Speaker 0 00:00 Welcome to the closeness podcast. My name is Tari and you're listening to an all new episode called how to tell someone you're not interested. If you haven't had the opportunity to check out what personal one on one or two on one coaching might look like. Take a look at our website, get closeness.com but if you like the idea of being altruistic and supporting these podcasts just because we also have a Patrion which can be found at PA, T, R E eon N, Ford. Slash. Closeness, the link to which can be found in the description. Now are you ready to come closer? Let's get started. I think one of the biggest questions that has plagued particularly women throughout the ages is how do you let someone know that you're not interested in them without hurting their feelings? Letting them down too hard, making yourself feel bad, sacrificing your own boundaries.
Speaker 0 00:47 How do you do it? And in fact, a good majority of this podcast is going to be based on how to not tell someone that you're not interested. So we're going to take a look at several scenarios and use what we learned from each one to be able to express ourselves more cleanly, more authentically, and especially more directly. So number one, someone asks you for your phone number and you in no uncertain terms know you're not interested. What is the appropriate thing to do? Allow me right off the bat to share these miraculous life changing words with you. I'm not interested. Thank you. Or no, thank you. I'm not interested to which they may come. Some form of rebuttal to which you can reply. Thank you. I really appreciate it, but I'm not interested. What about if we can just be friends? It's okay. Thanks for your time.
Speaker 0 01:38 I'm not interested. Well, why don't we just trade Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Facebook messenger or WhatsApp. That's really okay. I'm not interested in having any more contact with you or getting together or being friends. Thank you. I'm not interested. Yeah, but you know, it's not at all uncommon for women to change their mind. They do it regularly. Sometimes girls feel one way and the next day they feel another. How can you be so certain that without even getting to know me, you're not interested in me? Don't you want to give it a chance? Thank you. I can totally see how you feel that way. And I don't mean this in any kind of offensive way, but I'm just not attracted to you or I'm just not drawn to you in that way. Now here's the deal. As you listen to more and more of this podcast, you understand that men often have to be in the position of being the one who is sort of or aggressive or asking you out.
Speaker 0 02:31 And we've also had to learn how to deal with rejection. More importantly, we've also had to learn about knee jerk responses such as, I've got a boyfriend or no thanks or I'm really busy. And both men and women know that oftentimes women test men to see if they're the real deal or they have enough confidence to push through it or they're just going to be like every other guy. So it's really important to be clear when you're expressing your disinterest in someone. Most people hear the words, I'm not interested in. Think that's a little harsh. That's a little rough. I don't want to be mean to which I will ask you, do you want this person to suffer through liking you for another day, week, month or year because you're going to allow him or her to pursue you and not actually let them know you're not interested, which is worse.
Speaker 0 03:23 Are you more worried about your feeling bad or are you actually worried about letting them down? And if you're worried about letting a perfect stranger down, then I'm 100% certain. You're even more worried about stringing a stranger on, which could lead to heartbreak, which is worse. Having an end early and right away before anyone can really get hurt or dragging someone along where people can get frustrated, angry and sad and all it takes is three simple words. I'm not interested and now we're going to explore more about what not to do. Example number two, somehow you already have each other's contact information. You either gave it to him or her by mistake or you thought maybe you might be interested and as is to be expected. When you give someone your phone number, they start inviting you out for coffee events, dinners, whatever it might be, but instead of saying, no thank you, I'm not interested, you respond by sharing your physical location over and over and over again and at work and at my moms, I met the dentist, I met the beach, I'm out of town.
Speaker 0 04:37 What's going on here? When you do that, are you inviting them to come? Are you inviting them to show up? Would you like some company, put yourself in someone else's shoes? Think about for a moment what you would do if someone actually shared their physical location with you on their phone, like you received one of those text alerts where a little map showed up so you can find them. Would that make you think that they never wanted to talk to you again? If you ask someone out and they told you they are at the bank, would that give you any inclination of whether they want to see you or not? If you really had a desire to go out with someone and they told you where they are, do you think that it's been clearly communicated whether they are interested in you or not? The truth is it gives no indication of any kind.
