Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Happy holidays and welcome to the Closeness Podcast. My name is Tari, I'm your host.
[00:00:05] Speaker B: And today's Talk is about 10 faux.
[00:00:07] Speaker A: Pas to avoid when interacting with a partner or someone new. If you're not familiar, a faux pas.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: Is a French word for an embarrassing or tactless act or remark in a social situation.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: And I'm also using it a little loosely to describe unnecessary behavior, things that.
[00:00:25] Speaker B: We don't need to say or do, things that get us into trouble, things.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: That tend to, oh, I don't know.
[00:00:32] Speaker B: Ruin your relationship, tank a conversation, eliminate.
[00:00:35] Speaker A: Intimacy, and distance yourself from your partner.
So in the same way that we love to learn about all things sensual.
[00:00:43] Speaker B: And sexual and how to do all.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: The delicious stuff in other episodes of the Closeness Podcast, this one specifically is geared towards women to understand some aspects of themselves that maybe you're unaware of, maybe just happens by default or unconsciously. And I want to offer some insights and alternatives so that you can be more successful in your relationship and or in dating. I'll say it here, and also at the end of the episode, there are infinite things for men to work on. We're not perfect, I'm not perfect. No one is.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: But this episode and the last one just happens to be particularly geared towards women.
Before we begin, here are a few.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: Things that this episode is not it's not about bashing women or being derogatory towards women, but it's definitely about pointing out some areas of improvement which we can all use. So with that being said, let's jump right into faux pas Number one.
Our first insight deals with exaggerating, over.
[00:01:40] Speaker B: Exaggerating, highly exaggerating, excessively exaggerating. Possible effects of this may include clinically diagnosing men with psychological conditions whilst being equipped to do so, and using completely disempowering vocabulary to insult or degrade a current or ex partner.
[00:01:58] Speaker A: Now let's examine this habit with a few examples.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: Is your boyfriend or husband a little too preoccupied with himself, maybe a little arrogant, a little proud, maybe?
[00:02:10] Speaker A: Or is he the narcissist?
[00:02:13] Speaker B: Is your partner shy, perhaps doesn't like big groups? Is he a little careless, perhaps socially awkward? Or is he a sociopath?
Does your partner like or enjoy the company of woman?
[00:02:26] Speaker A: Or is he a womanizer and a man whore? Did you and your partner have consensual.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: Totally safe, completely sober sex last night that perhaps wasn't as good as you would have liked it to have been? But rather than moving on or having a conversation about it with the man with whom you've slept has he become, for you and all of your friends.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: Trash and a joke?
[00:02:51] Speaker B: When a man expresses any of his preferences regarding the female form and what he might like, no matter how sweet, loving and possibly playful the comment was.
[00:03:00] Speaker A: Intended to be made, but for some.
[00:03:02] Speaker B: Reason the way you chose to hear it offended you and hurt you. Do we now call him the body shamer? Do you refer to yourself as non judgmental and an equal opportunity dater? Believe that you don't shame men for any of their shortcomings or inequalities, but would never date or sleep with a man who's shorter than you, your height, or in some cases even a foot taller than you? Could you in some ways also be body shaming? Or do you just have basic standards and preferences? If you yourself suggest to your partner that you may need to lose a little bit of weight or would like to lose a little bit of weight and your partner agrees with you, has.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: He once again body shamed and humiliated you? Is your partner naturally attractive to women.
[00:03:44] Speaker B: Or is he a sexual predator?
[00:03:47] Speaker A: Did you misunderstand something your partner said or has he become a manipulator?
[00:03:52] Speaker B: When you were younger, did you have.
[00:03:54] Speaker C: A couple hot experiences with an older gentleman or two who taught you a lot of things in the intimacy department and took really good care of you, but now that you're older, you find that men of a similar age bracket don't seem to be as interested and therefore you've concluded that any man who.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: Might be attracted to or interested in a younger woman, that is most men, is a groomer and a sexual predator.
[00:04:15] Speaker A: A boy who never grew up and a man who's too insecure insecure to handle a woman like you?
