Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hi, and welcome to the closeness podcast, your new sexual education. We take complex intimate subjects and unravel them in a way that you can do something with this is also known as sexual guidance and direction. We offer dating relationship and intimacy coaching, and we'll also teach you how to have in no uncertain terms, better hotter sex. So please take a moment to subscribe to our YouTube
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[email protected]. Now are you ready to come closer? Let's get started for most of us. A breakup is one of the most difficult and trying experiences of our lives. There's nothing that harvests all of our emotional wounds, our drama, our baggage from the past who we were as children, our insecurities fears and worst nightmares, the way that a really good breakup does.
Speaker 0 00:01:01 So this is part one of a two part series, and it acts as a precursor to actually going through a breakup will help you consider things about the partner you're currently with. And if they're actually a good choice for you, we'll also look at things that you might consider about the person you'd like to be with in the hopes that by making the right choices. Now you can avoid a more painful breakup in the future. We'll break down the episode into about 20 or so. Concepts is not that one has to lead to the next or that you need to memorize or deal with all 20, but they all involve ways to think about your breakup. Think about yourself and how you're feeling and think about your partner in ways that are beneficial to both of you. So you don't wind up hating them, resenting them, being angry about what's going on, being devastated by what's going on and especially so you don't wind up hurting so much.
Speaker 0 00:01:48 There are ways around it. We deal with a lot of natural responses when we're feeling pain about breakups, but there are tools that I have to share with you that can make things better. So the idea behind this episode, part one is that understanding yourself better and understanding your partner better, thinking more about your choices can lead to less pain and understanding how your partner might be feeling or why you've made the choices that you have can get you out of suffering and precipitate a bad breakup. If you're suffering really badly, though, right now, this episode part one is more for thinking about it before you're in that terrible painful place. And you don't know what to do with yourself. Part two, on the other hand, that's where we're going to dive into tools and resources for how to actually take care of yourself during a breakup, how to think what to do and how to not feel the Bismal pain that comes from the hurt of law.
Speaker 1 00:02:43 But yeah,
Speaker 0 00:02:44 This episode is especially useful. If you're on the fence about someone you've been going back and forth with lots of fights recently, and you're wondering what you should do. You don't feel heard, you don't understand how or why you wound up with someone else, why you're sticking it through with them or why you bother staying when things are so bad, if you're single and you want to be involved with someone, or you don't understand why you're attracted to a certain type, this episode is great to get clear on why you're with someone or why you chose them. Understanding that is of massive importance if you want your relationship to survive. So hopefully after listening to both parts of these episodes, you'll be able to step back into confidence, wellness, vitality, or remember what it's like to feel sexy or desired or attractive. Remember what it's like to feel loved.
Speaker 0 00:03:28 And then hopefully you'll be able to move past your breakup without that terrible pain that remains lodged in your chest or your stomach and not carry that forward into new relationships. If you want to be in a longterm relationship, or you are currently in one, this episode is for you. If you're thinking about breaking up or it's about that time, and you're wondering what to do this episode is for you. Even if you thought at the beginning, you didn't want much, but once you got involved with this person, everything changed this episode is for you. Okay? So let's jump right in. It's very interesting that no one ever gets into a relationship with the intention of breaking up. And yet almost all of us have had in one way or another. Our fair share of breakups. And what's even more interesting is most of us don't want to get back together with our exes once we've broken up.
Speaker 0 00:04:18 And if you have a string of axes or many Xs from several years ago, you don't feel the same about them anymore in any way, shape or form. So first and foremost, whatever's going on right now, when you feel so attached to your partner, but you're struggling and you're not sure what's going to happen. And you might feel lost. It may not be as bad as you think it may not be as heavy as you think, because in the past, when time went by, when years went by and your previous relationships, suddenly it doesn't seem as relevant anymore. Does it sadly or wonderfully for better, for worse time, often heals this too shall pass. You will get through it. You never want to hear this when you're in the middle of it, but having that sense that there's a cycle to life that you've been through this before and millions and billions and trillions of people have been through this before helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel and maybe not give it so much weight.
Speaker 0 00:05:13 So we never go into relationships expecting a breakup or thinking it's going to happen to us. We always think that we're different. And yet we all know what that pain feels like. So chances are it's going to happen to us again, there are precious few people on the planet. Perhaps we can't even name more than a handful. Those who, you know, who married their high school sweetheart, or have been together for 50 years. And even if they are, do you really have any idea? If they're truly happy? Are they having connected sex, or if that's no longer important, are they sharing real, authentic, intimate moments together with eye gazing or kissing or cuddling and caressing and all of the closeness that so many of us love, we enter relationships with an idea that we're going to be with someone forever or for a very long time, or that they are our special one, this concept of romanticism.
Speaker 0 00:06:05 And we often have expectations of what that will be. Unfortunately, most of us have very different expectations and thoughts about how this will look. Some people have very traditional ideas about what a man or woman should be doing in a relationship. Others think that things and favors and activities and purchases and outings should be done exclusively for them, that they should just be taken care of. Others still have only ever been in relationship with people who care for them. And therefore the entire relationship deals with managing their trauma and stress and what's going on for them. But when it comes time to listen to their partner, they're nowhere to be found. They attack. They're not resourceful. They're completely useless or unhelpful in a conflict. Some people run away vanish, or you find out what someone's true colors are when you ask something of them and they flip it around and make it seem like they're the victim. We don't go to relationship school. We don't learn how to break up. We don't know how to reject appropriately. And we don't know how to let someone down appropriately.
Speaker 2 00:07:07 And yet we expect
Speaker 0 00:07:09 Our partner to have the sensitivity, the wherewithal, and the know how to handle anything and everything that may come up with us, how to read our minds, to know our, every whim, to know exactly what we may want or need in a moment, even though that's an everchanging thing to be there for us under any and all conditions. And we want them to love us and accept us 100% without judgment, even when we're at our worst. So we get into relationships without any healthy knowledge about how to actually have one. And then we have this truckload, this veritable ton of expectations when it comes to how we should be treated and what should be done for us, we don't go into it expecting to break up. And yet, most of us have no tools to healthily, navigate a relationship going in. How many of you out there really feel like, you know, how to care for someone else's heart, how to look out for your partner, even when your hurting and your struggling with something that they did, how to make sure that we take care of both our own needs and our soon to be X's needs how to not attack, how to respond with empathy, how to not escalate and explode.