Speaker 0 05:19 No one frankly knows what to do. When you say you're at the park or you're at the beach or you're at a bar, what do you think you're conveying? If you've somehow convinced yourself that you think that that's a way of telling someone that you're not interested, how can they figure that out? Do you think that by saying, my mom's in town for the weekend or I have a friend in town visiting is somehow conveying to please, never contact you for the rest of your life. Now, here's what's interesting. Even people who like each other, people who want to have sex with each other, and people who would have even enjoyed seeing each other today still respond by sharing their physical location. Even couples do this, Hey babe, do you want to grab lunch? I can't. I'm at work. I can't. I'm with my girlfriend. I can't.
Speaker 0 06:06 I'm at the bar. So my recommendation always, if you're not interested in another human being, is not to drag the conversation on, not to give them the impression that you're interested, but you just happen to be such a busy girl or guy. But to actually use the three magic words, I'm not interested. And then it's up to you. If that feels too harsh or too direct or too sharp to add your own softeners around it, add your own prefixes and suffixes. Hey, I really appreciate your time, or thanks for asking me out. Or things have changed in my relationship, or I'm going to be celibate for a little while, or I'm genuinely not interested. And you could even go so far as saying, I'm not feeling an attraction, but thank you. Anyway. Now there's another big danger in sharing your physical location that no one ever talks about.
Speaker 0 06:54 No one ever has awareness around. And that's that by telling someone where you are repeatedly, you create, yes, the person sharing their physical location, you create a neediness, a desperation in the person who's asking you out because they have no choice but to keep asking and asking and asking. And this will wind up creating resentment in you and most likely wind up leading you to treat them poorly. So as usual, imagine you ask someone out and they say, I met my moms. So then you say, okay, cool. How about tomorrow at three? Oh, I'm working. Hmm, okay. What about Wednesday at seven? Oh, my friend's coming in from out of town and we're going to go have dinner and drinks. Sorry. Okay, I've got it. How about a hike? Saturday morning and Runyon Canyon. We'll get outside, we'll get nature and we'll do it first thing in the morning.
Speaker 0 07:52 Oh gosh. You know, I'm going to have had such a busy week from all of the activities that I've filled it with, from spending all this time. With all my other friends filling my schedule from top to bottom with every single waking moment that I'm awake doing something, some activity, going somewhere, being somewhere saying yes to everything possible. I think I'm just going to be too tired that morning. Saturday is a day I like to keep for myself next time, next time, and as you continue to just spout off your schedule, nothing is happening, but you're turning that person into someone who's very needy. How about now? How about now? What about this? What about Thursday? What about Friday? Now, like a panting puppy dog, they're asking you consistently to try to figure out when's a good time to get together. You think erroneously that they just don't get it, but it's actually you who doesn't get it.
Speaker 0 08:39 You think you've communicated something that's actually not there. You want someone to fabricate truth out of nothing and worse than that, you will likely start to get irritated by the other person asking, Hey, what are you doing Sunday? Hey, you want to come out to the beach on Monday? Hey, do you have to work today? Why don't we get together? In fact, if I continued to simply solicit invitations to the air like I'm doing now by about the eighth or ninth one, you'd say, okay enough, I get it. I'm not interested. As I was mentioning earlier, when someone likes someone, they are also guilty of saying, yeah, I do want to get together but I'm at work. I do want to get together, but I'm at the dentist and all it takes is using the magic word, but, but how about Tuesday? But let's get together next time.
Speaker 0 09:28 So because people who are sexually interested in each other also share their physical location, you want to avoid it completely when you're not interested in someone. If you want someone to get it, let them know in very clear terms, I'm not interested. Number three, other similar statements carry the exact same level of annoyance on both people's parties and also do nothing to express your disinterest in someone. Examples given are I'm busy, I can't. Hey Victoria, he want to catch a movie with me this weekend. I can't. What do you say to that when you think you're interested in someone you think they're interested in you and they give you this flat out, I can't, or even worse. Oh, I wish I could but I can't, or I'd love to, but I can't. So the only thing that statements like that do effectively is let the person know that in this red hot moment or when you asked, they're unable to do something.