[00:04:21] Speaker B: Did you meet a friendly guy at a gathering or a party or some event who, after sharing some lively conversation with you and was connecting well with you, put his hand on your shoulder.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: Knee or hand with a warm smile.
[00:04:34] Speaker C: Out of sincerity and to connect deeper with you?
[00:04:37] Speaker B: And did you recognize that if you were attracted to him sexually, it would.
[00:04:40] Speaker C: Be the sexiest thing he could do and you would welcome much more, but.
[00:04:43] Speaker B: Because you happen to find him unattractive.
[00:04:46] Speaker C: And were not sexually attracted to him.
[00:04:48] Speaker B: Did you tell all of your friends.
[00:04:49] Speaker A: That he groped you with his disgusting hands?
[00:04:53] Speaker B: Would you be do you accuse a.
[00:04:56] Speaker A: Man of being a narcissist or do.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: You have a hard time if a.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: Man refers to himself as a king, a don, a dom, a prince, a deity, or a God and demands that.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: You treat him as your lord but you didn't bat a fake eyelash when you referred to yourself on a daily basis as a goddess and a princess.
[00:05:14] Speaker A: Who hosts regular goddess ceremonies, circles and drinks cacao If a random man walked by you and said hello at a park, grocery store or yoga class and you notice that you felt slightly uncomfortable, did you easily brush it off and take responsibility for your part? Or did he target you and then start acting like a creep with scary, aggressive energy?
[00:05:36] Speaker C: Did your partner forget to tell you something or not tell you something because it never really occurred to him to do so?
[00:05:42] Speaker B: Or did you consider your partner to.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: Be a liar and someone who has lied through omission?
[00:05:48] Speaker C: Did your partner properly and promptly communicate plans with you, but then, through no fault of his own, had some unexpected change? Is this part of normal everyday life? Or did he become a liar, a.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: Liar, and someone who needs to be kept on a short leash by using sentences like that's not what you told me I thought you said and that's not what I remember.
[00:06:08] Speaker C: Have you had one or two bad experiences with a man who was perhaps out of your league or not interested in you?
[00:06:14] Speaker B: And as with all of us, we had to take the good with the bad? Or have you globally decided that men are trash?
[00:06:22] Speaker A: Okay my friends, so as you're listening to these, what do all these statements have in common and what's manipulative about them?
[00:06:28] Speaker B: What do you notice that's dangerous about these assumptions and exaggerations, or even dangerous about men as a whole?
[00:06:35] Speaker A: Everything is extremely exaggerated, and the danger of engaging in exaggerated behavior like this, or verbally speaking it, or talking to your friends about it, is that you're taking something that is otherwise just a belief or feeling inside of you, or even an insecurity or fear, and then unfortunately, blowing it out of proportion and amplifying it into a language that's poisonous.
[00:06:57] Speaker C: And using it to contaminate beliefs about someone that can actually affect them long term, or affect the way others look.
[00:07:04] Speaker A: At that person as well?
[00:07:07] Speaker B: It's pretty rough to accuse someone of something that you truly don't know the.
[00:07:11] Speaker A: Meaning of and are not qualified to diagnose.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: Unfortunately, people really like catchphrases, and when they catch on, no matter how disturbing.
[00:07:20] Speaker C: It is, people begin to use words and expressions that really have no place in our society.
[00:07:26] Speaker B: But it's important to know that with all of this exaggerating, you can really ruin someone's life. Some women do it on purpose, some.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: For attention, some enjoy doing it, and.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: Again, some don't realize they're doing it simply because it's Become pop culture to use phrases and expressions like this. And then, frankly, some women do it just for the drama of it because they love the excitement or the reaction.
[00:07:49] Speaker A: Or negative attention that it causes. Now, if your partner is clinically diagnosed with ADHD and bpd, by all means use the expression when he's comfortable with you doing so.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: But the key phrase here is clinical.
[00:08:02] Speaker A: Diagnosis, not pop culture. Phrases that you and your girls just throw around out of a matter of convenience.
And that rather effortlessly brings us to faux pas number two, which is flinging.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: And flicking around clinical diagnoses and toxic vocabulary around as if it had no ramification or cause and effect, almost as though you were, one, academically educated to do so, two, had a deep understanding of what it was, and three, were somehow convinced that all you're doing is talking about it when it's really having.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: A much more dangerous effect to the person in general.
