Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Closeness podcast, your new sexual education. My name is Tari, I'm your host and over the last year we've been publishing a lot more video based content that is intimate, sensual and sexual. And other social media platforms such as YouTube X Instagram and TikTok. Links are in the description if you want a different kind of experience.
Now, weekly and sometimes even daily in my practice I come across women who I would very clearly describe as being high, highly sexual. Her drive is higher, she's more sexual usually than her boyfriend or husband or female partner. And frankly, whether you're single or in a relationship, I think it's extremely important for you to know as a woman if you in fact are a highly sexual woman and if you're a man, if you married one, because it will actually guide every aspect of your relationship with her and inform you about how to interact with her. I've never seen anyone else talk about this phenomenon, so I wanted to make.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: A video about it.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Of course you can watch this video on closeness.com and all of the aforementioned media platforms, but if you're already subscribed orally, here's the full discussion. Let me know what you think in the comments and I hope you enjoy.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: You may already be familiar with the idea of a highly sensitive person or an hsp, but today I want to introduce the concept of a highly sexual woman or an hsw. Just for fun, you hear me talk a lot about how a woman is only as sexual as you allow her to be or as you inspire her to be. And by allow, I don't mean give her permission or tell her verbally it's okay you're allowed to be more sexual. What I mean by that is that the way that you carry yourself as a man or the way that you act around your partner indicates to her, non verbally how sexual she will allow herself to be around you. If you're a man who pulls back or recoils or is scared of her sexuality. If you're a man who's nervous to move forward or nervous to be more assertive, confident and aggressive with her in a way that she likes, her sexuality decreases and she may hide it from you for years. It may never come out in your relationship or marriage. In fact, some people have been married for 30, 40 years and are still unaware of how sexual their female partner is. For the ladies listening, let's see if we can define some of the characteristics of a highly sexual woman. What I find super interesting about women like this is they fall into a few different categories that aren't always immediately identifiable and they aren't always obvious. For example, it may be stereotypical for a man to think or a person to think that if a woman is very sexual, she's obsessed with sex all the time, she's thinking about it, she's being sexual, she's flirting with her co workers, maybe she's touchy feely, who knows? But more often than not, highly sexual women get involved with men who are good men. And I am reluctant more and more to use the term good guy because it's such a misnomer. I think everyone wants to be treated well in relationship. I think everybody wants to be shown respect and love and care.
So good guys do get a bad rap. But good guys also have a lot of other qualities that really, really reduce a woman's sexuality, her ability to express it.
For example. One of those is when a woman marries or gets involved with a sexually inexperienced man and or a man who's far less sexually experienced than she is. Women by default have instantaneous access to sex from the very first time they want to have it. At any age that they want to have it, sex is available.
Highly sexual women have often had a string of experiences. I often see strong correlations with sexuality for women who are in the military or Navy. There are a lot of strong correlations for women who have experienced any kind of sexual abuse in their past, Though it doesn't always have to be this way. And because most men like to jump to sex right away or have sex or just go for it when they're having fun in their 20s and they're going out and they're partying and they're in Vegas or the proverbial foam cannon parties, bachelorette parties, and anywhere else that mischievous things happen at girlfriends houses, in bathrooms, in cars, in airplanes, and anywhere else that she's had a hot experience, it sets a tone. And even if a woman might say on the outside, objectively, I want a good guy who loves me and adores me and worships me and does whatever I want, which, by the way, I don't think are all the appropriate qualities in relationship still sexually, there's that craving for something that's much more intense.
Unspoken, highly sexual women crave passionate, hot fucking often and frequently. However, not all women like that are willing to say it. In fact, I would say most don't. What will happen is they keep that part of themselves secret, Very similar to the vagina, how it's folded in and tucked in and hidden and no one will ever know if she's horny or wet or not. If you don't have the eye for it, women will keep that part of themselves in hidden, repressed or unused. Or maybe it only lives in fantasy when she's masturbating. Maybe it only lives in fantasy, period. Maybe she writes it down or writes erotic love stories. Maybe she expresses that sexuality in different ways. And so your man thinks it's great because he admires that quality about you or thinks it's fun, but often doesn't make the connection for how to make the sex a lot more intense or a lot more passionate and juicy.
Now, one of the most challenging things that couples face is when a man wants to interact with a woman. And a man comes close to her, he's often too nice. He looks at her with puppy dog eyes, he looks at her sweetly and like he loves her and like he's so attracted to her and like she's so beautiful. Which winds up conveying that he feels unworthy, inadequate, doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to handle you. Now couple that, ladies, with the fact that you probably have reprimanded him one too many times about how this doesn't feel good, that doesn't feel good. You're doing it too hard, you're doing it too soft.
Please be more aggressive with me. Please go softer. No, that actually hurt. It makes a man absolutely blow a fuse because he has no idea what you want.
And because you probably married or are dating a good guy, of course he doesn't want to be on the extreme end of hurting you, harming you, causing you pain, waking up the next morning and saying, oh my gosh, you were too aggressive with me. And then him having to deal with that pain or shame for the rest of his life.
