Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the Closeness podcast, your new sexual education. My name is Tari. I'm your host.
[00:00:05] Speaker B: And today's episode is all about how to make a woman feel sexy, feel sexual towards you, and feel aroused by how you're interacting with her.
[00:00:17] Speaker A: Many people believe that women can do this just fine on their own. And I'm not talking about her going through certain steps to make herself feel good or to feel like a woman, like a woman's circle, or dressing provocatively, or getting more in touch with her feminine side. Instead, we're going to look at some of the things that you can do.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: As her partner, how you can behave and interact with her in such a way that she feels sexy and full of sexual desire towards you.
[00:00:43] Speaker A: And so there's definitely some nuance here, because in most cases, you as the man are going to think your partner looks sexy in almost all circumstances, even when she thinks she's at her worst. But we're not talking about if you think she looks sexy. We're trying to activate that feeling inside of her towards you so that she feels sexy, sexual, feminine, and full of sexual desire for you. Now, I'd be remiss not to say many of us derive sexual pleasure from pleasing our partners. In other words, we get turned on when we see that our partner is enjoying us or enjoying themselves.
However, there's quite a big difference between someone doing something for you because they love you, or they want to make you feel good and pleasure you. That's great, and it's absolutely wonderful. But then there's another, more subtle side of making her feel sexy, sexual and turned on, by the way that you are engaging with her, the things that you're doing to her, or the energy that you're giving her, the way you're looking at her. So let's pick a very unusual and very challenging example, like her giving you a blowjob. Now, it certainly doesn't have to be this. I'm purposely picking this as a strange, obscure example. And if you're not into giving blowjobs, it's not a problem. You can still listen to the whole podcast. So one aspect of her doing that is maybe she's doing it because she knows you like it, or to be nice, or because she loves you, or because it makes her feel good to turn you on. Or she may not even like it, but she does it for you because she knows you like it and she wants you to feel good. Hopefully, in hearing some of those reasons and those motivations, you can sense that that doesn't exactly make a woman feel sexy and sexual. It might almost sound like service or a wifely duty. Not that there has to be such a thing. You might look down at her while she's doing it and think, damn, she's sexy. She might be feeling good because she's making you feel good, but is she super turned on? Contrast that with your partner giving you a blowjob in a way that she's looking at you with eye contact.
She's almost whimpering because she's excited and turned on. And each suck and each stroke is getting her more and more wet. She might be touching herself or playing with herself because it's so arousing. She might be getting so wet that she's making a small mess on the sheets just because she has you in her mouth.
That, my friends, is a big difference in her sexuality and desire towards you. So a curious question to ask yourself is, how do you take the exact same act and your partner? The same woman could be feeling two different things. One, in service to you, or doing something because she knows you like it, or she's doing you a favor. Or two, a fully engaged, fully awake, desirous sensation of wanting to do it because it turns her on so much. The question ultimately becomes, how do you behave, act, carry yourself, touch her, look at her, engage with her in a way that brings out those emotions. So to quickly answer that, for this particular example, there's a big difference between saying, babe, can I get some head? And you lay there with your eyes closed, flat on your back like a fish, and you just receive. There's nothing wrong with that. In the same way that a woman may just want to lay on her back, close her eyes and get some good head from you. But it's different than if you help her down to her knees or you're gazing at her in such an intense way that she's turned on and excited, and you're the one who unbuttons everything and puts things where it needs to go. And maybe if she likes this sort of thing, you're guiding her gently, or putting your hands where you want them and guiding her head in a way that's arousing. Maybe you're expressing yourself or making pleasurable noises that demonstrate you enjoy it, and you're complimenting her and telling her how good she looks. All of these things could contribute to her feeling more aroused and turned on and sexy. In this particular act, most men will almost exclusively believe that in order to excite or turn their partner on, they have to physically do something to them. For some, it's being grabby and groping, some it's squeezing, touching. But the fact of the matter is that, yes, you can use your hands and body to turn her on. There are other ways of doing it that don't involve you having to physically touch her or be stimulating her, for example, on her breasts or between her legs to get her going. Some men maybe have gone to therapy or gotten coaching and have learned that taking things off her plate makes her feel a little more relaxed, cared for, helped out. And so you did this item, this thing. You checked something off a list and.
[00:05:34] Speaker B: Thought to yourself that because you did the laundry or picked up the kid from school or touched her in a certain way, that maybe her legs would spring open and she'd be ready to have sex with you.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: Or perhaps as a man, you think that just because you physically show up to a therapy or coaching or psychotherapy program, that that's enough to get her excited or feel like he's working on it just because he's sitting there. Often men think that just showing up without participating is enough to show the woman that he's putting in the work and then therefore should get more sex at home. Finally, a lot of men think that there are a million things they've got to do to crack the code of getting their female partner to have sex with them, or the timing has to be just right. They have to ask at the right time. But mostly, a lot of that feels like placating, bargaining, or somehow trying to convince your partner to have sex with you. Now, it is true that taking things off her plate, kissing her, loving on her, coming to coaching, getting therapy, they're all useful for the relationship, but they aren't quite the things that hit her at her core or get her excited right away and turn her on. And just as a little prelude, you know, I saw a video the other day of a man who was filming, of course, in a public place, and another man was walking up behind couples without them knowing and taking the man's hand or arm and putting it around the woman who he's standing next to his waist. Now, there were a couple funny bloopers where he put it around the wrong woman, or they didn't know each other like that. And so it took her by surprise. But for every single woman who was with that person or they were dating, she either turned to him immediately, looked him in the eyes, and gave him a look of love or pleasant surprise, or immediately made herself available to be kissed. Or she kissed him. I think that might be one of the best in field exercises I've ever seen. But it was wonderful to watch because you see that it doesn't take much. You didn't have to crack a code. You didn't have to go wash dishes, you didn't have to buy or something or go be the most supportive, loving, powerful, dominant man on the planet. It was one simple gesture of touch, care, or protection. And instead of just standing next to your partner in a public place or walking in front of her, you put your arm around her and bring her close. And this guy just put the arm there. You know, these men didn't, like, hold her tenderly or give her back rubs or squeeze her butt or her hips. It was just an arm placed on her hip or her waist, and it unlocked everything. So in the same way that simple gestures can make a woman feel safe, loved and protected, so too are there simple things that you can do that can make her feel aroused and sexual and sexy.
Now, I think there's a big difference between a woman who objectively looks sexy to you. She could be your partner, your wife, your girlfriend, or just someone who you met, versus a woman who actually feels that way and wants to direct that energy towards you. So what are some of the things that you think you could do that would elicit that side of her or bring that out in her?