Speaker 0 10:27 But what it certainly doesn't do is express interest or disinterest. Now since men are often taught or have often learned to not take wishy washy answers as confirmation and to also not hear someone's inability to go in that red hot minute as a direct translation for your lack of interest, they're going to keep pursuing and pursuing and pursuing. You want him to get the hint. And that phrase itself is absolutely horrible when it comes to male, female dynamics. Maybe when you're together, maybe after you know each other a little bit, maybe once you start reading into one another, both of you could get it or get the hint or understand what you're in the mood for. But to expect a perfect stranger from God knows what background and and potentially being from a different country Arab place than you are to expect them to get anything without you using direct communication is a big ask.
Speaker 0 11:21 Getting the hint is only used in situations when people aren't getting the hint, which means they're not getting the hint and if they did get the hint, you wouldn't have to give them the hint. So if you do something other than giving the hint in your communication, you might actually be more successful in the outcome you're looking for. Consider this. Would you rather let someone, you're definitely not interested know that you're not interested in them or would you prefer constantly darting and ignoring texts, replying to texts with silly that you don't believe in and blowing someone off over and over again? It's really worth asking yourself, is there something you're getting from the attention? Even though you're not letting the person go, you simply can't hope that someone's going to take the hint by making a statement that can only be interpreted as, I just can't do it right now because I'm physically located somewhere else.
Speaker 0 12:15 The only thing that you might be telegraphing is that you're a very busy person and as you'll learn in future episodes, being a very busy person can be very sexually undesirable. Number four, there are a few more ways that people subversively express disinterest that involve sharing their mood. I'm really tired. I don't feel like it. I'm not really feeling up to it. Um, my friend, Jacqueline's going to be drinking alcohol for the eighth time this weekend and I really don't want to miss that. Everybody always gets really hung over and if I miss that, I might get FOMO and that makes me feel really bad. I think I really just feel like I need to stay the night in tonight. Naturally. If I were to use any of those statements, it would always be proceeded by a big fat. But yeah, another group event for the 15th time this week.
Speaker 0 13:05 I've got to go to it, but I would love to some other time, but what that doesn't convey is my disinterest in the person who's asking that in no way would suggest to another person that I don't ever want to see them again, that I'm not interested in any further invitations from them. The only thing it conveys is that in this red hot minute, you're not in the mood, but please try again in the future. I might say yes. Now what responses like this and the previous ones always do is they perpetuate a need to be chased. We go a lot into chasing and other episodes, but setting up your conversation so that you're never giving anything. You're only taking, taking, taking the desire, the attention, the chase, the feeling wanted or needed, but you're never giving anything back. It's a very unattractive way to start an intimate relationship.
Speaker 0 14:01 Number five and one that surely many of you will be extremely guilty of next time. What exactly is next time and when does next time come about? The funny thing about using the expression next time is that it actually expresses interest in doing something next time, huh? There's a concept that works so as painfully obvious as this may sound, you're never going to believe this, but the only way to tell someone that you're actually not interested accurately is to pretty much use the following three words. Repeat after me. I'm not interested, and if I may, doing so is always recommended in a thoughtful, caring, loving, and considerate way. Here's someone who likes you. They called you out. They took the time to say, Hey, your someone I'm interested in now you want to abuse them or treat them poorly or roll your eyes or ignore them or dismiss them.
Speaker 0 14:59 It took a lot for them to ask you out. It takes a lot for anyone to put themselves in the line and ask you out. Remember, someone is showing interest in you. Try treating someone the way you would actually want to be treated if you had the nerve and the gall and the confidence to approach someone and say, Hey, you're someone who had really loved to spend some time with, you know, someone pretended they didn't hear you, or they were rude to you, ignored you, let you won, how would it make you feel? Horrible. Of course. But unfortunately we live in a world where women very rarely experienced rejection, that kind of harsh, flat-out rejection. No way get out of here having a drink thrown in their face, being totally ignored. Someone saying absolutely not you wish, or even being strung on and on and on.