Speaker 0 00:08:14 And then most of us wind up doing the very thing that most of us would find inexcusable or intolerable. We flat out lie. We exaggerate the truth. We minimize it. We don't speak it. Most of us tell white lies and major ones as well. And then the big lie that we tell ourselves is that we don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings. This is often why we stay in relationship. I don't want to hurt them. Oh, I don't want to tell them we say that. But the truth is most of us are so unbelievably selfish that we don't want to feel the guilt and the pain, the shame, and the very negative feelings that come along with breaking up with someone who you love or who loves you. We don't want to let them down. We don't want to hurt them. And we don't want let them go because we're terrified about how it might affect us ourselves on a personal level.
Speaker 0 00:09:01 Now, further to that, many of us get involved with people who we should have never been involved with from the beginning. Maybe it could have been a fun fling, little intimacy, some sex here and there, but when you're hot sultry, fleeing that you were having to get revenge on an ex boyfriend turns into something more serious. Most of us should have hit the eject button a long time ago. So pillar two is thinking about what are some of the common reasons that people get involved in relationships with one another. They were there. They were the only one they seemed out of your league. They just happened to be willing to have sex with you. You caught them at an interesting moment. You have no chemistry together, but they were there. And it seemed like a good idea. They're on a rampage of self destruction and taking you with them.
Speaker 0 00:09:42 They showed an interest in you that you hadn't seen in someone else. You thought they were really cute. You met them under circumstances that made them seem like they were someone else they made you think that they were someone else. They pretended to be someone else. You're a very monogamous person. And they are a very open, free spirited person or vice versa. So many people lie or exaggerate about that. Wanting to give the impression that they're much more open or much more monogamous because their partner appears to be that way. Or finally, maybe you just found a few redeeming qualities. Someone seemed nice and sweet, or like a good guy. And so you just spent more time together. And so in many cases, you wind up in relationship simply by virtue of them being there pretending to be someone else is perhaps to me, one of the most insidious ways that people wind up together when they really shouldn't be.
Speaker 0 00:10:32 And there are a couple ways that people do this. The first is when someone pretends or behaves in a way that doesn't line up at all with who they are as a person, circumstance and environment has a lot to do with this as well. I once had a girlfriend who I met at what you might call a spiritual gathering with a lot of people who I liked and trusted and respected. And because she was there, I assumed she was likeminded. And like the rest of the people there, other people think that putting your best foot forward or being on your best behavior is a way to win someone over then they're with you for a week or a month or two. And the real you comes out, which you can't hide. Cause it's always going to be in there anyway. You can't get around that. And so to me, these are reasons why you say, well, really work on being an authentic version of yourself. You don't have to try so hard to impress or to be something that you're not because you're going to wind up getting involved with someone who believes something other about you. And then we'll later resent. You hate you, not respect you, not trust you and so on and so forth.
Speaker 0 00:11:35 Now the other really shady way that people capture their mate, so to speak, perhaps someone who they shouldn't be with is through physical appearance. And certainly women are much more guilty of this than others because of the enhanced appearances. So all of the fake, anything fake butts, fake boobs, push up bras, long nails, fake eyelashes, fake eyebrows, fake lips, lip injections, Botox, hair, extensions, all of these things that make you look like someone who you're not. So when you present this in a photograph or an online dating situation, or you meet them when you're out and about, or they've massively studied your Instagram profile, which is particularly curated with only the most perfect lighting angles and filters, and then maybe you've slept together a few times looking like that. Now you've sort of got your teeth in someone, and then they see who you really are.
Speaker 0 00:12:22 And I'm not suggesting that who someone really is, is a terrible thing or an ugly thing or an awful thing. I'm simply saying, it's not who you've enhanced yourself to be. It's not who you've embellished yourself to be. And what is the number one thing that women want, or we all want to be accepted for who we are to be liked and appreciated for who we are as a person, not what we look like, not how big our boobs are or how round our butts are or how skinny we are or how Kirby we are. You want to be accepted for who you are. And when you go through the trouble to do all of these enhancements, you're effectively tricking someone. Hoodwinking them into thinking that you look like something else or someone else. So men get hypnotized by this version of you. They fall in love or fall in lust.
Speaker 0 00:13:13 They think you look one way and not another. And again, this isn't a commentary on how you actually look, but what you're advertising is false. It's something much, much different. And you yourself think so as well, because it's an enhanced version of you. Otherwise you wouldn't do it. If you didn't think that you looked better or felt better or felt more confident when you put on all the fake stuff, then you wouldn't do it because you would have loved yourself naturally. Right? So to me, presenting a clean, healthy, naturally looking you when you first meet someone or on the first few dates. So they know who you really are. Then if both partners can behave the way they actually are going to behave several months down the line. Wow, that to me is a much better way to make a first impression. I always say, I don't want to know how good you can look on the first date.
Speaker 0 00:14:01 I don't want to see the best version of you. I'd actually rather see the worst and then be pleasantly surprised as time goes on. Not more and more disappointed, but now when you're putting a different version of you forward the real version of you now, you know who you're getting involved with. Now, we've got some authenticity on the table. I go through all the trouble to share this because choosing the right partner from the beginning is the perfect way to avoid a bad breakup. It can mean staying together longer. It can mean loving and appreciating your partner even more. So how do we wind up being with the wrong person all the time? How does that happen to so many people so often? Well, for whatever reason, when we meet someone that we like or we're attracted to, we feel some form of positive emotion.
Speaker 0 00:14:43 And by the way, we're not always if ever attracted to the people who are best for us, it's something different at play there. But when we feel attraction, what do we do when we feel that spark or that curiosity? Often we just go with it often. We're just flying by the seat of our pants. Especially if you found someone attractive in elementary school, junior high, high school, college, we model what we've seen in movies or how we've seen our friends behave or how a family has behaved. And we rely on our own likely underdeveloped instincts or intuition. And we tell ourselves, Oh, I always listened to my heart. Or I always listened to my gut. Your instinct is not necessarily always 100% dead. On many times. It is many times. It has your best interest in mind. But all you have to do is look at your long list of ex boyfriends or girlfriends to know how in touch you really were.
Speaker 0 00:15:31 Or maybe you just tell yourself it was right for the time. How do we navigate our relationship? Once we're involved with this random person that we felt attracted to? Sometimes we seek counsel from our friends, family, brothers, sisters, neighbors, people in our community. Sometimes we ask our best friend who just happens to be the person we grew up with. So they know us very well, but who are they when it comes to appropriately dealing with your emotions or how to actually communicate with someone else or someone of the opposite sex and who are our friends really to know us so well, if not just people who happen to grow up in the same community or city that we've lived in frequented the same places, maybe know some of the same people. Are they not often people with a similar mindset that we have sometimes it's different, but what if you have a family member or close friend who views women as commodities or as being disposable? What if you have a friend or family member who've used men as tools, something to use to get money and wealth and resources from what if that's what you're surrounded by slowly but surely becomes part of your own thinking.