What could you do that would make her feel like she wants to have more sex with you or something that makes her feel beautiful, sexy, hot, playful, flirtatious. Something that makes that coquettish side of her come out? These are questions that we don't usually ask ourselves because that's so different than wanting your partner to look sexy. Be sexy. Be sexual. Be a sexual seductress. Seduce you, initiate with you, and basically passively sit around while you expect her to do all the things that make her feminine and delicious to you. And oftentimes this is with a man not wanting to change anything about himself. Not the way he talks, carries himself, acts, not his tone, not the speed that he moves or the way he touches her. He wants to, you know, just be himself. Or in other words, put precisely zero effort into the relationship and leave the woman to sort of pick up the pieces and handle all the sexual part on her own. Should he hold his shoulders back?
[00:09:49] Speaker B: Well, that's not who he is.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: Should he act more confident? Oh, that feels too much like acting or role playing. He wants to bumble around in crocs and socks, unkempt, maybe even unshowered, or come home from a rough day at work and just be accepted the way he is. Now. I know men have a big reputation for being dogs and sleeping with anything that moves, or even if she's whatever it is that turns you off. Unshowered, shaved, unclean, whatever she looks like. Usually men are all in, and that has to do with sex being so hard for most men to come by. However, there are many things that would make it far less appealing for a man to have sex with a woman as well. But most women are meticulous in that department. So a lot of male partners also want it to be fine for them to be unshowered, unbathed, just a big, hairy mess, sometimes even obese. Or, you know, maybe you've gained a little bit of weight because you've been drinking a lot more lately, or indulging a lot more, or it's the holidays. Maybe you don't shave or trim down there or manscape in the front or the back and still expect the same. I'll never forget several female clients referring to their partner as being swampy back there. And that's just not something you want, guys. But point being, most men want to change precisely nothing about themselves or work on themselves in no way whatsoever and just have their partner either be sexy, be sexual, or do all the fun.
[00:11:08] Speaker B: Sexy things that they like.
And as ideal as that sounds, and as nice as it would be for love to conquer all. And there are some situations in which that's true. When someone really loves somebody, almost nothing else matters. When you've been with someone long enough, or the sexual chemistry has died down, or you never really had great, connected sex to begin with, no one is doing themselves any favors by not taking care of themselves or putting in zero.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: Or next to zero effort. And you're not even coming close to tapping into ways of making your partner feel sexy if there's zero effort coming from your part.
[00:11:47] Speaker B: So men often want their female partners to have sex with them regardless of how he looks, how he tastes, how.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: He dresses, what his breath is like, and regardless of what his attitude is.
[00:11:58] Speaker B: This means that you can get in an argument or make her feel bad about something, or ignore her all day, or not be affectionate, or be distant and cold. And then somehow later that night, when you're in the mood for sex, there's an expectation that she should be ready for it or ready to give it to you.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: So I think men can confuse the idea of not wanting to feel like he's acting or change anything about himself. Doesn't want to role play doesn't want to try harder. He just wants her to accept him.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: For who he is, but talking to.
[00:12:28] Speaker A: Her and behaving how he sees fit. So you have to understand, fellas, that it really doesn't make sense to any female, that you maybe ignore her all day, work all day, are dismissive or disrespectful or just passively friendly, or just give her a little peck here, and they are like, bye, babe, see ya. Or, hey, honey, I'm home. Or maybe you're sarcastic all day, or cracking sort of passive aggressive put downs towards her. Maybe you're pointing out what's wrong with her or why you're upset all the time. Or maybe you're just not talking to her, not helping out with anything, not responding to her texts for several hours, any number of these things. I'd say it's almost impossible to have any semblance of great sex later. But I also know that women are very accommodating and they don't want to stir pots often, and they don't want to get in arguments or fights.
Sometimes they're peacekeepers. And so sometimes it's just easier to have sex or to be intimate or to try to go through the motions. But it's nowhere near as satisfying as it can be. It's hard to imagine a woman feeling sexy or wanting to be sexual with you after you've put her through all of that or neglected her in that way. You can't just cohabitate with a woman.
Let me say that again. You cannot just cohabitate with a woman and expect things to go well because you put in all the work 20 years ago, five years ago, or one year ago. It takes continual and refined effort.
Now, I know I'm painting a bit of a grim picture here, but most of the time, men want access to sex without having to put any effort in, especially if he's been married for a while. I see a lot of clients who want their female partner to be the actress temptress, seductress. She reaches out, she gets things going, she rides on top, she gets on top, she does all the work. And all of this while somehow looking sexy, feeling sexy, and being sexual. So, guys, take a minute and think over the last week, have you been sexually attractive to your partner?
[00:14:28] Speaker B: How do you kiss her?
[00:14:30] Speaker A: How often do you kiss and touch her?
[00:14:32] Speaker B: Do you give her six second kisses throughout the day? Do you hold her, connect with her, talk to her, listen to her, engage.
[00:14:40] Speaker A: With her in a way that might elicit a favorable response?
[00:14:44] Speaker B: And if not. Can you really expect access to sex or her to be sexual with you.
[00:14:50] Speaker A: Just because you've given her no positive attention for days? Nothing to really go off of, nothing to warm her up or excite her, nothing to plant the seed of sex. But now you're horny and hard, or you want sex and you're ready. Does she really owe you anything?
Now, women themselves also have to evaluate. Are they holding back sex to hold power over their man? Are they using it as a bargaining tool? Are they just being difficult? Do they have unrealistic expectations? Are they just so used to shutting a man down that that's just what she does by default? Does she find herself so sexually unappealing or unattractive or too heavy or too small or too this or too that that she doesn't feel like having sex? These are all things that women need to look at and work on themselves.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: But many times, men just expect sex from their partner with absolutely zero giving on their part other than maybe working and providing.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: So, men and women, do you ever find yourself in this position? He's horny. Let's do it. He's hard. It's time for sex. He has the desire. The wind blew. Time to go do it.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Talk about sex or, I just happen.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: To feel horny right now, therefore, everything should stop, and we should go have sex. A lot of this starts with, it occurred to me, I'm horny now, so therefore we should. And this is not how most, if not all of women work. Unless she's super sexual or head over heels in love or is a big time people pleaser and giving you what you want because you want it makes her feel good. And there are people like that. However, she's still likely missing out on more pleasure and more ways for her to feel good and connected. Now, I know there are some fringe cases where women do get horny and wet and feel very satisfied when they're just in service to their man or giving their man everything he wants. This is a unique kind of relationship, and it's not prevalent in the masses. From what I can tell, if most people continue to work their relationship in this way, where the man doesn't want to change anything, do anything, be different at all, but he just wants sex when he wants it. With having to do precisely nothing to really warm her up or get her started, that's not going to bode very well for you. And by the way, here's a sad part. This is even for those of you who are very affectionate towards your partner, it's not as severe, but if you're in a relationship where you're very, very cuddly but almost never sexual, and sometimes you have sex so you're never. You don't really go from being cuddly to hot or passionate or desirous or doing things that are overtly sexual, this will also tend to have the effect of your partner not feeling sexual towards you, not feeling sexy, and even losing attraction towards you because she's either having to mother you or nurture you or you both just have this very lovey dovey relationship. I love cuddles. I love lovey dovey. But there has to be doses of it. And then other times where you are sexual with your partner.