So men stay away from wanting to be more aggressive with you, especially if you've reprimanded him.
Men also don't understand the difference between intensity, passion, hot fucking and disrespect, meanness, cruelty, yelling, or whatever idea they have about what being aggressive means. So men tend to vacillate from one end to the other. They're either nice, too needy, too sappy, or they're too aggressive and disrespectful. And it's hard to find that in between place. And that is likely why your sexuality has remained dormant for this long. So what are some other qualities of highly sexual woman?
Most of you do not want to be touched in a soft and gentle and sensual way. That doesn't mean never. It doesn't mean A man can't caress you lovingly or be sweet to you. But if he's just there rubbing your shoulders or holding your hands or kissing your forehead, or he's never building sexual attraction by looking in your eyes and maintaining positive, healthy, sexually dominant body language, he's too busy kissing your neck, kissing down your body, or going down on you or turning you from behind, so often he's lost in a sort of daze while you're sitting there having things done to you.
You're allowing it, you're dealing with it because you don't want to teach. You don't want to show him the right way because you expect him to know it's frustrating for you. You don't want to mother him, and sometimes you might even think he doesn't get it. So you allow this sort of what you would consider mediocre sex to happen. A highly sexual woman wants a man to know what to do with her. She wants a man to know how to handle her. She wants a man to be able to look at her from across the room, move forward and start doing things to her. Interestingly, some very sexual women don't present as horny immediately. They just stand here and look normal. They don't have a badge that says it. You can't tell if she's soaking wet. Very, very subtle signs exist to know if she's there or not. Some very sexual women need to be turned on in their head first. Other women are very physical, like men, and they see a hot guy or a big cock and it turns them on immediately and they want to have an experience with that. And of course, some women can enjoy all of those things.
What I find that women like this need is a series of intense interactions that move her through the sexual experience.
Most men have a default move. They slap you on the ass, and they think that you're suddenly going to be super horny and wet and ready to have sex. They come grab on you a little bit. Now, you might appreciate that masculinity a little bit. That might make you feel slightly aroused or curious, but it's very likely that it doesn't make you feel.
The number one secret phrase that all men and women need to know, Wanted, wanted and desired.
If you ask almost any man, what do you do to make your woman feel wanted and desired? He has no idea, doesn't even know what to tell you. Maybe pay attention to you, do nice things for you, touch you a little bit, or massage you. But what is that feeling?
For me, it's the knowing it's the intensity. It's the way that he looks at you in your eyes that says, I'm going to fuck you right now. And you're going to love it. You're going to love every minute of it. And when you feel that knowing from a man, you instantly become soft, feminine, and submissive. The most aggressive, powerhouse, extreme feminist of a woman will often become immediately soft and submissive in the presence of masculine assertiveness, confidence, and dominance. From a man who she is attracted to, from a man who she is interested in, from a man who she feels that she wants him or she's lucky to be with him more than, say, somewhere in the 50% range. If her attraction physically and emotionally leans towards more than 50%, it's highly likely that she will become more soft and feminine and receptive. What does that mean?
That means that as a man, you can do almost anything you want to her. I don't mean harming her. I don't mean being disrespectful unless she craves behavior like that. When I talk like this, I have to be able to accommodate all people to the global population.
Everyone's got to know, no, it's not okay to hurt women, harm women, manipulate women, disrespect women, treat them like crap. At the same time, there's a whole other subset of women who like that to a degree in a certain context, especially in the bedroom. And that's a much smaller set of women. Okay? And then you have over here on the other extreme women who want intensity, masculinity, passion, aggression, dominance, assertiveness. And often, many wives want their man to do whatever he wants to her. She wants to feel his desire. She wants to feel wanted. She wants to feel sometimes like she's helpless or hopeless, and he just does whatever she wants to him.
But that happens in relationships and sexual interactions where the woman is significantly attracted to and has a high interest level in her partner. So there's a lot to take in here. It's like a mini podcast episode on the whole subject. But most of the good guys who you women get yourself involved with are, I don't say disrespectfully at all, but they're just not aware. They don't have a clue about how sexual you can be. So I want to come back to this phrase. A woman is only as sexual and as you allow her to be or as you inspire her to be. If your man is nice and sweet and careful and he's learned to back away because you've reprimanded him a few times. He's not going to be able to escalate to a level of sexuality that's going to turn you on. Women also hide their highly sexual nature. They might masturbate to porn. They might put all sorts of things inside of them. They may have fantasies of being with multiple people. They may wish that some random person would just come and have their way with them.
But none of this is spoken. And often none of this is spoken even to their own girlfriends. It's just something that they keep for themselves.
For men, it's easy to understand. We have these fantasies all the time. Some men fantasize about a threesome. Some men fantasize about having sex with her and her and her. Some women do the same thing. It's just not spoken now, because women fall into a few different categories, not a million different categories, just a few.
And you have highly monogamous, highly traditional women who are disgusted and repulsed by promiscuity, having sex with multiple men. There are many women who are turned off by this. And a lot of those women have shamed other women for being promiscuous. Anytime a woman is sexual, men love it. But they're also intimidated by it and sometimes scared by it, and sometimes don't know what to do with it, or sometimes love it when it's with him, but not when you go and do it with two to five or 10 or 20 other people. So it's this very hidden thing that doesn't get spoken about very often.