Speaker 0 15:42 In fact, there are countless numbers of private clients who've shared with me in confidence. These words, I've never been rejected before. Can you imagine that? Never once in their life. Nothing comes to mind. A time when they've been rejected, and this is one of the contributing reasons why in their marriage, when they stop having sex with their partner or it's been a really long time. Why? They're devastated when they feel rejection for the first time. And most people don't know how to handle themselves. There's nothing worse than seeing someone blow someone off and also act disgusted or irritable that the person even had the nerve or audacity to ask them out to begin with. How about any of the following? Hey, thanks for your time. I'm really flattered and I appreciate your interest, but I'm not interested. You've got a really nice way about you and you seem cool, but I'm just not feeling it.
Speaker 0 16:34 I know it sounds like a typical response, but I really do have a boyfriend and I'm very happy in our relationship together. By the way, when you're talking about your boyfriend, things you should never say are, if I didn't have a boyfriend, I'd love to have sex with you, which is something you actually hear a lot and saying that only makes a person feel like they'd have a chance with you or that if things don't work out in the next day or two or week or two, perhaps you'll be having sex soon. It's also really obvious when people lie about having a boyfriend, but really don't. It causes men to ask follow up questions. Are you happy in that relationship? How's it going with that person? How long have you been together? It does fall on the person asking to respect the phrase, I'm not interested. If someone lets you know that they have a boyfriend, men, yes we have to respect that and if we're having a nice conversation we are certainly allowed to inquire a bit more.
Speaker 0 17:26 We can say things like, are you happy in that relationship? Are you both monogamous? Are you in an open relationship? Are you just telling me you have a boyfriend to get it out there? So it's clear, but you've been thinking about leaving him for awhile. Where do things lie with you? And the fact of the matter is many people are in unhappy relationships that they do want to get out of or wind up getting out of in the next week or month. And so therefore it's worth having a conversation about, which is why I come back to again and again. If you are 100% sure that whether you are in a relationship or not, that you're not interested in this person, I'm not interested goes so much farther. Oftentimes people can smell when you're being dishonest about having a boyfriend or not. And so the more authentic you can be with your responses, the more likely we're going to be able to honor them easily and respect them without any questions being asked.
Speaker 0 18:16 And to be clear, yes you deserve to have all of your boundaries respected, but we don't deserve to be lied to one another. We don't deserve to have things completely explained to us in a way that's just not true. And then also get the hint and then also never talk to you again. Then also leave you alone just because you said you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that you don't have. So what we're looking at here, friends deals a lot with direct communication, which for many women and many people who are in their feminine, or many people who are nonconfrontational struggle with so often where the feminine feels the most comfortable is by communicating indirectly without being obvious. And also without causing any issue. But it's my sincere belief. If you want to have a safe, easy, loving, friendly exchange with someone, even if you're going to reject them, that honesty is the best policy.
Speaker 0 19:07 And to that end, you may have to repeat yourself because yes, oftentimes men are unfortunately relentless. It's something that men have learned they have to do if they want to get anywhere. And I'm not saying that's an attractive quality, but there are qualities about women as well that make it so men have to ask and ask and ask. And some women even test men this way to make sure they like them. But sometimes yes, you have to be a little more forceful and direct. Hey, I'm genuinely not interested. Look, I don't want things to go beyond here with you and I thank you for your time. I really appreciate it, but thanks anyway. I'm actually just not attracted to you and I don't mean that offensively and I think we should be able to say statements like that to one another. I'm not suggesting you tell people that they're ugly or insult them or put them down, but to be honest and say that you're not attracted to them, and that's the reason why you do not want to stay in touch and continue something is a very valid statement.
Speaker 0 20:02 Men know very well they're not trying to have sex with women who they're not attracted to. So why should you? So getting comfortable with the idea that to say, Hey, I'm just not feeling an attraction here. That's all right. And men, we have to know how to hear that. We have to be able to take truth even if we don't like it. Even if we think we can show a better side of ourselves and accept it. Direct communication may sound harsh at first, but it's going to be the most effective way to have an intimate conversation when you first get to know someone. And in fact, it's something I think that can be practiced throughout the entire course of a relationship. When you know each other, you've been having sex for a while, you have full consent with one another and you're a woman and you want your guy to sort of guests or imagine what you might like and delight you and surprise you.