[00:17:46] Speaker B: Something else I see in session a lot is that men have an expectation that a woman should, on her own accord and with no prior stimulation, no prior engagement, initiate with her man that she should come over and just put her hands between his legs or sit on him or be cute and sexy. And by the way, all women are capable of doing this. Some women do.
[00:18:08] Speaker A: But if you're in a long term relationship, you're with a woman who's shy, you're with a woman who just isn't very sexual or who isn't used to being very sexual or frankly, who is just a woman who believes that women don't initiate. It's going to be very hard for your partner to do that out of the blue, much less regularly.
Now, if you know me, you know I have no problem with women initiating. I love it. I think it's great. I think it's a healthy part of sexuality. I have no problem when my female partners have done it with me. I don't feel like it always has to be the man. However, what I feel is, doesn't represent how most women feel. And most women do not like initiating. Or even if they do, they don't want to do it all the time or most of the time. Or even if they have, they'll get tired of it after 510 or 20 years.
Women find it hard to do for many reasons and yes, their whole life, they may still be terrified of you saying no. Even if you've had to endure thousands of rejections. Sometimes they still don't know themselves or trust themselves or think it's okay to ask for what they want or to move forward and take it. Some women are just awkward and don't know how to be sexy. You may find them sexy, but they themselves don't know how to move in a way or look in a way that makes them feel that way. So the way that I do it, the way that I coach and guide, it's a bit of a shortcut to help both people get what they want without your female partner having to do some of the work that it may take to get her initiating on her own. Now, does that mean she shouldn't know? Does that mean she shouldn't be working on herself simultaneously? No. But who knows how long that journey may take for her to get in touch with herself in that way and build up the confidence to initiate? Who knows how long it will take, if ever, for her to become intimate with herself and therefore more intimate with you? It could take a really long time for her to lower some of her walls on her own that she's had up her whole life. I always say, in session, does your partner have two hands and two eyes, and can she look at you with her feminine gaze and simply put her hands on you, and it will make all the difference in the world? Yes, absolutely. Will that make you feel better? Absolutely. Do I want that for you? Yes. Why doesn't it happen? It's a very easy thing to do. Why have many of my clients gone 510, 2030, 40 years without her doing it? And that is because, at least what I've found through my practice for nearly a decade is women do not naturally want to initiate. I know many of you do. I'm sure, girls, you tell each other stories about how you did once or twice, or sometimes you do, or you don't mind doing it, but majority of women do not want to initiate on a regular basis.
But since someone has to do something, and it's very unlikely that that someone is going to be your female partner, this is why so much of my guidance is geared towards what men can do to awaken certain qualities in her or to inspire her or to open her to want to be more sexual with you.
A lot of men will fire back and say, but this is how she used to do it, and she always used to get on top and initiate and start things before this is how our relationship started. Or this is what I expect, because she always would initiate in the beginning. And to this I say, you were probably a very passive male partner in the beginning of your relationship, and she did all the work when she was horny and turned on and excited because of love and lust. And it's the romance period that we all go through when we first meet someone new. And then, like almost all women, she got tired of it, sick of it, or tired of feeling rejected or tired of feeling like she's doing all the work, or like you didn't like her, or you weren't attracted to her, or you did it because she wanted you to do it, or you're only doing a favor and taking one for the team. So what happens after a year, two, three, four? In relationship is the sex dwindles because the man was never that assertive from the get go.
Another way men might try to make.
[00:22:03] Speaker B: Their partner feel sexy is by setting a mood or tone, which is a great idea.
[00:22:08] Speaker A: Lighting candles, dimming lights, closing the drapes, shutting and locking the door if you have kids. Or even just closing the door to.
[00:22:15] Speaker B: Create a container, creating a nice space.
[00:22:17] Speaker A: For it, running a bath, turning on the heater, installing drapes, even if they're sheer, so that the neighbors can't see.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: And if you don't have any window treatment.
[00:22:26] Speaker A: So these are all things that I think make women feel safe, comfortable, sensual, a little more able to get out of her head.
But do they still make her feel sexy? In other words, do you believe that if you lit a candle or you dim the lights that your woman would instantaneously feel sexy?
[00:22:46] Speaker B: It might contribute slightly, but we're still not there yet.
[00:22:49] Speaker A: All of these things can help put a woman at ease or make her feel safe or calm or comfortable, or more relaxed and ready to play. But let's keep exploring.
So then we have what I would call my military client's all time favorite thing for their female partner to do, and that is to wear or put on some sexy lingerie. They want their partner to appear or wear or be in something sexy.
And obviously, Victoria's Secret wouldn't be a billion dollar, trillion dollar business if women did not feel sexy wearing their lingerie. A lot of women love to wear it, love to feel that way. And yes, do feel sexy themselves when they wear it, they're feeling themselves more.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: However, if you're in a long term.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: Relationship, often these outfits just stay in the panty drawer.
[00:23:37] Speaker B: They don't get brought out, not even.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: Sometimes on special occasions.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: Sometimes it feels like a whole production.
[00:23:43] Speaker A: To make it happen. Sometimes lingerie is also for almost like.
[00:23:47] Speaker B: A photo shoot purpose only or admiration purposes only. There's so many straps and clips that.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: Unless you're going to have sex with.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: It on, which is also a great option, sometimes getting it off can be a production unto itself.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: And then, of course, if your man.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: Isn'T well versed in knowing where all.
[00:24:02] Speaker A: The little clippies are, it's very likely that your female partner will have to take off the lingerie herself that she.
[00:24:07] Speaker B: Spent all this time putting on.
