way and it's like you haven't pulled your face away for air and just from like a saliva standpoint like have a sip of water, take it easy, have some breathing, let there be an ebb and a flow to making out. Making out doesn't have to have a defined beginning and end. You can make out in phases. You could come to it step away, come back to it.
Speaker 0 54:01 I remember being a teenager and feeling like if I stopped kissing then she might not want to anymore. And sometimes the way girls would respond back made me feel the same way that like if you stop, well you got to fill the void with talking or doing or something else. And that's just not the case. You can kiss and look at each other, kiss and smile at each other, kiss and kiss somewhere else on her body, kiss and have sex, kiss and watch a show, kiss and relax, kiss and cuddle. There's no end to what's possible with kissing.
Speaker 1 54:34 <inaudible>
Speaker 0 54:34 I really want to drive this point home about not being too attached at the mouth, not coming up for air. And I want you to picture in your mind what you think passion looks like or hot sex or great sex or really connected sex. Okay. And then I want you to picture two people kissing or making out and their tongues are just swirling around like doing tongue circles like
Speaker 2 54:57 right
Speaker 0 54:57 wall over and over again. Just all up in there like mm. And for 45 straight minutes as the guy is thrusting and the woman's receiving, their tongues are just going around and around and around. They never separate their faces from each other. Their eyes are clamped shut and they're just swirling around saliva for 45 minutes. Does that sound delicious? Appealing, attractive? Even just picturing, it makes you recoil a little bit, right? So imagine exchanging bodily fluids with someone on that kind of a level. I personally believe kissing is much more of an ebb and flow. It's a give and take. You come in for some, then you look at your partner or look somewhere else or kiss them somewhere else or admire them somewhere else, or don't even kiss it all for a little while and do other things. I'm a really big fan of doing other things.
Speaker 0 55:55 So now that we got all of the don'ts out of the way, let's finally talk about these special keys. So much of great kissing has to do with understanding what to do and what not to do when you understand what not to do. While you can simply for the most part, do the opposite. You can start slow. You can lean in carefully and slowly. Well, by now we know we're not going to be doing any biting. You don't have to close your eyes right away. You can look at the person you're kissing. Some people think that's weird so you can phase in and out of closing your eyes and opening them. You can both lean in for the kiss. If I've been so hungry to kiss someone and wanted to kiss him for so long and men are so visual and we completely shut out the ability to see anything or a girl is getting freaked out.
Speaker 0 56:42 If you look at her and she opens her eyes and yes, you're gazing at her, then it kind of takes the fun out of being able to appreciate who you're kissing. I talk about the same thing in another episode when it comes to turning out the lights. You could be having sex with anybody. There's no way of knowing who you're inside of when the lights are out. It's pitch black in a room and what you could be fantasizing about. I prefer to at least have some dim lighting or candlelight or be able to see the person I'm interacting with. So eyes open or closed. I think it's really a choice. I think it's not a good idea to be like wide eyed and staring at someone. Of course that's a little bit weird, but gazing or looking at them or checking them out or even locking eyes can be really powerful.
Speaker 0 57:24 It's another controversial subject, but holding eye contact while kissing can be very, wow. You're going to find people who hate it. It makes them uncomfortable. Make some self conscious and if you're one of those people, I invite you to ask yourself, is this because you dislike yourself? Do you not like the way you look up clothes? Are you embarrassed of someone seeing you? And if any of those things ring true well, does having someone's face that close to you, is that really a good idea then if you haven't worked on yourself in that way, because intimacy is for me in many ways about being seen. It's about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It's about sharing an experience with someone. Closing your eyes is like putting blackout drapes on your favorite thing to look at. So if you're in a position where you do find your partner looking at you, you don't have to snap at them. What? Why are you staring at me? Why are you looking at me? That's weird. That's creepy. We're looking at you because we like what we see and because we're into you, so we spoke earlier about not making the kissy sound over and over again when we're making out no more new young, well, what do you do instead of that, think about it more as a very, very gentle sucking sensation. Not like a straw, not, but just a nice gentle suck and kiss
Speaker 1 58:54 <inaudible>.
Speaker 0 59:02 There can be a couple of those mixed in a very small amount of sound. No rush. What's a subtle balance of drawing someone else into your mouth or letting them in, but not too much or a letting your lips meet and lingering and they're slightly parted or the sensation if you're going to suck on someone's lip to do it as if you're very, very, very gently sucking on an orange. You're not biting into it. You're not clamping down. You're not trying to suck out all the juice. You're just trying to savor the taste. When your lips touch, you can almost imagine. It's like when you're watching one of those nature documentaries under the sea and a beautiful piece of sea life that waivers back and forth with vivid, bright colors and the way the tentacles gently ebb and flow and there's a gentleness to it.
Speaker 0 59:56 That's a great start for a passion. Kiss this gentle in and out in an out pausing for a moment. Come up to breathe for a little while, make a couple of repetitive motions with your tongue and then try something else. Gently nibble her bottom lip or suck it into your mouth. It doesn't have to be choreographed or super specific. In fact, the less, the better. How you then do it, of course is all up to you, but the feeling and the vibe you're exploring, you're touching, you're feeling into your new environment. It's just like if you were gently touching a woman's clit, you would never just attack the clit, poke at the clit, devour the clin. You would say hello, soft and gently first, and then when you make your partner feel safe and comfortable with you, you have more permission to build and build and build the intensity.