And it's hard to decipher, even for men who are in relationships for decades, the kind of sex that you might enjoy having now. Plenty of women have been with men who just bang them out like a rabbit. They're just hitting it and hitting it and hitting it. It's kind of mindless. Some women like that, some women don't. But highly sexual women enjoy intense erotic sex. A very intense, passionate way of fucking. The speed can increase, but there's something that is taking them out of their head while they're getting fucked that they love and they latch onto. And a lot of women need a certain level of intensity and passion in order to come. In order to reach orgasm, a lot of very sexual women need to not think. And in order to get a woman there, a man's passion or intensity has to match or exceed, ideally exceed a little bit. Her passion, her ability to keep up. Yes, most women are insatiable. Yes, most women can fuck for hours and hours. Yes, many women can come and come and come and last Way longer than any guy can. So your stamina has to be there, and your ability to give her a certain kind of sexual experience regularly has to be there.
A lot of guys don't have the desire or the need to put in work. A lot of good guys just want to go down on you and make you come that way, or hold a toy on you and make you come that way. But you're missing out on that primal aspect of sexuality. So, as you can tell, highly sexual women have a very special place in my heart. It's something that I've been very keenly aware of. It's sort of a specialty of mine to do work in this area and help women like you get exactly what you want and teach your partner how to become the kind of man who. Who can give you what you want. Another specialty of mine, whether you come in alone or together, is that I help you get to the truth of your situation.
That means is it possible for you to get your needs met with the person who you're with now? And that's a very, very hard conversation. I don't say ever, oh, he'll never be able to, or you need to find someone else. That's a terrible thing for a coach or a friend or someone who's offering guidance to say.
But I will help you get clear in your head as to whether you both believe that that's a possibility or someone will have to do a lot of sacrificing. It's not an easy decision. It's not something I take lightly, and I prefer to spend my time teaching your male partner how to give you that. But a lot of men are afraid to do this. A lot of men don't want to step into that role. And again, I'm not talking about extreme BDSM punishment and torture and harming your female partner, talking about giving her the kind of intense sexual experience that she longs for. I hope that you can see that from listening to this. This is a very nuanced conversation. It happens all the time that I get female clients in who want to be ravished. They want to have this incredible, hot sexual experience, but they too present like this, where they're just a beautiful woman who looks great, but no man would have a clue that she wants that intensity. And by the way, when I'm doing this, I don't just mean rip off her clothes and fuck her, although some women do love that. I mean, finding a way to keep the passion hot the whole time. When a woman comes in and just presents like a Normal looking girl. And you wouldn't be able to tell her from a sweet Pollyanna homemaker who's super monogamous and faithful and only wants sex with her one partner and has only been with one partner versus something else that you might be craving.
It takes a lot of steps to get you there. And a man needs to know that it can't just be that that suddenly just sends you over the edge. You need intense eye contact. You need to have a willingness to be undressed and put on display. You want to be put in different positions and had different ways. You want to be taken in all the delicious ways. And guys, if you made it this far, she still sometimes 10 different things into turning her on and getting her excited is still going to look like this and you're going to feel, why isn't she giving me more? Why isn't she showing me that she wants this? Some women just don't until they are sufficiently aroused and then it all comes out finally, often in session. It will take one to two hours of building up a woman's sexuality to finally get her there because it's been dormant for so long, or she's been nervous to let it out, or she needs to feel safe first or she's so super horny, wet and excited, but she's scared or embarrassed to show that she's that turned on. We have to help get you to a place of understanding that that's okay. That's delicious. That's hot Sometimes. There's been religious programming, upbringing, parents never kissing and touching, never getting any exposure from your family and friends, and a lot of that does a real number on us. We carry this wounding or brainwashing or poor belief systems all through our entire life. And then sometimes we deal with the shame and the guilt of it. But if you're in your 20s or 30s or 40s or 50s and you'd like to let go of that, heck, it doesn't really matter your age. You could be as old as you want. Why do you want to carry that through every generation, through every decade of your life? I still feel guilty when I still feel bad. I still feel uncomfortable naked or coming or coming more than once or doing it with the lights on or whatever it is, it's important that no matter where you are in your sexual journey, we work through that. So for all my highly sexual ladies out there, you're welcome to come in for a session. I've got you. I know what you're looking for, I know what you need, I know what you expect. I know what you're hoping to get and it's all done with consent, conversation and a willingness to teach your man in a way that is respectful and kind and honors him without making him look small or bad or being disrespectful.
There is a way to do it. It's extremely rare. I've never seen anyone else do it on the planet. However, it takes a real strong willingness on yours and your partner's part to go through a process like this to put your faith into someone to trust that they can take you on this emotional and sexual journey. If after hearing all that you understand that I understand what you're going through, I encourage you or both of you to come in for a session and work through some of these things together. I think you'll be very pleased and your partner will be very pleased with what happens later that night or with a little bit of practice. Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the office.