[00:24:09] Speaker A: And finally, while it is true that women often wear lingerie under their normal clothes to feel sexy themselves, or because it makes them feel more confident or more attractive, etcetera, if she is only in lingerie for you and you don't do much about it, or you're not deeply enjoying the experience, or doing something seductive or sexy, or ravishing her or making her feel sexual and sexy.
So, for example, if you're just watching a ball game while she's sitting there on the couch in lingerie, that's not contributing much to her feeling sexy.
When you tell your partner to go put on something sexy or wear something sexy for you, which, by the way.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Can be a turn on for women as well, sometimes that's appropriate in a one off moment. It's not really something that you can tell her nightly to do, or maybe even weekly in some relationships, kind of feels like a special occasion for her to go get done up in the.
[00:25:06] Speaker A: Other room and then come out looking.
[00:25:07] Speaker B: Like a special package for you to unwrap.
[00:25:12] Speaker A: So, hopefully, this far into the podcast, you've been thinking to yourself, what can you actually do? What are some things that you've tried in your life that work where you can see a shift in her eyes? You can see her cheeks flushing or her chest flushing red, you can see a sparkle in her eyes, or an openness, or a willingness to play. You can see that beautiful femininity coming out in her. What are the secrets?
Well, one simple shift that you can make right now is to mentally think of yourself as a director or the.
[00:25:44] Speaker B: Creator of a scene or a small.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: Movie that you're putting together between you and your partner. Now, men, I will remind you again, this does not mean that you are acting. This does not mean that you are pretending. And this does not mean that you are role playing. And it's not you pretending to be the director. This is you taking charge and ownership of creating a special scene for the two of you. This means that you're in charge of pumping the sexual heat into your interactions. You take ownership of increasing the sexual tension between the two of you. You initiate, you reach out, you direct how you want things to be, whether that's verbally or non verbally and otherwise.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: Doing things with your energy, the way you stand, the way you interact with her, that make her feel sexy, sexual and desired.
[00:26:34] Speaker A: One way you can create the atmosphere is by some of the things we discussed.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: Lighting, bedding, what you have on the.
[00:26:41] Speaker A: Bed, toys, the temperature in the room.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: Another way is by creating the energetic.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Temperature in the room, by setting a.
[00:26:51] Speaker B: Different kind of tone with how you look at her, how you treat her.
[00:26:55] Speaker A: And how you're interacting with her.
[00:26:56] Speaker B: And this is where most men, unfortunately, feel like they're acting, pretending, role playing.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Being false, being fake, and all of these other narratives that we're not going.
[00:27:08] Speaker B: For a woman is as sexual as you will allow her to be. And if you're past the beginning stages of sex, like six months or a year, where anything goes, the less open minded you are, the less open minded she'll be, the more judgmental you are, the more shut down she'll be, the more you do not take action and.
[00:27:33] Speaker A: Initiate with her and help her to.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Feel desired, the less desired she'll feel. But your partner is also only as sexual as you are. Confident enough to be, confident enough to allow her sexuality to be.
[00:27:48] Speaker A: And sometimes a woman is only as sexual as you give her freedom and.
[00:27:52] Speaker B: Space to be, or as sexual as you show her how to be.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: All other ways of her being sexual are usually a paltry comparison to how delicious and open she can be if you guide her there, show her how to be that way, and show her that it's okay to be that way, that it turns you on for her.
[00:28:13] Speaker B: To be that way, and most importantly.
[00:28:16] Speaker A: That this way is ten to 100 times faster and easier than expecting her.
[00:28:23] Speaker B: To get something started, her to initiate her to do almost anything, even though.
[00:28:29] Speaker A: I strongly encourage her to do so. If all of that isn't clear enough, let me give you a quick personal example that may hit home.
If I've been at work all day in the office and coaching, and she's been at work all day and we're going to come back to my house and meet, any number of things could happen. If you've got children, they could be present. Your house may be messy, you may be tired. You want to go to the gym, you want to prepare dinner, there's a lot going on, on your mind when people come home from work.
So if I'm going to be the director, that means I want to set a tone.
If I come home first and I hear my partner come in, I need to know if she's the kind of person who really needs, like, 510, 20 minutes to herself where she doesn't want to be bothered or if I can go say hello. If I can go say hello, I'm going to plant a very sensual hug or kiss or touch or eye contact. As long as her hands aren't full and she doesn't feel uncomfortable in her heels and, you know, she's not trying to rush to the bathroom. This is where timing comes in. I'm feeling, I'm vibing, you know, does she need a few minutes to settle in? And then I'll say, come say hello. Come say hello. Let me give you a kiss. Let me get my arms around you. Now that I have her in my embrace, I might run my fingers through her hair, give her a sensual kiss on the neck, maybe bite her neck, maybe suck on her lips, maybe give.
[00:29:52] Speaker B: Her a full kiss.
[00:29:53] Speaker A: And of course, I've made sure that I'm clean and smelling good, and my breath smells good, and I have a mint in my mouth, or I've just brushed my teeth or used mouthwash. Things like this matter. And then if there's nothing pressing and nothing urgent, we're not rushing out to get somewhere we don't have to go do something. I want to give her a sensual or sexual experience right then and there.
Maybe I might inhale. Maybe I might reach down between her thighs. Maybe I might caress her thighs or squeeze her butt and tell her I missed this all day. Maybe I might cup her breast and softly pinch her nipple or hold her hips or look at her in her eyes. And I'm giving an experience that's not trying to get to the bedroom. It's not forcing. Okay, we have to have sex right now, but it feels very overtly sexual. It plants a seed. It helps her get out of her head. And I might lead it. I'm not going to do one thing like just smack her ass or just squeeze her butt or just give her a firm hug. I'm going to do several 35, 10, 20 different things so that she's like, is that going to work all the time with your busy lives? No. Is she always going to respond favorably to it? No. But does it need to be done? Hell, yeah. So then as a director, I might say, where do I want her? Give me these bags. Let me put this in the fridge. Why don't you go sit down? I'll pour you a glass of water or wine or whatever it is, and I'll meet you on the couch, or I'll meet you in the bedroom. Or, why don't you go take a shower, and I'll meet you in there? Now, there's a container and a plan, and we know what's going on, and I just keep going from there. If I'm going to meet her in the shower, I'm not going to say hi. Can I come in now? I'm going to walk in and undressed. Climb in. I'm not going to say, would you like me to? I'm going to decide that I want to shower her or bathe her or rinse her off and run my fingers through her hair, or have a special fragrance or body wash in there that she likes, or a candle, all of these things. And then you take it from there and it keeps going and going and going. Now, you could have sex much sooner. You could prolong sex. You could have several encounters like this. You could have ten more encounters like that in one night before you have sex, or even not have sex. But the point is, you're making her feel wanted, desired, sexy, relaxed, and you're leading, which helps her feel sexy and like a woman.