Speaker 0 00:49 Another tip like the cranberries is to linger rather than trying to finish the kiss, stay in different parts of the kiss. If you go in with your lips slightly parted and you touch each other's lips and you softly hold the <inaudible> part and then without making a sound, you just close your lips and pull your mouth back a little bit. Very hard to describe. I'm finding over a podcast. I also like not doing things that are repetitive over and over and over and over again. If this is something that you do, you might think about your approach. When you finger a woman, you would never just pop your finger in and repetitively thrust in and out and in and out and in and out indefinitely. You also wouldn't leave it there or make the same circle over and over and over and over again until God knows when, which would probably just be seconds till she said, get out of there.
Speaker 0 01:40 Well, so too, when it comes to your partner's mouth, there has to be a rhythm, a tempo, and you can create that, but more often than not, friends, it's a lot slower than you think. It's a lot more sensual than you think. And then from there it can be ramped up. So to bring everything to a full stop, there are many paths to a wonderful kiss. It can be slow and juicy and passionate. It can be quick. It can be intense and deep. It can be very superficial and delicate and soft. There's no right or wrong way, but each of us have preferences. What we like when we kiss and so it's not so much that you're doing it right or wrong, but you could be doing it wrong for someone else and vice versa. How do you find out? You talk about it and you ask questions, you talk about it before, after even sometimes during to see what your partner likes.
Speaker 0 02:33 I find so much of great kissing comes down to, of course my signature, deep listening, tuning into your partner, feeling him or her feeling, how they're responding and being receptive, adaptable, malleable, open. And then especially if you're the guy or the dominant partner in the relationship, being able to guide or lead the kiss in different directions, trying different things. Some people when they get too caught up in repetitive motions, it doesn't leave room for someone to explore something else. So, so say for example, you're caught up in one of those kisses where you're just moving your tongue around and around and around and the other person wants to suck on your lip or nibble it just a little bit or run their tongue along your gumline. Yes, your gumline. If you're fixed in a pattern or your mouth is too close or too wide open or it's doing the same thing over and over again, there's no room for that. And so that's why more than a specific technique, it's more about an approach, a softness. It's a curiosity. It's a desire to make the other person feel good, a desire to connect with them and feel them and feel what their mouth has to offer. All of that is happening when you're kissing someone.
Speaker 1 03:46 Okay,
Speaker 0 03:48 and now one final tip. When you're making out, you can always use more than just your mouth. You have your body, your chest, your arms, your hands, your fingertips, and all of that can come into play when kissing. And so don't be afraid to experiment with lovingly running your fingers through someone's hair if you really care about them, pulling them closer to you by putting your hands around their waist or their shoulder blades or their back. Some people don't like having their face touched sometimes because they're having skin problems or because they wear too much makeup. But if you do love having your face touched, you know it's such an incredible loving feeling. And so if you know that about your partner, you can explore touching their face while you're kissing them. And then depending on how well you know your partner, the entire rest of their body is available for discovery. See how deeply you can go with just a kiss, see how excited and turned on you can get your partner just by kissing them, without having to move it forward to something else. Experience what it's like to really connect with someone with a level of closeness that almost everyone else in the world will never get to experience with them.
Speaker 0 04:57 And that brings us to a close. If after listening to this, it really gives you a desire to dive deeper into what all this looks like. If you feel like you might want some personal coaching on what this or any other subject looks like as it relates to intimacy, if you'd like to be in a safe environment with your partner where you can get real time feedback about something, felt how good it was or what needs improvement without feeling shame, guilt, or embarrassment, what should you do? Well, you should consider joining the closeness coaching program and getting real one on one or two on one support with me here in sunny San Diego or via video chat wherever you are in the world, and that's a wrap for closeness, kissing, coaching, closeness, kissing, coaching, completed. There are 50 other episodes to choose from and listened to season one, season two.
Speaker 0 05:45 They're all really wonderful and they go deep into countless sexual and intimate subjects. If you found this episode helpful or interesting or fascinating or curious or you think it might be helpful for a friend, share it with them, text it to them. Subscribe to our YouTube channel by searching for closeness, podcast on YouTube. Check out our website, get closeness.com even consider contributing to our Patrion. At patrion.com forward slash closeness or maybe I'll get the chance to meet you one on one and I really look forward to the opportunity to do that. Listen, getting sexual help is not easy. Whenever I take on a new client, no one's running through the door, jumping for joy, super excited that they're about to get sexual help. People often don't view it that way. It only shifts once you're in session, but if you can get excited about it now, if you can realize, wow, the things I can learn, the things that I can open up to do or open my partner up to do or the pleasure I can experience with them, that is such a great time to get help, but for most people, it winds up being crisis.
Speaker 0 06:45 It winds up being at the last minute. It winds up being, they have no other help, nowhere else to turn. They come to me and we fix it, but it's cutting it really close. You don't want to be at the end of your rope wondering if your marriage is salvageable or if the relationship is worth staying in or the sex has been so bad for so long that you don't think you can tolerate it anymore, so you're no longer patient with your partner. I would so much rather that you come to me before your next girlfriend or boyfriend, you come to me before you're on the verge of breaking up. You come to meet when things are already good and you want them to be better, or they're just starting to get a little stale and you want to freshen it up. That's the time he gets sex and intimacy coaching. Thank you for tuning into another edition of closeness. My name is Tari and I'll see you in the next episode.