Speaker 0 20:46 That's a different story. When you communicate directly with someone, just imagine how much time you can save by not having to block their number, ignore their messages, screen your voicemails. Everyone hates wasting time. Women say it all the time that they don't want their time to be wasted. Why? Then subject yourself to all of this. In another podcast, you'll hear an entire episode dedicated and devoted to the idea of women and men just being friends and whether or not that's possible, but it's worth taking a little time here to flesh that out as well. If you've ever been guilty of using the phrase, let's just be friends. I strongly recommend that you mean it and that if you don't mean it that you don't want to spend one on one quality time with that person in a friendly situation alone, just you and him or you and her that you never say it again.
Speaker 0 21:39 I think all people should be able to put suitors into about one of four or five categories. Someone who you are so certain that you dislike that you never want to speak to again for the rest of your life. Something rubs you the wrong way about them. You dislike them, they make you feel uncomfortable and you feel, or at least for right now that you want nothing to do with them versus an acquaintance who is someone who you don't mind if you bump into them. You don't mind if you see them but you have no desire to get together with them one on one. Even that is someone I would hesitate to recommend as someone who would be friends with you on Facebook, follow you on Instagram or having a way to stay in touch with you regularly. This is more like someone you want to say hello to when you see them in a group gathering.
Speaker 0 22:26 The third type of person is someone you actually do want to be friends with, someone with whom you're actually willing to put in the work with. And so when you say, let's just be friends, you mean it now it's questionable. If you tell someone who's interested in having sex with you that you just want to be friends and they say, okay, great, sounds good that he's not. Then going to try to constantly turn that into something that's going to benefit him in a sexual way, but you certainly could put that out and you certainly could propose. Look, if you're genuinely interested in being my friend, I would love to hang out with you. You seem really cool, but I want to be clear. I don't feel attracted to you. I don't have a strong attraction to you. I'm not interested in being sexual with you.
Speaker 0 23:10 Wow. That is such beautiful, clear communication. You'd go anywhere from there. The fourth category is a bit of a tricky one because this is someone who you might have sexual interest in or you might like something about them, but the timing isn't right. You're involved with someone, you're in a committed relationship with someone, in which case you've got no business flirting with or spending time with them and someone like this is likely to be someone who you're going to have to establish a very strong boundary with. Unless you're polyamorous, you're in an open relationship, you have an understanding with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend because of you. That strong sexual attraction and connection, you feel like something's there or he's really got it bad for you or vice versa, but you can't engage in that way. It's going to be unhealthy from the get go for all people involved.
Speaker 0 23:58 And so that's a really hard one. That's someone who you almost have to treat like an acquaintance or put into that category because otherwise you're gonna get yourself in a lot of trouble. And then of course the fifth category is someone who you are sexually and romantically interested in and there's no blockages, there's nothing keeping you from exploring it and there's nothing holding you back and that's perfect because that bleeds right into our last chapter about what to do when you are interested in someone. Let me share an interesting little story with you from middle ground being in a place where you are interested but you can't really tell if the other person is interested in you or not. So I've saved some messages from a long time ago from someone who I thought was very interested in me romantically and sexually when we first met.
Speaker 0 24:44 One of the first things she said to me was that she wanted to keep my jacket warm and on her chair while I was in my appointment. In fact, I later gave her and the other girls in the office a fashion show and asked their opinion on a couple pieces of clothing I was wearing and we all were laughing and playing and having a good time. She smiled and talked to me for 15 minutes, got curious about me, asked me what I was into. We exchanged Instagrams and phone numbers, a lot of heavy eye contact and smiling. A lot of funny jokes, a lot of sharing of YouTube clips all within the first several moments of meeting one another. So later on I had sent her a message asking her to send me a photograph of something that was in the office that I was actually thinking about purchasing.
Speaker 0 25:23 This was her response to me. Hey, smiley face, smiley face, smiley face. Sure. Press my photograph down for a picture of me smiling. So she had sent me a live photo with her in the background giving me a big happy smile. Me. Why are you so much fun? Are you this way with all the boys? Her? Ha ha. Thank you. Your fun to Otari only the cute ones. We continued to exchange some photographs and messages. She replies to one of my photos. Woo. You better be very careful walking around looking like that. I love a popped collar her again. Hey, sorry for not replying. I've been out of town since Friday night. What are you up to today? Me. I let her know what I'm up to invite her to do something. No reply for a couple of days. Her good morning. How are you? Sorry, I've been Mia for a bit.