Let me give a few more examples that everyone will understand. How do you change positions in sex?
Who does what and how does it get triggered? I would put money on the fact that your transitions happen quite haphazardly and almost awkwardly every single time. Or someone just does it. Or maybe she even speaks up and says, hey, put it in from behind, or let me get on top, or something like that. And that when you do it, you likely mumble, get on top from behind. Something silly like that. That's inaudible.
[00:32:49] Speaker B: And she says, what?
[00:32:50] Speaker A: Then you nudge her over or push her over. None of that is very sexy. But when you're directing a scene, when you're putting her in a position that allows her to look even more sexual, the first concept you can take away from this is be verbally and physically specific. There's a big difference between just demanding. Get on your hands and knees, or let me get behind you and saying something like, come get on your hands and knees and arch your back, baby.
Spread your legs wider so I can get in between. Reach behind you and hold yourself open for me. Put your face into the pillow and lift your ass as high as you can. And then, of course, they're saying it and guiding her to do it in a way that's sexually attractive as opposed to just pushing or almost being scared to touch her. Through a transition, she most likely wants you to take charge, wants you to move her and place her the way you want her. And in doing that, you create these moments that not only turn you on, but make her feel more sexual, more desirable, more wanted.
So it's all about being specific and speaking in a normal, calm, healthy, masculine voice and telling her what you want. And in some cases, yes, telling her what to do. Regardless of how you were raised, regardless of if you think that's rude or not, in the bedroom, different rules usually apply.
[00:34:20] Speaker B: Let's say you want her on top, you could just pull her on you.
[00:34:24] Speaker A: And then she will do the default thing.
[00:34:27] Speaker B: Climb on top and sort of move.
[00:34:29] Speaker A: Maybe how she wants to move, but the best way is to direct her in a way where she shines. Maybe you know better than she does how to rock her hips forward and back, how to really get in there and work that spot while your hands are on her hips and you're moving yours and you're grinding on her. So you can say, climb on top of me. Spread your knees wider. Don't push so hard with your ankles. Arch your back as you gently push down in the area that you want her to arch.
[00:34:58] Speaker B: And now, not only do you have.
[00:35:00] Speaker A: Her exactly where you want her, but if you're skilled, you've taken the time to make sure that her body is both comfortable, excited, turned on, and the position works for her as well. There's a beautiful give and take. When a woman sees you enjoying yourself through her, when she sees how much you get turned on, it's very narcissistically pleasurable to have all the attention on her and have it be all about her, or have her see your lust for her.
[00:35:30] Speaker B: All of these things are very positive. And when a woman is in love with you, or likes you or is turned on by you, she wants you to enjoy her.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: The next mistake men make when they're trying to be sexual or make their woman feel sexy is to say things under their breath. And this is something I don't hear anyone speaking about anywhere else. If, as a man, you even dare or deign to tell a woman what to do in the bedroom, you think you're going to try it, it will almost always fall flat. And that is because you're doing it under your breath and with no confidence in a hurried whisper or barking commands. A bit like a dog.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: Come here. Get over here. Open your legs. That's right. Go ahead, open those legs.
[00:36:14] Speaker A: Or on the other end of the.
[00:36:15] Speaker B: Spectrum, come on your back.
[00:36:17] Speaker A: Give me your feet. Just come here. Come on over here. Move.
[00:36:21] Speaker B: These kind of wimpy.
It's a weird thing because they sound so aggressive, but they're a little passive aggressive. It's like, do what I say. And the idea in telling a woman what to do is not to do what you say.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: It's to inspire, create a feeling, deepen the connection, increase the passion, increase the intensity, increase the sexual tension and also.
[00:36:45] Speaker B: To help her get out of her.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: Head so she doesn't have to think.
[00:36:49] Speaker B: Being snappy, bossy, talking to a woman like she's a dog, saying things under your breath that is the epitome of male sexual insecurity as it comes out.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: When you try to speak and it can be a bit of a turn off. Listen, I don't know what it is about what men think when they start telling a woman what to do, but it's almost like they take on this really bitchy, disrespectful, demanding tone that sounds awful to anyone listening. Nobody would want to be told what to do in the typical tone that a man takes when he tells a woman what to do, even playfully or sensually or sexually in the bedroom. It's something you guys really got to think about. Nobody wants to be spoken to that way, but generally the woman might be going along with it because, well, they're in the middle of something, or she doesn't want to be a pain in the butt, or she doesn't want to get him upset, or she's a people pleaser, or she just wants the experience to go well or she's proud of him speaking up. But I'm telling you, friends, doing it in a calm, collected, audible voice works wonders and moves worlds.
[00:37:53] Speaker B: Not in a full, loud, aggressive, shouting.
[00:37:56] Speaker A: Voice, not in a whisper quiet, don't like this.
[00:37:59] Speaker B: But kind of in the voice that.
[00:38:00] Speaker A: I'm talking in now.
[00:38:01] Speaker B: A soothing, masculine, direct tone. Okay, my love, come over here and.
[00:38:06] Speaker A: Get on your back.
[00:38:07] Speaker B: Give me those gorgeous legs to hold on to. Hold your legs back for me, baby.
[00:38:12] Speaker A: You issue a command or tell her to do something that's just in your speaking voice, in your natural, appropriate for the situation tone, and it will do wonders.
[00:38:22] Speaker B: Almost all women instinctively know that there's a way they want to be treated or spoken to in the bedroom and a way that they want to be treated or spoken to in real life, outside the bedroom, everywhere else. And sometimes they bleed together. But most women want, dream of and.
[00:38:37] Speaker A: Expect a certain type of treatment in the bedroom. Men, on the other hand, think that they need to treat their partner, and.
[00:38:45] Speaker B: This is gold here, guys.
[00:38:48] Speaker A: They need to treat their partner consistently.
[00:38:50] Speaker B: The same way everywhere or else they're doing her a huge disservice or disrespecting her or being mean to her or, you know, they weren't raised that way.
[00:38:59] Speaker A: Or their religious background suggested this is an awful thing to do.
[00:39:02] Speaker B: And listen. You know, it doesn't go from like, being a respectful husband to your wife.
[00:39:09] Speaker A: And she's, you know, the mother of your children.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: And then the bedroom, it's like whips and chains and yelling and screaming and commands. It doesn't have to be such a production.
So maybe you wouldn't say, babe, get out of here. Go grab me some water, make me dinner and have it ready at six. But in the bedroom, you could say.