[00:08:37] Speaker B: And so the combination of these first two faux pas over exaggerating and clinically.
[00:08:42] Speaker A: Diagnosing people in a very negative way.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: Well, it has a devastating effect on your reputation, and it dramatically changes the way people view the person that you're talking about.
In fact, by spilling poison into your friend's ears, you actually change the opinion and belief they have of someone.
[00:09:00] Speaker A: Almost like a mind virus.
[00:09:02] Speaker B: And you can make your friends and anyone else who's listening to you fear.
[00:09:06] Speaker A: Or dislike someone simply based on a.
[00:09:10] Speaker B: Word or a description.
It's super easy to get caught up in a moment, get irritated, annoyed, feel like you want to get revenge on someone. I see so many women who say, good, this guy deserves it.
[00:09:22] Speaker A: I want him to suffer.
[00:09:23] Speaker B: And the truth is, in some of these situations, sometimes the guy didn't do.
[00:09:27] Speaker A: Anything except talk to you. Now, can men be creepy and dangerous?
[00:09:31] Speaker B: Of course.
[00:09:31] Speaker A: Do men sometimes, just like women, say really inappropriate things?
[00:09:35] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. Please.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: No. I'm not talking about the exceptions. I'm not talking about situations where you might be in danger. In countless episodes, we talk about caring for women, being respectful towards women, and we teach them how to love, adore, and cherish you. But we really want to be careful.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: With the words we use here because.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: You don't want to demonize all men or all people. We don't want to lump all men into one category. All men, hardworking men, good men, good fathers, people who are building roads and buildings.
[00:10:03] Speaker B: We don't want to put people who.
[00:10:04] Speaker A: Are there to protect you into one nasty category any more than you want.
[00:10:08] Speaker B: Any man to say, you're just like all other women.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: I mean, that's practically kryptonite for most women.
[00:10:14] Speaker B: Who's that quote from? I'm not like all those other girls. Oh, yeah, all those other girls. We've got to realize that at least.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: In the United States, if a person.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: Touches a woman's hand or shoulder, like, boop. Just a little fingertip touch, that's considered battery and assault.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: Or, excuse me, battery and assault and.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: Battery and assault is taken rather seriously, as it should be when the word is used properly. But when we exaggerate, use strong language, act emotional, and become reactionary, it can.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: Really backfire against everyone.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: When you use strong vocabulary to reference things that aren't even minor infractions, you take all of the power out of the word.
Moving into our next faux pas, take a moment now to listen to some of these statements about a man who touched a woman's shoulder.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: I'd like you to really tune in.
[00:11:07] Speaker B: To how each statement makes you feel.
[00:11:09] Speaker A: In your body and what you think about this person when you know absolutely no other details other than this one sentence.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: In each example, we're talking about the same action. A touch on the shoulder.
[00:11:23] Speaker C: That man over there warmly leaned in with a smile and put his hand on my shoulder.
[00:11:27] Speaker A: When he said hello, that man over there tapped me on my shoulder.
That man touched me on my shoulder and I didn't like it. That creepy guy over there touched me on my shoulder.
That man over there just groped me.
[00:11:44] Speaker B: That guy over there assaulted me. That man over there manhandled me.
I just filed a lawsuit against that man for battery. Ugh. That guy over there just put his.
[00:11:56] Speaker A: Hands on me and I feel disgusted.
Now I don't even have to ask.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: How this imaginary man has taken shape in your mind when you listen to this. I could feel it in my own body when I said it. I can feel it inside.
[00:12:08] Speaker A: How using disempowering vocabulary or negative words or even just strong vocabulary can shape how you feel about something that didn't even happen. If you're a man listening, what did.
[00:12:21] Speaker B: You want to do to this imaginary.
[00:12:23] Speaker A: Man that we spoke of when the situation sounded negative?
[00:12:26] Speaker B: If you're a woman, how do you.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: Feel towards this man, and how does it feel in your body?
[00:12:31] Speaker B: And remember, we know nothing about who this person is, what he looks like, his energy, his approach. And I'd love for you to take this little thought experiment with you the.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: Next time you describe someone and maybe recognize that there's really not a need.