Speaker 0 00:16:37 So then to understand ourselves better. Now we have to know where we came from. As people in the past, traditionally marriage and longterm relationships in the past have meant very different things. At times it was an arranged marriage sometimes to increase the wealth of your family other times, still to survive and procreate only very recently in the last, what, 50 years or so have people begun to give thought to who they really want to attract as a mate. And if it's this new, this idea that you can have someone who is your everything, or who checks off so many boxes for you, how can you possibly be expected to know who that person really is when you're lost in the sauce of attraction and hot sacks and something drawing you to this person? We think that that's enough to say, Ooh, I feel it. And when I feel it, I know it there's chemistry there.
Speaker 0 00:17:27 So therefore I'm going to move forward. And we have no idea with every relationship. What type of Pandora's box we're about to open rare is the person who spends considerable amount of time. Thinking about journaling, about meditating, about attracting a really good match. Someone who fulfills them on many levels while being aware of their monsters and demons, traumas, and baggage needs and things that make them crazy and knowing how to actually share their crazy side. Have you ever been able to ask and inquire and solicit about someone else's crazy? Do you understand what red flags really look like inside yourself and someone else, rather than just toxically talking about things that make you feel uncomfortable and things that you just don't like and calling those red flags as if the other person has all these things wrong with them, and there's nothing wrong with you.
Speaker 0 00:18:20 I should have seen the red flags. You tell yourself, sometimes we stay in relationships long after the expiration date has passed. What are some telltale signs of this one? Or both of you don't want to do the work, or you have a general disinterest in actually listening to one another, or you really don't have any desire to do what it takes to stay together. Or you think it's gotten to a place that's beyond repair, or you've got a lot of anger and resentment towards one another. You don't respect each other. You're not talking to each other. There's no intimacy. There's no closeness. There's no communication or you've messed up so much. You don't even understand why this person keeps taking you back or sticking with you, or you keep cheating on the person because you just don't care. And by the way, if you are the person who keeps taking him or her back and sticking with him or her, you might ask yourself how much abuse does it take until you're done for some people, it's one negative comment or one physical assault or one major blowout for others.
Speaker 0 00:19:24 They'll stick around forever. Sometimes, no matter what the other person does, they just keep coming back and back and back again. This then teaches your partner. No matter what I do, this person is going to take it and be there. But for whatever reason, many of us get stuck in relationships and we don't let go. And on top of it, we stay in relationships for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with the other person themselves. And this ties us into our next, very important point, not breaking up because of something extraneous, something, other, something that actually has nothing to do with you. You don't want to be judged by your parents or your grandparents or your family. You have religious beliefs or cultural beliefs that suggest if you get a divorce, there's something fundamentally wrong with you. Or you just don't do this, or you're exonerated from your community or family.
Speaker 0 00:20:20 All of your friends think that you're the perfect couple, your self esteem and your ego is so big. You don't want to look bad in front of anyone else. You want to maintain this image. It's not healthy to stay in a relationship because you've gotten used to a particular kind of lifestyle or because of a certain house that you may own or car that you drive. And you're not willing to go without those things. So you stay in it. Then of course, there are the massively important things to consider such as having a family, having children choosing to break up a household, because the two of you are no longer compatible becomes a much heavier choice, but for many people not breaking up could come down to a matter of co-dependence could come down to a question of not wanting to be alone. And so you choose to stay with this person rather than be with no one.
Speaker 0 00:21:07 It could simply come down to not wanting to rock the boat or not being comfortable with change or the unknown because you like the status quo. You like predictability and certainty. Sometimes it's a bad pattern from childhood. That's telling you to tolerating abuse more than you ever thought you could before only to leave you wondering why on earth, you would tolerate any kind of abuse. These are the times to ask yourself if a friend of yours was in your situation. If a parent was in your situation, if someone you loved was in your situation, would you tell them to stay? Would you say stick through it another year or five years or 10 years, would you minimize abuse? And I'm not talking about assault here. I'm just talking about verbal abuse, neglect, disrespect. Would you tell your friend or family member if they haven't had sex with their partner in a month or three or nine or over a year here to stick through it?
Speaker 0 00:22:00 That that's what a good husband or a good wife does is no matter how the other person is feeling intimately, sexually, how they want to be with you or not be with you, just stay in it. What would you you'd tell your friend or family member, if they weren't leaving, would you continue to support them and respect them even when they continue to stay in something abusive or that doesn't serve them, or that made them miserable year after year after year, what are you waiting for? The fear of a breakup is often infinitely worse than the act. She will break up itself. The idea of judgment, fear of condemnation, the fear of what will your friends and family think or say. And we make it so big in our minds. And we blow up the idea of being alone as being tragic and awful. When in fact it could be the most liberating thing.
Speaker 0 00:22:51 Sometimes we beat ourselves up and we worry that we're never going to find someone else like our partner. Again, many of you think you're never going to meet someone again, period, simply by leaving someone who's not healthy for you and friends, this is just not true at all. Sometimes we say our new partner, isn't going to look at us this way or touch us that way. No one is ever going to do that. Funny thing, the way this partner does, or have sex with you the way this partner does, or look at you this way, we're convinced we're never going to find it again. And it's just not true. What is true is we're all unique souls. We're all unique beings. You're not going to find the exact way that someone looks at you loves you, talks to you. That's what makes it so special, of course, but it doesn't mean you can't be loved better.
Speaker 0 00:23:36 That doesn't mean you can't learn how to self love. That doesn't mean you won't get through this. And that doesn't mean there isn't another and another and another waiting for you. When you give yourself permission to exit something, unhealthy relationships are incredibly difficult to navigate. For most of us, they are incredibly difficult to sustain and incredibly difficult for most people to be authentically honest about what they need and what they're able to give. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's incredibly difficult for most people, to be honest about most subjects with their partner, things that if their partner knew or knew about them, perhaps the relationship wouldn't continue. I can't begin to tell you how many times I'll be in session with a couple of clients and one partner will disclose something or admit something, or it comes up almost frivolously. Like I'd love to try that, or I'd love to do this.