[00:39:26] Speaker A: Why don't you put your fingers between your legs and show me how you.
[00:39:29] Speaker B: Like to touch it while you're looking at her, right in her eyes and.
[00:39:32] Speaker A: Almost taunting her or making her feel slightly nervous.
[00:39:35] Speaker B: This type of thing is very, very exciting. So two different things. In and out of the bedroom.
[00:39:40] Speaker A: Now, there's definitely a time and place to be sensual, soft, gentle, to whisper something sweet into your partner's ear.
[00:39:48] Speaker B: My God, you look incredible. Come here.
[00:39:51] Speaker A: There's a difference between saying that and.
[00:39:53] Speaker B: Yeah, baby, just like that. Just like that.
[00:39:55] Speaker A: It doesn't land.
[00:39:57] Speaker B: So what am I trying to tell you guys? I'm saying that you should try to push your masculine energy forward and into her without being arrogant, demanding, disrespectful, overly cocky or pompous.
[00:40:14] Speaker A: You know, guys, in today's day and age, you have to know that it is safe and okay for you to.
[00:40:20] Speaker B: Be vocal in the bedroom, for you to tell your partner what to do, for you to tell her how you'd like her or to move her in a way that you'd like to see her.
[00:40:27] Speaker A: Even in today's crazy climate, with all these different things going on, it's okay to do it as long as she's.
[00:40:33] Speaker B: On the same page and is giving you an enthusiastic hell yes.
[00:40:36] Speaker A: Check in with your woman, have her listen to this episode, verify it with.
[00:40:40] Speaker B: Her, look in her eyes and say, would you like me to take charge in the bedroom? Would you like me to take the lead? Would you like me to use my full voice rather than saying, get over there on your hands and knees or talking under my breath?
Know that most women, just like us, most women, do not want you to speak disrespectfully towards them.
[00:40:59] Speaker A: You might be playing out a scene.
[00:41:00] Speaker B: Some women might enjoy that sort of thing, but as a general rule, that's.
[00:41:04] Speaker A: Not where it's at. So you're looking for a tone, an.
[00:41:07] Speaker B: Energy, a vibration that matches the vibe that reads the room and that takes her to new places of feeling desired and feeling sexy.
Another way to make a woman feel sexy is to understand that when you are directing, when you're being assertive, creating a plan, creating an atmosphere, for her.
[00:41:28] Speaker A: And you start to engage her and tell her what to do.
[00:41:31] Speaker B: She gets a little woozy, which is.
[00:41:34] Speaker A: A funny thing to say.
[00:41:35] Speaker B: It's almost like she becomes a little absent minded or totally gets out of her head and into her body, or.
[00:41:43] Speaker A: In some cases becomes a little bit like a rag doll and allows you gives you permission to do with her what you please. This is with, of course, consent and for relationships, etcetera. When this happens, it's almost as though you have to be even more specific with her if you want to have an enjoyable experience.
Sometimes you just leading her, even though you might be leading her perfectly, you might be holding her wrist or her hand, or gently pressing on her shoulder or moving her legs in some way. The combination of speaking while you physically move her in a respectful but sexual.
[00:42:20] Speaker B: Way is magic and will consequently make her feel very sexy. So maybe few women will know what you mean if you just say, come up on your elbows.
[00:42:32] Speaker A: But if you slide a hand under her neck or under her low back and you say, sit up a little bit and rest onto your forearms, or.
[00:42:40] Speaker B: Come up on your elbows so your gorgeous tits are on display, sit up a little bit on your elbows and open your legs and look down at what I'm doing to you.
[00:42:48] Speaker A: Not aggressively and forcefully, but just smoothly, but also not carefully and not like you're walking on eggshells and you don't know if you have permission to move her body or not. For anyone listening, if you're in a committed relationship, or you're just dating someone, or you're sleeping with someone and you've done it several times already, chances are she wants you to lead much more than you already are.
[00:43:10] Speaker B: Unless you're one of those guys who's overly aggressive, you're steamrolling her and you're nothing, taking her into consideration to tie everything together. Some really interesting things happen when you lead a woman in a way that's sexually attractive to her. If you're very grabby, or you just pull her on top of you, or you just move her without any verbal instructions. Sometimes it's awkward because she doesn't know what you want her to do.
Remember, you are allowed to speak.
[00:43:38] Speaker A: Maybe you're trying to transition her to.
[00:43:40] Speaker B: Get her leg to do something or to put her on her hands and knees, but it feels awkward.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: Or you look awkward because you're bending.
[00:43:45] Speaker B: Over in some pretty weird ways, but.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: You'Re hunched over and your body language looks really funny, and you're kind of pulling on her thigh or tugging her and she's not moving and there's no eye contact. Or you bark a command and you say, get on top. But she doesn't know. Do you want froggy reverse cowgirl facing you? Rocking you, anything? There's a responsibility that if you're going to lead, you have to lead well. And a half assed version of leading is often going to leave the sexual encounter feeling a little odd. You can certainly get back into the flow of things, but your transitions are really where a lot of the juiciness and fun from sex can come from, not just the thrusting. So what is this weird thing that happens when you lead a sexual situation with a woman, as we just spoke about? She almost becomes a little absent minded, like, huh? Where? What? How? What do you want me to do? How do you want me to do this? Even if it looks so obvious, like I want you get on your hands and knees and arch your back and spread your knees wide. It doesn't register. When a woman is in her sexual zone, when she's feeling herself, feeling very sexual, you have to be specific.
[00:44:56] Speaker B: You both have worked pretty hard to get her out of her head. And I know this may sound strange, but making her, or encouraging her, asking her to think in these moments when you work so hard to get her out of her head is usually not a good idea. Another way to say that is she wants to flow. She wants to get lost in a moment or swept up by you. She doesn't want to be thinking and stuck or worrying or wondering. She wants to feel, and that's the big difference.
And along those lines, when you do use your voice, you don't need to be so detailed, like you're writing some sort of graphic novel.
[00:45:35] Speaker A: Part your knees approximately 24 inches wide and let the tops of your feet feel the soft duvet cover, blah, blah, blah. But similarly, you can't get away with very easily go put your hands on the couch or get on the sofa without giving her some further instruction. You need to show her, lead her with your voice, with your words, and.
[00:45:55] Speaker B: With your gentle but firm guidance that's respectful but assertive, confident, and your authentic self taking the lead.
Now, believe it or not, there are many times where many women do not know what looks sexy or what feels sexy to you, if they're sexy, or if you like what they're doing. She might know everything about styling her hair, push up bras, painting her nails.
