Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] When it comes to having sex with a woman, most men think that their performance is what it takes to satisfy them. But if they just make their female partner come or reach orgasm, that that's all it takes to leave her satiated. So today we're going to talk about the five things that men don't realize they're missing when it comes to having great sex with a woman. My name is Tari. You're watching the Closeness podcast and this is your new sexual education.
[00:00:22] Now you have a subset of women who do really enjoy a good sex solid pounding from time to time. It doesn't require any pretense. It doesn't require flirting and seduction and cleaning the house and making her feel great. She simply wants it. And if you, as her man, can provide that stimulus, it will in fact get her off and make her feel great. But believe it or not, a lot of women find that boring. A lot of women don't find it interesting to just go and have sex with someone or go and have sex with their partner who they may love and who they may be attracted to. They want something more, something different. And men tend to measure all of their ability to satisfy through performance.
[00:01:06] Did I stay hard? Did I last a long time? Did I make her come? And while these things, generally speaking, are important to everybody, certainly staying harder tends to be better than not. Making her orgasm is better than not. However, that is not the secret to great, long lasting or connected sex. There's more. So what is it? What do women want? What is this thing that you have to do in order to give them a great experience?
[00:01:36] Well, it's not so much you need to do something physically like place your fingers here or hit it from that angle. You want to think of it more as an enveloping experience.
[00:01:47] What are you making her feel? And by feel, I don't mean orgasmic pleasure. I don't mean sexual stimulation. How are you rattling up, enticing, arousing and seducing her emotions? This is why I tell men that globally most women do not want to be asked for sex.
[00:02:09] Do you want to go have sex? Do you want to go upstairs? Tends to be one of the worst things you can say to most women because it absolutely kills all of the fun and joy out of it. And it takes away the mystery, the excitement and the emotions. This is why I constantly say that just kissing her often doesn't work. Just going in for the kiss doesn't work. Just trying to make something happen and getting it in doesn't work.
[00:02:33] She needs more so let's keep talking about that. The next thing to remember, or number two, is that all of us can tell by the energy with which we are addressed by others.
[00:02:45] The vibe and the energy that's behind it. If someone comes in who's very hostile and aggressive, everybody in the room knows it. I mean, I'm sure, guys, there's been countless times where you've either seen a woman out to dinner or you've been out to dinner with a woman. And when she shuts it down, when she decides to get very serious and quiet and coy, but super friendly to the waiter but really mean to you, or just very demure and like, looking at her phone and there's just silence at the table, you know how uncomfortable that feeling is? This is what the vibe is all about. What is your vibe? What is your energy? How can you give her an experience instead of just the usual, good morning, babe, I love you. Now, most men are going to default to one certain kind of vibe, and it looks like this.
[00:03:39] Rubbing shoulders, caressing her hands, her head, her face. And by the way, some women really do love this loving energy, this kind of soft caressing, this running your hands through her hair. I love being touched. Probably you love being touched as well. It can be very nice, but nice does not get the sexual energy flowing. Number three, you have to understand that as a man, we think about things in a completely different way than women do. When we want sex, we just want it. We crave it, we're aroused, we feel hard, excited, horny, whatever, and we know we want to do something about it. It's called spontaneous arousal. With most women, that kind of energy needs a little bit more stirring up. And while we are not craving an experience other than a hot one, that's like, feels really good, and we get to have sex with a beautiful woman that we're attracted to. Women actually are sometimes. And for some women, going through the motions of sex, taking off their clothes, getting naked, having this whole process happen, even though it can feel really, really good, becomes a duty, a chore, a checklist, something that they do to keep their husband happy instead of something that is meaningful. And I understand, if you've been married for a long time, decades even, how are you going to keep it fresh time after time after time again? And the simple answer to that is, well, you've gone this far, 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years, and you haven't been keeping it fresh all the time or a fraction of the time. So starting now, at least, you don't have those 10, 20, 30 40, 50 years behind you. Women do not need constant new stimulation, constant new novel things. You don't have to role play or become a different person, but you do have to give her regular amounts of intensity, passion, and what I call sexual tension. All right, number four, if you don't give this to her, a woman can still have a moderately enjoyable time with you. She can still have an orgasm, she can still say the sex was good, she can still have a nice enough time. And I think that billions of women throughout history, the ones who were lucky enough to have a decent time with their partner, where their partner cared about investing in them and making them feel good sexually, women found this to be enough or allowed it to be enough, or didn't know there was more to it than that or just went along with it because, hey, my man's attentive, he's affectionate towards me. I get mine, he gets his, as so many couples like to work it out. But there's always, always more.