Speaker 0 00:24:30 And inevitably the other partner's eyes get really wide and they look over at them. And as if in disbelief like you do, you would, that's something that you like, whether it's enjoying something new or trying a new position, or maybe doing it outdoors or being in public while they're doing something sexual. And you know, I'm actually a really big fan of healthy, committed relationships. But sometimes that person who we have in our lives right now is not that it's not your one sometimes. And it's really hard to admit. We're no good for them either. And yet, sometimes we stay other times still we'll keep our partner imprisoned in a relationship because we're too lazy to let them go or too cruel or too mean, or too cold. Sometimes we don't let someone go who would be amazing for someone else because we would rather handcuff them to us than be alone, or to see them happy with someone else that's called selfishness.
Speaker 0 00:25:25 Some people even keep their partner trapped in relationship just to have more power over them, just so they can't go do anything on their own as a way to control them. People are cruel. People are self serving. People look out for themselves. And this is something. If you're a really good person or you've always been such a wonderful, sweet giving person, your whole life, you need to know about how the world works. Even someone who loves you, even someone who cares immensely has self interest in mind as well. Some people's guilt and shame makes them feel so bad. Or they are fear of looking like a bad person makes them behave differently. But most people are very much looking out for what's important to them.
Speaker 0 00:26:08 Okay. Moving on with our next point, inevitably, when we meet someone new, we think that they have a huge possibility of being the one, the one, normally we think because of the circumstance in which we met them, or because they accepted us or made us laugh, or we're so confident, maybe we feel like they see us the way no one else does. Or sometimes it's because we were putting our best foot forward or because you happen to share the belief that everything happens for a reason. We think that this is it I've met my match. And there's something really cool about them that you feel very drawn to something that you're really comfortable with or in the case of many or most men. And often women, you just think they're hot and you want to have sex with them or having sex with them makes you feel more sexually attractive.
Speaker 0 00:26:54 So you go from your single life or your previous breakup to investing everything into this person. And then often what you thought was going to be your perfect dream relationship. Whether it's a few weeks, a few months or a few years down the line takes a very drastic turn. We're going over all of this because so many of us are so unprepared by the time of breakup comes around, we have no tools, no resources. We haven't thought through this very much. We've only sought the counsel of our friends and it hasn't gone very far. So when you think about things from all these different angles, it can often soften the blow. But the biggest benefit is that it lets you bring consciousness, awareness and choice into all of your future relationships. Maybe a breakup is in fact, something that's appropriate for you now based on the relationship that you're in.
Speaker 0 00:27:40 And if you notice that, yeah, I'm going through some of these things. Some of these things in this podcast are happening in my life right now. Maybe that makes it a little more gentle on your heart. And so you don't have to feel so much guilt or pain or shame or remorse when you finally decide to bring an end to it. So the idea of selectively sifting and carefully choosing it's funny, every girl thinks she's picky. Every single one, no one. I've never heard another woman say to me, Oh, I just go with whoever I fall in love with everyone, sleep with everyone. Every girl thinks she's picky and yet divorces breakups pain inside the relationship on a regular basis. For those of you who think that you're such a picky person or such a picky lover, how is your relationship going now? Being picky is a very interesting thing to self proclaim because it sort of insists that you come from the place of judgment and selection, regardless of how they might feel about you.
Speaker 0 00:28:39 I'm the one doing the choosing. I know what's best for me. I'm very selective. But in fact, we've all had relationships in situations where we've chosen poorly and to break up in sous. Alright, so even though you might be hurting really badly right now, you might find yourself confused. You don't know where to go or what to do next. When you finally do get through your breakup, you will eventually come to this next phase. What am I going to do next? How am I going to take care of myself? What type of relationship do I really want to step into? That's going to be healthy for me instead of just the status quo or default, because I let myself fall into a committed, monogamous relationship, because I've always been that way. And that's how mom and dad did it and not just what's natural to me. And so I sentenced the next person that I felt deep sexual attraction to her connection to, to a lifetime commitment with me.
Speaker 0 00:29:34 Next concept is romanticism is a terrible lie. And what is romanticism? Where did it come from? Who fed to us? Why do we believe so strongly in it? This idea that there's only one person alive for us, our soulmate, our one and only, and once we find them, we'll live happily ever after once we fall in love and we recognize within ourselves and within them that this is the one they'll never be any arguments or problems or fighting. We'll both want sex at the same time, we'll have sex all the time. When someone's not in the mood, it will be no problem. Cause you won't be in the mood. Either everything will work out fine and don't even get me started on Disney princesses. Where does all of this come from? Obviously movies, poets, writers, people with excessive amounts of time on their hands to only talk about love and romance with romanticism.
Speaker 0 00:30:23 We want our partner to know us on a profound level, without even having to ask. They'll just instantly know what we need. We'll never have to speak up because they'll already know what we want. They'll be generous, loving, kind, supportive. They'll cherish us. They'll support all of our good habits and our bad habits. They'll love us for who we are. Of course, you're both going to support each other equally and you'll fit perfectly into your roles as a man or woman or other, and you'll know exactly what your place in the relationship is. And it will be a fulfilling one. You're never going to get upset about what he or she didn't do. It's just always going to work out and it's going to be easy
Speaker 2 00:30:59 Because you love each other,
Speaker 0 00:31:02 Right? Hmm. And let's not also forget that there's always going to be perfect, delicious, hot magnetic sex. And that my friends is one of the biggest downfalls of our society today is expecting that, believing in that, thinking that that is how it's going to be for you and that you are somehow different from everybody else beyond the honeymoon phase of your new relationship. Because as you know, from all of your previous marriages, relationships, encounters, indexes, some of you can't even go five minutes without being aggravated annoyed or pissed off or over it with your significant other, a person sitting in front of you now. So when we fall in love, who do we actually fall in love with what's going on there? We want to believe it's the person we want to believe that we've somehow seen their essence, that we are masters of this. And we know who they really are. We convinced ourselves that this is who we fallen in love with, or have many of us fallen in love with what's been presented to us. Do you remember seeing movies from the 18th century where people were putting powder in their hair to make it look more gray, wearing wigs and skin tight corsets, colognes, and perfumes and elaborate dresses, all done to attract a mate
Speaker 2 00:32:19 Deceptively. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:32:21 Are we any different today with pushup bras and eyelash extensions and hair dye and butt implants and chest implants and heels and tanning and laser and all of these things to get us the furthest possible distance from who we really are. And yet the very thing that we want someone to fall love with is our essence or who we really are. But in today's world, when it comes to how we feel about ourselves, we are unacceptable. We have to present something else to the world. We do so much to change our appearance so much to ourselves to make us look aesthetically theoretically, better or more desirable, more sexually attractive. So then someone new comes along, sees this blown out version of you with filters and mascara and push up bras and implants and injections and makeup and shadow and accessories at a party where you're dancing and someone who you might otherwise have never attracted someone who might otherwise have never spoken to you.