[00:46:26] Speaker A: Even wearing sexy lingerie, things that objectively make her look sexy kind of no matter what.
[00:46:31] Speaker B: But sexually speaking, most women are not porn stars or ultra aware of their sexuality. And many women don't know how to put their bodies into positions that are both comfortable for them, but also feel.
[00:46:43] Speaker A: And look hot for many men. Doesn't really matter what a woman does. Everything looks good. Vulnerability looks good, assertiveness looks good. I'm not heavy into porn myself, but I will still sometimes take notes and see how these women put themselves in different positions, how porn stars will put themselves in different positions because there's so much more to just doggy missionary and cowgirl. Sometimes in clinic, I'll teach a session called 20 ways to perform missionary, where.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: We'Ll get out a mat or a.
[00:47:10] Speaker A: Little bed and show the couple I'm working with that her being on her back does not have to only equal.
[00:47:16] Speaker B: Him lying with his entire weight on.
[00:47:18] Speaker A: Top of her, rubbing up against each other.
[00:47:20] Speaker B: You can be on your elbows, on your hands, you can sit up all the way. You can have her legs up or crossed or to one side over open, pin her knees back. There's a lot you can do. And let me say that again. A lot of people think that missionary is boring because it's him lying, like, actually extended out, lying on top of her and just rubbing up against each other. And that's nice for a little bit of lovemaking. It's really nice if your partner wants you to feel really close or have your head by hers, or you're going to be doing a lot of kissing.
[00:47:49] Speaker A: But even just sitting up opens up a whole other world of different positions. So, knowing that unless you're just really on a spot that's making her come and come or it's just feeling so good for you, you don't need to.
[00:48:01] Speaker B: Be in the same position for more.
[00:48:02] Speaker A: Than a handful of minutes, sometimes seconds, if it's not working out, I don't.
[00:48:06] Speaker B: Think you need to constantly be worried about, oh, we got to switch and.
[00:48:09] Speaker A: Switch and switch and switch again for.
[00:48:11] Speaker B: It to be interesting, nothing like that.
[00:48:13] Speaker A: But doing different things, moving your hands.
[00:48:16] Speaker B: Different places, putting her leg or leg somewhere in a way that makes it look sexual. Moving her hands or pinning her hands down or putting her hands on you.
[00:48:25] Speaker A: You know, I mentioned earlier putting her hand on her own ass, one cheek, and telling her to pull it firmly or to just hold it. It there.
[00:48:33] Speaker B: So, leading is the opposite of being passive. Just laying there waiting for her to make the move, her being always on top. And it requires you to be physical and to do something. And so, even in the realm of toys, where a lot of men may say, oh, yeah, I'm fine with toys. I don't mind if she uses them. She uses a toy, I'm there while she uses it, or I hold it there for a few seconds and something happens. That's not leading an experience that's sexually exciting, and it's not very sexy to her. It's not going to make her feel sexy. It's manually stimulating so that it gets a result and gets her off. Which, by the way, is how a lot of couples view sex. Which is he gets his and she gets hers. And life goes on.
So many men expect their female partners to do almost everything to lead the experience, to start the experience, to look and be and feel sexy, to go down on him, to change positions, to figure out how to make her come to even some of the cleanup afterwards. But the crazy thing is a really good sexual experience where she walks away feeling like she had a wonderful time or a memorable time, or wants to do it again with you or feels sexy, usually involves the man doing almost everything. I don't mean that she's completely passive and does nothing and just lays there. I don't mean that she's not a willing participant and isn't giving back in her own way.
But in order for her to have a great experience, there's a lot, a lot of giving that has to happen.
If you really want to open her, you have to start by giving her probably several orgasms in each session. And no, orgasm is not the point. No, it doesn't have to be orgasm driven or you're trying to get there, or that's the only purpose of you doing it. But a really great opening experience will generally involve several.
And so incorporating a toy can be a really nice experience. But you want to think of it like an accoutrement, an accessory. You don't break it out. And then it has to be used or held in someone's hand for the entire duration of the experience. It could be as a warm up, it could be to get her there through one or two or three orgasms. You could get her there to the first, and you turn it off and put it down for a little bit, pick it up again later.
You could come back to it a few times or even switch toys.
How you choreograph the use of toys, how you hold them or have her hold them where they are, how accessible they are. The choreography of it all is important, too. Do you just grab it and put it on her very passively? Do you just put it in her.
[00:51:14] Speaker A: Hand and she does the work?
[00:51:15] Speaker B: Can you make it sexy by how you pull it out, how you place it on her, how she holds it.
[00:51:21] Speaker A: How you hold it while you finger her, while you're inside of her. All of these things are very sexy as well.
[00:51:26] Speaker B: You might think of a really great female lover as someone who is always ready for sex or lets you do whatever you want to her or is very easy to turn on, has orgasms easily, is down for whatever, doesn't have a lot of resistance, doesn't have a lot of self hatred or self criticism, doesn't mind that the lights are on, is down for or doing in different places and positions as adventurous. Right.
[00:51:50] Speaker A: A lot of you are in relationships with women who aren't that way, or it seems like she's not that way or doesn't have a strong interest in sex or doesn't really want to try these new things with you. And it's likely because you talk about.
[00:52:04] Speaker B: Them but you don't execute. That means you say things like, we should do that, we should try that. I'm down for that. Yeah, that sounds good. But you don't let anything come of it. Or you might be too aggressive in your approach. Meaning you jump from vanilla to becoming very grabby or aggressive. Or wanting to try anal sex or anal beads or have a threesome or go to a sex party and the jump is just too big for her to grasp. Or maybe you present it to her in a way that's too sudden, you move too quickly, or you're too firm or aggressive in your touch. Or you say something that's so out of character for you, you. I would put money on the idea that almost any woman who feels like she's a sexual woman, she wants and enjoys sex, she's craving it. That she would almost instantly be ready to try something fun and new and exciting and different with her partner.
[00:52:55] Speaker A: If he.
[00:52:56] Speaker B: If he initiates, it takes the time that she may need to transition into it and just does it on his own without asking or approval seeking. Orlando, trying to convince her or checking in too much. I'm not saying never check in. I'm not saying women do not like to be checked in with. But if you have a conversation with your partner and she's clear with you. Yeah. I want you to take the lead. Yes, of course. I'm open to anything within these parameters, or I'm open to trying anything that you actually have to do it. So let's say you're thinking about trying a new position. I do believe most women would prefer that their man just puts her in it. With a little bit of guidance, then have a dialogue about it.