Speaker 0 26:12 Face with hand covering mouth now friends already at this point I have a very keen sense of where this is going and I find that women who have romantic interest in you fall into one of three categories. A hell yes. In which case you get together as soon as possible and you explore everything that's there or there's something going on. Is she finishing another relationship? Is she dating other people? Is something going on where her interest isn't super heightened and we've got to get together right now because there's just some other stuff going on in her life and then I would venture to say there's this third category which is a very, very sad one because I believe all of the signs are there for romantic and sexual interest, the flirtation, the playfulness, the sweetness, the followup, the consideration, the flirting. What else could one possibly assume then that you're destined to have sex with one another with such sweet, loving responses.
Speaker 0 27:05 But it's hard and these types of women will let things drag on and on and on and on. And listen, if you're a trooper, man, you're listening to this, you want me to drag on for three weeks a month? Yeah, there might be a chance that one day finally, things change and by your tenacity and your persistence you got through. But I wouldn't stick both of your eggs in her basket. And I would strongly recommend that if a woman or a man is treating you this way, where they're stringing you on and on and on and on with loving words and a desire to see you and an apology and an emphasis that they can wait to get together, but they can't put their money where their mouth is, move on or just let them be an afterthought. But you know, I'm going to record a podcast about this, so let's continue the story a little bit longer.
Speaker 0 27:50 So now I'm getting curious and I say, Hey, have you been having some boy trouble? What's with the silence her? No boy trouble more like nine year old trouble. Okay, so she's letting me know she has a daughter. Me. I'm up in Del Mar near where you live. I love to grab a snack with you her. I'm working until four 30 I love to grab a snack with you, but I can only snack long distance right now. Ha ha. So I continue purposely with friendly invitations and open availability without getting stressed and frustrated just to see how far this is going to go her several days later. Good morning. I want to apologize. I'm so sorry for being rude. I've been dealing with a few things, but it's no excuse. Please let me make it up to you. Now listen, no matter what you might be telling yourself when you listen to this, if you're convinced that she's stringing me along or she's just not interested, or there's something wrong, or there's some sort of disconnect here, whatever you might believe to be true about her disinterest, how would someone who genuinely had things come up and was interested, express themselves, if not like this, with this much care and consideration and apologies and a desire to see one another.
Speaker 0 29:02 So I say thank you. That means a lot and it sounds great. Why don't you make it up to me by doing.dot. Dot. And I suggested a couple other fun activities, no response for two days. Her, several days later, Hey, I'm hiking. What are you up to? I'll FaceTime you when I'm back, unless you want to come see me in nature. And she sends me a beautiful photograph of her doing a backbend on a bridge, which looks very enticing and inviting. Now, she didn't FaceTime me later, of course, but me, I would love to be in nature with you. But I'm at the beach myself until later tonight. Why don't we do something after or later tonight? Did she pull through? Did she say yes? Did she meet up with me? No, no response. Woe is me. Let's try some girly tricks. I send a photograph of myself. I love this photo.
Speaker 0 29:51 She says, I give her a phone call, no response. Her. Good morning, I was in bed when you called, have a great day. Literally the emoji that looks like it's licking you. Now, after all that, who knows whether she's authentically interested or not, whether she wants to be sexual or not, whether she just wants attention or whether she just doesn't know how to accurately say I'm not interested, but does so by showing all of the signs of being interested. Right? We just don't know. But there's another big reason why I share a story like this with you and it's very sad and very disheartening. And that's the idea of losing the ability to form crushes, getting excited for a woman, having a crush on her, putting her up on a pedestal a little bit, making her feel special. Like she's the only one you're interested in or fascinated by.