Speaker 0 00:33:25 Not because the normal version of you is worse, but that person isn't attracted to two different types of people. The person looking for the made up the done up the dolled up is a very different person than the one who wants to accept you for who you are more often than not. So it's not that I'm saying that the natural version of you is worse. God helped me. I'm big fan of natural beauty, but because you've spent time making yourself look like something that you're not. So he shows up completely fooled and mystified by the appearance. You guys sleep together. Ooh, who was pretty good. It was a little fun and exciting. Maybe a little rough in the right places. And you do it again and again, and now you're dating this guy who is attracted to something that was never you to begin with.
Speaker 0 00:34:14 Now you're in a relationship with someone that you've captured or caught through deception and deceit because of what you've done to yourself and make yourself look like. And now you have to live up to this reputation of always looking this way. But what happens when he's no longer feeling attraction and you don't understand, why do you do more, more injections, more stuffing, more cosmetic changes to yourself. Sadly, it doesn't stop with hair. Dye, eyeliner, contouring lips, and nails. It's also attitude when people act demure or mysterious or feign shyness, or pretend there's someone else. And then they have to keep up this act indefinitely. And then when the true you comes out, you wonder why relationships don't work for me at this point in my life. I'm very clear on what I'm attracted to and what I'm not attracted to. And I find it easier and easier to see through all the cosmetic enhancements. I care so much about who someone is at the core of their being, how they look when they wake up first thing in the morning, not how many hours they can spend putting on a face or getting constant cosmetic treatments to try to look like every other woman who seems to be in competition with one another for the most similar looking face. So when you finally decide to go through with your breakup or once your breakup is complete and you get through it, maybe in your next relationship, you can try much harder
Speaker 2 00:35:41 To do less,
Speaker 0 00:35:43 To not be someone who you aren't to not act like someone who you're not or try to look like someone that you're not. And it's really hard because people have gotten really good at pretending that they are more powerful, better, stronger, more, sexually attractive, more confident rather than finding
Speaker 2 00:36:02 Peace with who you are,
Speaker 0 00:36:04 Letting inner confidence shine through. Recognizing that with minimal effort, you can still shine and be beautiful that people out there do want these sort of things that it's not all about being a trophy or a status symbol or making a certain amount of money. And I get it in today's world more than ever. This is not easy. You take one flick down Instagram and suddenly you're made to feel irrelevant or an attractive or insignificant because you're not photographing your breakfasts, your breasts, your fake eyelashes and your lip injections. What do you really need?
Speaker 2 00:36:39 Love
Speaker 0 00:36:40 Touching caressing quality, time, validation, attention complements. What was missing from the time that you grew up in your childhood? What didn't you get? What do you wish you had in almost all relationships? We are going to have to deal with the unusual and very strange things that happened to our partners during childhood, how their fathers treated them, how their mothers treated them, things they've gotten away with. Cause no one's called them out on it. Whether it's bullying or yelling or fighting back or hitting or being mean or being rude or just always getting their way or running around with a sense of entitlement. So knowing all these things, as you begin to approach your next relationship or what you may want to call in for yourself in the future helps you begin to think early on, who am I attracting? What kind of person is this?
Speaker 0 00:37:28 Is this person serving me? Am I serving them? Is it a relationship or is it one sided? You know, all those little red flags that you think you ignored in the beginning, get ready. Here comes a long checklist of things to avoid the challenges you had when they slammed the door and disappeared for three days. After an argument, when they turned to drugs or alcohol or weed to cope with their problems, when they take their anger and yell at your child or your animal. When they go from getting high three times a day to getting high all day, when they can't put down their phone or compulsively are addicted to watching movies when they don't know how to sit still, when they have to distract themselves at every turn, when they completely shut down, simply because you raised your voice or they raised their voice at you all the time.
Speaker 0 00:38:09 And it feels terrible when they flat out lie, because acknowledging a flaw in themselves is something that their psyche can't handle when someone always has to be right when they don't know how to apologize when apologizing is an ever an option when they're controlling, when they're dominant, when they play the victim, when it's always about them, when it's all their show, when they're needy, when it's never enough, when they're vengeful, when they're sarcastic and when the level of ego is unprecedented, that's what you have to look forward to times 10 during a breakup, all of the bad behavior, all of the things that you don't like gets exacerbated when people get triggered or upset or hurt, our worst part of ourselves comes out. So what that means is right now in this very moment, if you're with somebody who runs away, if you're with someone who is unwilling to face their problems, if you're with someone who shuts down, if you're with someone who closes off and can't talk, when things get tense, if you're with someone who gaslights you or who blames you or who jumps into the victim role, even though you're hurting about something, your breakup, if you haven't noticed already is going to be such an exaggerated version of that.
Speaker 0 00:39:18 It's going to make your head spin. Because when you've seen someone at their worst in relationship, that's a taste of what your breakup will actually be like. See, being single can be great sometimes, because look at all this stuff that you get to avoid, be aware of this kind of thing, especially if you're just starting a relationship with someone new. And you're not sure if they're right for you, consider this. If you're really, really hurting about breaking up, but the other person has some really bad qualities that don't sit well with you. You don't have to buy into the idea that this is your one and they are the only one. And your ship has sailed and you'll never meet another one like them and your whole life is going to come crashing down. If you're not with them, none of that has to be true.
Speaker 0 00:39:59 It might be hard for you to see right now, but there's always another and another and another. Not exactly the same, obviously, but you will get through this. You will survive. And if you can recognize when a person isn't right for you or healthy for you, you will come out of this happier. Now I know some of you listening are probably thinking to yourself, this isn't for me. It doesn't apply. You believe that everything in your relationship right now is perfect because you have great sex and some pretty darn good communication. You might say we don't fight. We don't argue. It's just easy. We just get each other. We don't have heated debates. We agree on everything. If there's a problem, we solve it. The sex is always wonderful. Everything is just simple. It just takes a favorite word of everyone in the spiritual community.
Speaker 3 00:40:43 Communication.