[00:12:45] Speaker B: To exaggerate behavior with negative consequences just for dramatic effect.
Let me show You a similar example before we wind down of what it sounds like if we do a similar thought experiment with an imaginary woman, a.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: Woman who simply had sex with a man.
[00:13:05] Speaker B: She had sex with that guy.
That woman just slept with him. That lady over there just finished making love to that man.
That woman was seduced by that man.
That lady seduced him. That chick has probably banged every guy in the room.
That skanky girl over there just had sex with that guy. Again, she's a hoe. She's a slut. She's a freak. Probably does a different guy every day of the week. That woman will rail anything that moves. Careful with that chick, bro. She's full of diseases. Oh, if you're thinking about hitting that.
[00:13:39] Speaker A: Definitely wear a condom.
[00:13:41] Speaker B: Language like this is nasty.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: I don't even like giving these examples.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: They're so gross.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: It's uncomfortable to say. It's uncomfortable to listen to.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: It's uncomfortable to talk like that about an imaginary person who doesn't exist.
[00:13:53] Speaker A: So I can't even imagine what people.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Go through when they're trying to purposely.
[00:13:58] Speaker A: Exaggerate and put someone down.
[00:14:01] Speaker B: Words matter.
[00:14:02] Speaker A: Your word choice matters, and it carries weight.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: And sometimes the pain of these words stays lodged in our brains and bodies for a long, long time.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: And in a world where most men want to come to a woman's defense.
[00:14:16] Speaker B: To help her, we want to believe that if a woman is upset or.
[00:14:20] Speaker A: CR or telling an emotional story, that.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: There'S truth to it. But if you're inappropriately or mistakenly constantly.
[00:14:26] Speaker A: Using disempowering vocabulary like this out of.
[00:14:29] Speaker B: Spite or out of anger, you're vilifying men. And if you're really interested in closeness, love, or you want a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, we have to come up with better vocabulary.
So what's an easy answer to this problem? What can you do? How can you grow as a person and learn to use your words wisely? Well, in this case, it's actually a very simple book recommendation. A very short, succinct book that is.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: Loved around the world.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: I'd strongly recommend that you either listen to the audiobook or read the Four Agreements. And if you've already read it, go back and read that section one more.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: Time about the word and giving your.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: Word and what it means to use your words thoughtfully, carefully, and respectfully.
Faux pas number three is about also.
[00:15:19] Speaker A: Using colloquial language like freaking out, having a fit, losing their mind, and having.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: A total meltdown to describe things that.
[00:15:28] Speaker A: Were very passive and normal in nature.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: I can't tell you how many times I've been in clinic watching a couple having a discussion where a man may have said something very simple and gentle.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: And in a normal tone like, no, no thanks. Yeah, it's not for me.
[00:15:43] Speaker B: And the female partner will describe his behavior or response as a total meltdown, a freak out, or even being a jerk. Men take things so literally. And if someone tells us that someone's having a freak out or a meltdown, that to us sounds like someone who's screaming, yelling, crying, breaking things, throwing things against the wall.
[00:16:03] Speaker A: I mean, just basically having a complete conniption fit.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: If a woman tells another man that a man is being very aggressive with her and all she means is his tone, or he didn't take no for an answer once because he lingered for a few seconds, the man is most likely going to hear that he physically assaulted her or is being rough with.
[00:16:25] Speaker A: Her or is manhandling her in some way.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: If you tell another man that someone's making your skin crawl and making you feel very uncomfortable just because of his energy or you don't like something about him, some men hearing that are going to go look for some serious trouble.
And you got to know that anytime you say someone is too this or too that, too needy, too insecure, too dominant, too aggressive, too assertive, this suggests that there's sort of a known barometer.
[00:16:50] Speaker A: For this and that everybody knows exactly what just the right amount is.
[00:16:54] Speaker B: When in fact, since most of us think of ourselves as being special and unlike others, the precise way that you like a man to come on to you, you like your partner to flirt with you, seduce you, be assertive or confident or dominant with you, is very specific and unique to you.