Speaker 0 30:39 And what do women want if not to feel special or like they're the only one that you desire and they want to feel like you're not doing this with all the other girls. You have a crush on them. You like them. Women love this. They want that. They thrive off that. Women don't want a man who's talking to 10 different women. They want to feel secure and stable but also excited at the same time. And so unfortunately what situations like this and women like this create is they take away that innocent, fun, exciting crush that build up that excitement, that hope or the possibility of something going somewhere with someone when it never happens and maybe it never even had the chance to do so. We don't know with everything I know so far. I still have no idea if she had a lot going on in her life or whatever that might mean or if it's boy trouble or she's depressed or if she's bipolar or if she just keeps her plate too full and is terrible about responding or just like stringing people on or really never was interested to begin with.
Speaker 0 31:44 Who knows what if I was 16 if I was 26 maybe even if I was somewhere in my early thirties I would have thought, I have so much hope with this person. I like her. She likes me. My excitement is building up. I don't know why she hasn't gotten together with me yet, but everything else is pointing to the idea that she wants to be with me or have sex with me or have some form of romantic exchange, but because women will string guys along for who knows what reason. Well, not only can we no longer have these crushes or invest too much or get our hopes up, we learn not to get excited, not to make you the special person in our life. Not to have you be the person we're looking forward to because it can all just come crashing down or never go anywhere to begin with.
Speaker 0 32:31 And it becomes hard for men to trust you sometimes respect you or no, you're going to follow through or do what you're going to say you're going to do. It makes it for us to like you invest in you. But most importantly, how can men only pursue you when you're giving absolutely nothing back and you're apparently interested in showing all of the signs like you are. We can't. And that's why we put our eggs into more than one basket and then we start playing the field or we're talking to different people or we're keeping our options open because there's no action happening over here other than some empty hollow text messages. And that's unfortunate. So to conclude, if you are interested in someone, if you do really like them, if you have sexual or romantic desire, if you're curious, what should you do? Well, if you haven't figured it out already, you should say, hell yes.
Speaker 0 33:23 You should try to get together as quickly as possible. You should make things happen. You should make space for that person in your life. What you shouldn't do is Dick around. You shouldn't prolong it. You shouldn't let two to four to six to 12 weeks go by in between seeing each other. I was in the case previously. You shouldn't be telling people how busy you are. You shouldn't be making yourself an available to try to purportedly make yourself more desirable. If you're interested in someone, it often comes down to one big fat butt. That's it. Adding a butt to your responses and letting someone know when you actually have time and space for them. Ah, I can't, but I wish I could, but I met my moms, my girlfriends, the bar, the park, getting my nails done, but I'll be done in an hour. What about tomorrow?
Speaker 0 34:17 A little back and forth, a little demonstrating that you care and you actually give a shit. And I mean that the strong language is intentional. It often feels to men like women just don't care that we're not important. That by expressing how busy you are all the time or demonstrating how unavailable you are, even though we're talking and communicating and laughing and flirting and trading numbers, when you don't suggest something else, it literally just feels like all you want is attention and women constantly admit, all women want his attention, but don't you find that to be a quality that you don't admire in yourself? Don't you find women or men who need constant validation and constant neverending attention or sexual gratification? Isn't that an unattractive quality? Look, if you are that compelled, you can't help yourself. You just must share your physical location. Follow it up with a nice plump, round, juicy butt.
Speaker 0 35:16 But let me call you back. Let me plan something with you. What about next Thursday? What about later tonight? What if we were really spontaneous and met in an hour? Something that lets your partner know that you actually care and are interested after listening to all of this, doesn't it seem a little odd and strange that we have to learn how to say, yeah, I love to do that. No, I don't want to. I'm not interested. And wouldn't you tell your friend to do the exact same thing rather than blocking, ghosting, flaking, ignoring, constantly checking your phone and realizing it's not someone you want to talk to and then ignoring it. Again, if you really take this to heart and you put it into practice, you can watch your world change right before your eyes. It's a 40 minute podcast, but it only takes one word, but it's a 40 minute podcast, but it only takes three words. If you're not, I'm not interested. Have a wonderful day. Thank you for listening. We hope you've enjoyed this immensely. You can learn more about getting one on one or two on one coaching in real time by visiting our website, get closeness.com and if you've been touched by what you've heard here today and the closeness podcast has inspired you to make a positive change in your life, please consider donating to our
[email protected] forward slash closeness. Thank you. And we'll see you in the next episode.