[00:53:35] Speaker A: Or him say, oh, it would be so nice if you just put yourself in this position.
[00:53:39] Speaker B: You do it to her, you direct.
[00:53:41] Speaker A: Her, you tell her and she will follow suit. The secret is her following suit. I think most men don't know that's a turn on. It's arousing to her to be taken and moved and adjusted.
[00:53:53] Speaker B: It makes her feel sexy to be led in the same way that it can feel very masculine and empowering to.
[00:54:00] Speaker A: Do the leading, to basically have you do the things that you want with her while you keep her best interest in mind.
[00:54:07] Speaker B: And that's a really critical piece, so it bears repeating, keeping her best interest in mind. It's not just doing whatever you want to her, it's not just having your way with her, but you have to keep her safety in mind or the position she's in. You know, are you backing her up against a sharp counter or there things she could get hurt if you just threw her onto the, you know, the bed or the floor against the wall. Do you have to watch out for her head? That's keeping her best interest in mind?
Every man has sex a little differently. Some men do it for their own pleasure. Their only goal is to get off. That's the whole idea of sex for them, is just having this orgasm.
[00:54:43] Speaker A: And they literally don't care about what their female partner, whether she does or not or how she gets there. And very selfish lovers. Right?
[00:54:51] Speaker B: For guys like this, I'm not saying do whatever you want. Take her how you want, put her in whatever position you want, and just have your way until you come and, you know. 30 seconds to two minutes. That sounds awful. For most good guys out there, though, who care about their partner, who are invested, who want to make their partner feel better.
[00:55:10] Speaker A: You setting the stage, you taking action, you placing her leg, her foot, her knee, her arm, her hair, her head where you want it, but also in.
[00:55:19] Speaker B: A way that's comfortable for her. Wow.
[00:55:21] Speaker A: I mean, you'll be the best lover ever. And you could do this over and over and over again with different scenes and moods and ideas and all that stuff.
[00:55:29] Speaker B: Okay, lastly, and before we wrap up, one simple, easy to accomplish strategy to make your partner feel sexy or sexual is to simply look at her in a sexual or sexually provocative way.
And unfortunately, this one simple thing, eye contact, a look, a gaze, a stare, is probably one of the things that you as a man are the most uncomfortable with that you couldn't possibly fathom doing without giggling, laughing, feeling awkward, not feeling like yourself, feeling like you're being someone else. And yet it can be so easy to do.
Hop on any form of social media, any image search on Google, any sexy tv show that you've seen and look at any woman who's posing for the camera, any woman who turns you on and excites you, the way she's looking at you. Notice how even though it may seem like she's just standing there, she's provoking you, taunting you, smiling at you, teasing you, looking sultry at you. In most cases, sexiness does not come from her big smile. You might say, that's a sexy woman.
She's sexy to me. But the smile usually isn't the indicator of like, sexual attractiveness. And notice also how photographs or videos where she's looking away isn't immediately as interesting than when she's looking directly at you through the camera.
[00:56:58] Speaker A: On almost any sexy photo these days, a woman is usually looking provocative, alluring, seductively sensual. She's placing her body in a way that looks sexually delicious.
[00:57:09] Speaker B: She's got the angles, the lighting, the knee bend, the heel, the shoulder turn, the head turn, the head tilt, the hand placement. She's bouncing up and down. She's touching her straps, she's fixing things and flicking and flaunting her hair. So what are the things that you think as a man would provide contrast to that? What's the opposite of that? Or what's the masculine version of that? It's our job to figure out things that maybe look stoic, masculine, intense, passionate.
[00:57:39] Speaker A: Or like we desire her, or like we have a piercing, cutting gaze, or like we're dangerous or aggressive or dominant or confident, whatever it is.
[00:57:50] Speaker B: So there's no need to go to modeling school or try too hard or feel ridiculous or do your best zoolander impersonation. But you can't always be joking around. You can make the best face ever. But if you look like Jim Carrey, or you're trying to be playful about it or you're not taking it seriously, you're only going to make her giggle and laugh. In fact, she's probably going to giggle and laugh at you anyway, which is completely okay because that's feminine. But you have to be able to be masculine, confident, assertive in spite of her feminine wiles and her giggling. And I'm telling you guys, you can't always just be grabbing ass, light hearted, sarcastic, cracking jokes.
This whole sarcasm thing is like, really, it's not like the, the way to be that's sexy to me. It's more of a way of hiding your own discomfort or not coming to terms with being able to be vulnerable or present with your partner. You know, if you're a guy who's negative all the time, or upset or offended or hurt, or always taking things personally, or always frowning or always being negative, this is also very, very, very hard to deal with. By the way, if you're a woman or man this way, it doesn't matter who you are. If you're always taking things as an affront or a put down or thinking that there's something wrong, or trying to assume that what the person said, they had the worst intentions in mind. That's an awful, awful way to live. And where a lot of guys go after hearing all of this is they think they have to be super serious.
Like never smile and say things in a certain tone and be tight. And that's not attractive either. We're looking for authentic, calm, masculine energy that we all have. Whether it's using your voice, your eye contact, the speed, the way you move, the way you look at her, wink at her, smile at her, move her, pull her over to you, the jokes that you do crack, the ways that you do make her smile, the soft, gentle, boyish way that she loves when you do snuggle, all of that's allowed.
But to really nail this last section here, we're talking about a look. It's a look. A look of desire and men you may have never even thought about in your entire life, what that might be. So try practicing it in front of a mirror. Try asking your girl, how do I look? Try asking other women if they're willing to play with you. You know, does this look like I want you? Or do I look silly? What do I need to do? Do I need to squint less? Squint more, relax more? Not hold tension in my jaw, feel it on the inside of my body, as opposed to just trying to make myself look that way on my face. Because, fellas, once you master it and once you do it, it is possible to make your partner wetland just by looking at her.
[01:00:37] Speaker A: And if you want to know more.
[01:00:38] Speaker B: About that, I strongly recommend coming in for or booking a session by visiting cravecloseness.com and filling out an intake form or scheduling an appointment on my calendar so that you too can get in on all the fun. I hope you've enjoyed this episode as much as I have. You can listen to the closeness podcast everywhere podcasts can be found, including YouTube, Spotify, Deezer, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, Tesla, wherever you want. Thanks for listening. And please remember that the time to make your partner feel sexy is now. Not next week, not in a month, not maybe later. It's now a text, a look, a.
[01:01:12] Speaker A: Gaze, a touch, an arm around her.
[01:01:16] Speaker B: Some presents, all of that can make a huge difference.