Speaker 0 00:40:46 Sure. Listen, I love moments like that too. I love them for you guys. I love them for my clients. I love them when they happen in my own life. But if you think you've got absolutely no issues and nothing to worry about in your relationship right now, a very warm congratulations. You must be one of the 0.00, zero, zero 1% who has the most perfect relationship ever. But as we all know, what happens with this honeymoon phase is in fact, just that a cycle, a season it's often something that for most people wears off or runs thin, or someone stops trying or reality sets in, or people have different beliefs about what it is to be committed in monogamous or even married. Or we simply stop being on our best behavior. And then people say, well, my partner changed. Or you might say the real you comes out because you can't sustain the act that you've held onto for many, many months or a year or two.
Speaker 0 00:41:36 Listen, there's nothing I want more for you than to have your happily never after just kidding happily ever after. There's nothing. I want more for you than to wake up every day and feel positivity in your chest to wake up feeling great morning, noon, and night, just the right amount of text, just the right amount of communication and sex and sexual tension mixed with comfort and the stability that your partner is going to be there for you. But inevitably for most people, it's a phase. It's a phase that can certainly come back and it may have been flow ease, but even if it's your first year or two or three, and things are really good. When you really start sustaining with someone, it gets remarkably challenging. That's often when you start to shift into this belief that this person's been with me all these years, they've stuck through it with me.
Speaker 0 00:42:21 They're my rock or my soulmate. They've been here for me all this time. And a sense of love and appreciation comes from them. Sometimes, sometimes enduring you or sticking it through. You often hear men say she puts up with me or she deals with my BS. And as a society, we value that now to be fair, I do know one or two couples like this who never seemed to fight, never seem to argue, always seem to love. One another have been with each other for years have had children have gone through the ups and downs have gone through the repressions financial difficulties. And yet somehow in the eyes of the outside world, they still seem to be totally happy. And this or the idea of this or the person who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who likes this is what people, particularly women hold onto as a possibility for themselves.
Speaker 0 00:43:19 But, but, but, but, but, but you don't always know what's happening behind closed doors. The only people who know are the ones involved on a day to day basis. You don't know how deep the wounds are. You don't know how they react towards one another. You don't know how quickly they get triggered. You don't know if they're staying in it simply because they want the companionship. And because they don't want to be alone, you don't know what their sex life really looks like. And in fact it might be completely abysmal. There's just a lot that you don't really know. And so in fact, your friends are probably lying to you or what you're seeing on social media and at cocktail parties and dinner parties and small gatherings and video chat is not, what's really going on in the home. And especially in the bedroom, you know, I'm all for loving life.
Speaker 0 00:44:08 Oh, life is wonderful. I'm all for celebrations of life. But I can't tell you how many people I've seen have a terrible day and then have one little good thing happened. And then they amplify that on social media, talking about their amazing life and how spectacular it is. It's really great to amplify the positive things of course, but this isn't usually what's happening for most of the day. Most people value, appearances, how they look and how they look publicly more than anything else on the planet. You've heard me talk in other podcasts about how your friends possibly even you would sooner throw someone else under the bus. In other words, ruined them somehow, financially, spiritually, emotionally than take responsibility for something small, admit that you lied, admit that you were wrong or that you just exaggerated because you felt like it.
Speaker 0 00:44:59 So hopefully most of you know, right now, life is not Instagram. Life is not what it appears to be on Instagram. We all are struggling in one way or another. We have really great moments here and there, but life can be hard. Relationships can also be hard. For example, ladies, how many times have you spoken to a girlfriend? Who's complained, been upset, been hurt and bothered, been stressed. She's having anxiety about a guy who she's seeing and she just needs to have a girl's night. How many times when you ask her how she's doing the responses, it's complicated or she's really going through a lot right now, or she's really going through some heavy stuff right now. How many times has that happened today, alone, or this week or this month? It happens all the time. And it's nonstop. So apologies for being the bearer of bad news.
Speaker 0 00:45:49 But yes, your friends are probably telling little white lies to you. Flat out. We do it out of protection. We do it to save ourselves. We do it because it's not politically or emotionally or socially, correct to bear all your problems. No one wants to be that vulnerable. No one wants to put their private life on blast like that. But everybody is often having a harder time than you think. And of course my client roster and anyone else who does this works, client roster reflects that to me. It actually just comes down to a question is, do you want to do something about it? I'm not sure we all have have wonderful moments, but if you pull out and you look at the day to day, the week to week, the month to month, sometimes even the minute to minute, most people's lives are a really strong swing of ups and downs.
Speaker 0 00:46:35 And for many sadly, unfortunately it's a lot of down, down, down one positive moment down. And so it's worth asking if you're not with someone who you're totally head over heels for and everything is going perfect and wonderful all the time. What is your relationship like? Is it a series of arguments and rebellion and aggressiveness and down, down, down, down, Oh, we had great sex down, down. Oh, he gave me a compliment, right? Is there more to it? Or is it time to move on? When you're with the wrong person, it becomes very glaring, but how good are you at taking action on that? And none of this has meant to be doom and gloom. I'm not here to make your relationship feel hopeless or few tile on the contrary. There's so many things we can do to turn it around or to help you step into a healthy one. I'm not suggesting that there's no relationship that can actually work out. When we first meet someone and we get that magical feeling, or we think falling in love or lust or have an infatuation. We often don't have a chance to know all the baggage that they carry, where they come from, what they're dealing with, what their struggles are, especially if you're intimate right away and right away can mean instantly on the first date or second, third or fourth people don't really begin to show their colors for a long time.
Speaker 3 00:47:51 Okay? Check this.
Speaker 0 00:47:53 All of our friends, family, probably over half the people listening to this many people love to submit ideas to their friends. Like when it's done, it's done. When it's over, it's over because you know, you're getting Sage wisdom here. When someone declares that a word is a word. I never look back. I don't look back into the past. My least favorite. Actually my least favorite is it is what it is. There's a reason this person is your ex. There's a reason we aren't together anymore. Not sure what that is, but there's a reason. Consequently, these are also the same people who say everything happens for a reason, but then never know what that reason is. They continue with more ideas. Like if you belong together, you would be together. When you know, you know, and perhaps some of the most psychologically devastating statements on the planet today, if it's meant to be, it will be.