[00:06:23] There's a way to interact that keeps her on her toes, that keeps the tension high, that keeps her wondering what's going to happen next. Now, I can give you several ideas on this, and the bulk of many of my podcasts do just that, but it is up to you to figure out what does it for your woman. All right, so number five, what is that missing ingredient? In my opinion, it's usually lacking some form of desire or want for your partner. Of course you desire her, of course you want her. But do you want her for your own selfish needs? Like, you want to finish, you need to get off, you need a release, you want to come. Or are you so turned on by her and excited by her that you can't contain yourself?
[00:07:11] This is a very dangerous thing to talk about because it is not a guarantee that just because a man is here and a woman is here, that. That this man is going to be falling all over himself because he's so aroused, so excited and so turned on that he just can't help it. He wants to rip her clothes off and have his way with her. It's also not a guarantee that just because you met or you're in love or you find each other attractive or you live together that you're married, that that man is going to feel so overwhelmed with passion and desire that he just can't help it.
[00:07:42] And after being rejected so many times, it's very unlikely that he's going to allow himself to display that side of him and.
[00:07:49] And in the world we live in post. Me too Era, People making accusations, people posting public videos of men watching a woman in skin tight yoga pants do deadlifts. Men are a lot more reluctant to be that kind of forward. But let's just say you're in a relationship and you're ready to do this as a man and you're married and you want to pursue your woman in that way, in a way that makes her feel wanted and desired. It is not treating her like fine porcelain. It is not being so taken aback by her beauty and amazed that you feel less than.
[00:08:28] It's about you amping up your sexual energy, ramping up your masculinity and your intensity and letting it come out in a sexually attractive way to her.
[00:08:43] It's not the case that this is different for all women. It's just different for some women. And maybe there's a handful of ways that that plays out. In my office, I'll do demonstrations where I walk by someone's partner with their consent and I give her a look, a smoldering look. Okay?
[00:08:59] Nine out of ten times, the women in the room feel the energy and they're like, that's hot, that's exciting, that's arousing. I like that. That turns me on. Sometimes the guys get it or don't get it, but 1 out of 10 times a woman might say she feels, ooh, that's a little aggressive, that's a little strong, that makes me feel nervous. Or it feels a little intimidating, that look. And that's how she internalizes, just a smoldering, serious look. You have to figure out, what does your woman feel? But because you very likely are sarcastic or joking or playful or doing baby voices or being silly together, because she's so silly and she's so fun and it's very hard to break out of that cycle. You very likely never know and may never know what it's like to peak her arousal, to really get her going. And the only way you can do that is through allowing your masculine essence, your sexuality, the animalistic part of you that can't get enough of her. So your job is to walk that line, that tightrope, and not be too soft, gentle, girly, playful, sweet, delicate kind, which are nice qualities in themselves. I always qualify that. They can be nice qualities, but not for this purpose. You're not trying to be that, and you're not trying to be like, I need sex now. I need penetration, I need to come, I need to get mine. I need to satisfy myself. Although some women do like that, right? I've met women on both sides of the fence. Women who love men who are a little more girly, feminine, soft, gentle, delicate, careful, like I fell in love with that guy, or a man who really is aggressive and puts it down on her and throws her around and it makes her feel small and little.
[00:10:44] Those are extremes. They both exist, and your girl may have a little of each inside of her. But generally speaking, when you're in that pocket, when you're in the middle of confidential, masculine, intense. It could be playful when necessary, a little bit, but you're taking the whole thing seriously. That is when the magic happens. What do you think when you're about to have sex with your female partner? Can you sense that she's craving something more? If you're a woman watching this, do you agree? And would you add more to the equation? Let me know in the comments. And also feel free to send this episode to someone who needs it, as Lord only knows. I know you know someone who does. Thanks for watching once again. My name is Tari and if you want to learn more you can check out closeness.com and YouTube Closeness Venmo Closeness if you'd like to tip me in proportion to the value that you received. Or you can join the Closeness telegram group as well. Thanks and have a great day.