Speaker 0 00:48:37 If I'm supposed to be with him, we'll be together. If it's meant to work out, it will happen. I don't want to force anything. I just think it should be easy. Everything should just fall into place. Every single time you hear a statement like that, it would be my personal recommendation to run in the other direction, for instance, who or what exactly is going to make everything fall into place and work out and be meant to be what action will be taken and what sign will there be for both of you to recognize that you're meant to be together? What will be the determining criteria for you to know that if it's meant to be, it will be, does an angel float down from the heavens part, its arms and declare it's meant to be my,
Speaker 3 00:49:20 How do you get the sign? How do you find out without
Speaker 0 00:49:24 Any action on your part, any decisions and any responding to the person who wants to be with you also, who exactly decides that if it's meant to be, it will be. What if your partner has decided that it's meant to be, do we both sit quietly in our houses with zero communication until this miraculous moment occurs? Or if you say it should just happen easily and effortlessly, it shouldn't take all this work relationships aren't hard or they don't have to be hard. Does that mean that you are an expert in relationships or that they just happen to you? Or are you someone who has a lot of needs and always needs to be taken care of? Does your partner get a choice in deciding whether it's meant to be finally? What if you think it's meant to be? But I don't think it's meant to be,
Speaker 3 00:50:11 Are we meant to be,
Speaker 0 00:50:14 But make no mistake friends, I'm a firm believer in the ways of the universe. Yes. I understand that things do fall into place and things do happen in a way that is oftentimes inexplicably. I believe in going downstream and going with the flow. I in effortless, I believe in easy. I believe in things happening easily as well. I love the feeling of flow, whether that's through a workout or meditation or a connected time with a loved one. And I also love those type of effortless qualities in relationship to, but in order for a relationship to exist in order for it to thrive in order for there to be hot chemistry in order for there to be passion, it actually takes doing something on both people's parts, not just showing up, not just hoping that it's going to fall into place, not just willing it into being.
Speaker 0 00:51:00 It's not that it takes hard manual labor, but there has to be some form of talking, connecting, expressing how you feel giving of yourself and not just taking, responding to messages, answering your phone, making a relationship work involves both people saying yes. In fact, in my coaching practice, I won't even work with couples. If one person is in and the other is out or they don't show up or they're not willing to participate full out, I will facilitate a breakup. I'll mediate it with you. I will support you both in going your own individual directions. But if both people aren't on board to take action and do something about it, then we don't go forward. Now moving into some new territory, we all know as well that sometimes you're in a relationship or some form of partnership and someone magically and out of the blue decides that they're not feeling it anymore.
Speaker 0 00:51:54 Suddenly they have answers such as the past is the past. Everything happens for a reason. I don't ever get back together with my exes. It's worth noting. And we'll come back to this later that whoever is over at first, well, not only are they the ones who decide that it's not meant to be, but everything should come to an end because you know, they're done and nevermind what you might be feeling, nevermind how close you are, nevermind how involved you are in the relationship. They're over it. So even if you're regularly having sex with someone, or you went on a little mini vacay together, or you got out of town or you're feeling some really strong emotions for the other person, if someone just uses the phrase, I'm over it. Oh, well, I guess it's just not meant to be. And so I'm really not a fan of expressions.
Speaker 0 00:52:39 Like I'm over it or I'm just not into it anymore. Or I don't know. I'm just not feeling it anymore because it completely discounts what's going on with the other person. It's all fine and good. When you don't feel it, you're done. You're over it. You're ready to move on. You don't even want to think about the other person anymore. But on the other hand, if that's done to you, if you're close with someone you're having sex with them, you're talking on a regular basis and then they move on or they meet someone else or they just suddenly lose interest. How do you think that's going to feel if you're someone who hides your emotions or you're in a powerful relationship, now you say to yourself, I'll get over. It wouldn't be a big deal. No, you would be reeling. Especially if you fell in love with them or you felt love for the first time, or you cared for them deeply where he'd been with them for a long time, you would be destroyed.
Speaker 0 00:53:26 Now, if you don't really care about someone, that's a different story. We can also talk about that. What are you doing? If you're with someone who you don't really care about, what are you doing, seeing them over and over. If you're only tepid in terms of your feelings for them. And you're only partially in it or just in it for the sex. Does your partner know that? Do they know that you don't care as much as you don't the hardest part about relationships? In my opinion, is that almost without fail, it's very difficult for two people to like each other in the exact same way or the exact same amount or quantity. There's always someone who likes the other person a little bit more, has a little bit more power in the relationship. And that's actually very unfortunate because they tend to wind up getting their way or having things go their way, which in the long run really isn't their way.
Speaker 0 00:54:14 Because if someone is not acquiescing, but being forced into doing it your way, because you're the loudest voice in the room where you're obstinate or you're really, really obnoxious, or you throw a tantrum or throw a fit, or they don't want to piss you off, or they don't want to hurt you. Are you really getting what you want? Are they getting anything that they want? Is that really a relationship? And so if you're in something where you realize that you have less power really consider if it's doing it for you, if it's working for you, if you're getting what you need out of it and consider stepping into something that leaves you feeling more like an equal. All right. So to wind down with part, one of how to properly handle the breakup or prepare for one, take a moment to consider what your ideal breakup would look like if you had no choice, but to have one, how would it look?
Speaker 0 00:55:01 What would you feel? What would be said? Would it be done via text or phone or in person, would you guys spend time holding and loving each other and crying? Would you sever immediately cold Turkey and block their number all almost 20 something year olds on the planet today? What is a perfect version of that look like to you? Can there be such a thing as a perfect breakup when you're losing someone that you love and adore many so-called spiritual people now love to take to Facebook and Instagram to publicize their breakup as they call it a conscious uncoupling and share it with the world. And sure we can play with that phrase. If you are going to create a conscious uncoupling yourself, what would it look like? Would you be friends? Would you be able to talk right away? Now you may know that it's actually really hard to talk to someone right away when you've just broken up, because you don't know what you are, where you're going, what you're doing, when feelings are involved, it's actually very difficult to stay in touch for the first part of a breakup.
Speaker 0 00:55:56 As you know, people tend to fall into one of two categories with breakups. There's the kind of person who now that it's over, you must never, ever, ever speak to your ex again. It's like, they're dead to you. And then as if people come from another planet entirely, the other group of people enjoy being cordial or maintaining a friendship, or at least having some sort of acquaintance in your ideal breakup, would you like to be chill or kind, or sweet to your ex? What about actually becoming friends? You know, that sentence that you like to tell your future? Ex-boyfriends, let's just be friends, but you know how then you never become their friend or even remotely behave like a friend. What if you could actually be friends, could you imagine sharing closeness or intimacy with an ex in the immediate or distant future? Could you imagine having sex with your ex again, if the idea of that grosses you out, or you think it's disgusting or wrong or bad consider who you're sleeping with right now, if anybody consider the partner that you're with right now, who is with you and you want them maybe all the time or several times a week, you're with them, you love them and you care about them.
Speaker 0 00:57:06 And now imagine you suddenly break up for whatever reason from this point right now, do you never want to share any kind of intimacy again, not even in two or three years. What if you saw each other five years down the road, both of you are single, healthy, looking better than ever. Would you like to be able to share some form of intimacy and intimacy doesn't have to mean sex? It doesn't need to mean sex at all. It can mean a warm hug, a tender gaze. It could mean something like a snuggle, a commune, a date. It could mean a dinner out. Would you like to maintain that kind of relationship with all of your exes? If you wouldn't, if you can't even believe I'm speaking such things, why not? Or if you would like to maintain that, assuming you were single in the future, why would you want to connect with them again?
Speaker 0 00:57:53 For most people, it's a fear of loss or not wanting to disrespect their current partner. If they're with someone, they wouldn't want them to feel bad or give them any doubt that they're still talking to someone else. But what's interesting is while most people might enjoy a quick fling or one evening of hot sex with an old ex or an old flame, once again, very few people would actually like to get back together with them. Very few people would like to give it another go every once in a while they could there's that one person in your past, he might feel that way with, but if you've had several Xs or several lovers, most of those people in your heart of hearts don't particularly matter to you much anymore. And so it's very interesting to watch the flux of thought and emotion. The person who we have in our now reality feels like everything. It feels so important. It feels like maybe you can't imagine a life without them. And yet you put enough time and distance between you and you realize it's okay, you're still alive. You're still around. That was a really hard time. And I don't like minimizing by saying you moved on, but other things have caught your attention. And you've restored your love for yourself, which is a lot of what we're going to be getting into. In part two is talking about how to care for yourself, nourish yourself when you're going through a real breakup.
Speaker 0 00:59:05 Many of you may be feeling as you're listening to this. Oh gosh, I can never go back to a previous ex when it's done, it's done. It's completely over your heart is severed. All the emotion is gone. At one point in life, you let them inside of your, every nook and cranny, and now you couldn't be caught dead next to them for you. It's definitive and finite. And what that tends to mean when you want to wipe your hands, clean of the person who you loved and adored and slept with and woke up with every day, when you want to be done is that there's a massive amount of pain that you've dealt with, either your childhood or growing up or in your previous relationships, but especially in this current relationship. And you are in so much pain that you can't fathom being friendly to someone who you broke up with after all.
Speaker 0 00:59:49 That's what a breakup is. This uncoupling. You're no longer together. You no longer share the closeness you once did, but if you really love somebody, if you really believe that your love is unconditional, the way that you claim it is for your partner. Now, if you really left on a high note and you felt deep, unconditional love for them, why would you not want to continue to have that person in your life? Would you ever treat a best friend that way? If for whatever reason, you couldn't see your best friend or close friend or even acquaintance anymore for a while after five years, would you be like, Oh man, we broke up years ago. I've never speaking to you again for the rest of my life. You know, everything happens for a reason. And when I'm done, I'm done.
Speaker 2 01:00:38 So
Speaker 0 01:00:39 Humor me for a moment and imagine that you stay really close to one of your exes. Some time has passed. You've had some time to heal and you wind up still being close. And here I'm not suggesting open relationships and polyamory and cheating on your future partner. None of that. But imagine you both happen to find yourself single two, three, four years down the line. Sometimes we think about our acts and we say to ourselves, I could never be with that person again, I've grown so much. I don't know what I was thinking. And they don't know what they were thinking, being with you. And that's generally because you've reached a different level of awareness or want or desire. You become a different person. You've grown into a different place and you guys are no longer a match for one another. So why are we exploring all of this so deeply, if you're experiencing a breakup right now, or you have survived a breakup, you're dealing with the aftermath and you're still wishing, maybe you're still yearning to hear their voice, to be in touch with them, to love them, to see them one more time to hold them or to be with them still.
Speaker 0 01:01:42 Sometimes it helps to think about how you feel about your previous exes. Now, do you want anything to do with them while you're hurting about this one? Don't they almost seem irrelevant. Have you ever had a breakup where a person meant everything to you and you thought your world is falling apart, but now since then you've had two or three other relationships. Alternatively, sometimes it's helpful to think about how your partner shows up for you thus far, especially if there's a lot of negativity involved or they have a lot of qualities that really leave you feeling hurt or angry. Do they communicate with you the way that you like? Are they taking so much space that it's torturing you? Do you feel smothered by them? What about their ability to have a conversation with you during conflict? Do you feel heard, listened to, or steamrolled their ability to show love towards you and understand that you were in love with each other? And this was something that you had and maybe something shifted their ability to understand that you are hurting too. And you're also a person that needs some understanding. Are they showing up as the person who you want to be with? Or are you just holding on to a feeling from the past
Speaker 3 01:02:52 Here,
Speaker 0 01:02:53 Friends bringing an end to your relationship. Doesn't have to be hurtful spiteful mean cruel, rude, distant, or devastating. You don't have to shut down. You don't have to be an accountable and you don't have to be fueled by rage or hurt. It can be very, very different. All right. That was a very nice primer for thinking about your breakup, thinking about why you're in the relationship that you're in now, thinking about what you want. If you're getting it from your partner, how they show up for you and how they respond and react. When you ask something of them, whether it's emotionally or sexually, hopefully this episode has given you a really good idea of whether or not you actually want to stay and whether or not you're actually getting what you need out of your relationship. Good. Join me now in part two, where we're actually going to discover how to handle the break of itself.
Speaker 0 01:03:55 You're going through it. You're hurting, you're suffering. You're in a lot of pain. For many of us. We don't even think we're going to survive another day. It's hard to breathe. We feel miserable all the time. I'm going to bring in several tools and resources, things that you can actually apply, do something with which, you know, the closest podcast is all about real things that you can do to help you get through. Thank you very much for listening. And if you resonate with this work, don't hesitate to reach out for a coaching session. You can work with me one on one or two on one with your partner or three on one. If you've cut multiple partners, I'm located in San Diego, California, and we do sessions worldwide over video chat or live. And in person finally, as always, if any of these episodes have made a measurable difference in your life, please consider donating our Patrion. You could do a reoccurring auto debit on a monthly basis, and it helps us tremendously with getting these episodes created. If you haven't already subscribed to us on YouTube, it's youtube.com forward slash closeness. And of course you could find us anywhere else. Podcasts can be found. Spotify, Stitcher, Deezer, Google, Apple, Pandora, and anywhere else you can dream of listening or tuning in. Thanks so much and have a great day.