[00:17:09] Speaker A: And not every woman is going to want it the same way.
[00:17:12] Speaker B: It's a tricky balancing game that we as men have to play when we're trying to get to know you in the beginning and even in a long term relationship.
So instead of trying to understand what actually happened or where the breakdown in communication was, it just makes the other person seem like a bad guy. Like the other person has an issue while you are the innocent victim. I wonder if it ever crosses anyone's mind to say, hey, I appreciate you coming up to me, but your approach is a little strong. It's making me feel a little uneasy, but you seem cool. And what works for me, what I like is a little bit more space, a little less physical contact, or hey, try this. What works for me is a little bit softer tone, or what works for.
[00:17:53] Speaker A: Me is being a Little less wordy.
[00:17:55] Speaker B: In most interactions with men and women that may possess an intimate nature to them, Women only reject. They don't follow up with what they.
[00:18:05] Speaker A: Might like or what they might like.
[00:18:06] Speaker B: Instead, or a better approach. It's just, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And in danger dating, it's on to the next, on to the next. And then in today's day and age, it's all about putting this man on social media, recording him illegally, talking about him behind his back on a public worldwide platform.
Another reason why we must be so careful with our labels and exaggerations, especially towards men, is because they're so much more dangerous for men. A man who's described as being a creep or aggressive or a narcissist or a groper, well, in that case, everyone's concerned. Men tend to step forward and protect women, distance themselves. Everyone's freaking out about who that guy might be. But if someone says, oof, watch out for that bitch over there, she's kind of crazy, dude. Or even that girl is psycho. No one's particularly worried about this. No one's walking on the other side of the street. No woman is coming over to put her in her place. No one really cares all that much. No one feels fear. No woman is coming to a man's rescue. If he accidentally slept with a crazy girl and now she's trying to get him out of that relationship to help make him feel safe, the consequences just aren't there. And I think because of that, women have an ability, a power to get away with a lot more because women never have to pay the price for these words. When people use strong vocabulary to describe others and the punishment doesn't fit the crime, the words are too strong to describe what actually happened. You may never think about them again, but they stick with the person who you insulted and they stick in the minds of those who you said that to. It's hard to change people's perception, and here the golden rule applies. If you wouldn't want this done to you, don't do it to others.
Faux pas number four is insulting, degrading, putting down and picking apart another woman's appearance or minimizing it. Some of you in relationship may have heard particular comments about how your wife or girlfriend feels towards your exes or someone else's exes or someone else who another man is currently involved with.
Sometimes it would seem that if a man feels competition towards another woman or senses that her partner is interested in her, her choice words about said woman could be pretty brutal. Sometimes the assault could Be direct. And sometimes it could be passive aggressive. So what's the first thing women will tend to say? Say it with me now. Oh, is that your ex over there? She's cute. I guess if that's the kind of thing that you're into. She's not my type, but I could.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: Kind of see why you might find her attractive.
[00:20:43] Speaker B: Oh, she's got a really pretty forehead. Well, if I'm really honest, I'm kind of turned off right now and grossed out because her and I aren't even.
[00:20:52] Speaker A: In the same category. I mean, I really have to question whether we should be together or not because.
[00:20:58] Speaker B: And what's amazing is I've watched women do this to their partners. About women who are absolutely drop dead.
[00:21:06] Speaker A: Gorgeous or have phenomenal physiques.
[00:21:08] Speaker B: How nice would it be if sisters could acknowledge their fellow sisters and speak favorably even when they feel like they're in competition and not slut shame or look shame.
[00:21:18] Speaker C: Hmm.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: Maybe you could admire her beauty in the same way you admire a majestic mountain or a beautiful animal, a cute puppy as opposed to. That's what you're into. Or my favorite.
[00:21:29] Speaker D: Look at this. Look at the hands. Look at all of the cellulite and everything. And look how she. She's like short legged buffalo. I have a mother. Look. Yeah, I have a gorgeous body.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: Get the picture?
Faux pas number five is pretty interesting. And it's picked up a lot of steam over the last five years. I think I'd call it something like ignoring all men at all costs, no matter what situations where maybe you're about to bump into him or did bump into him, but still pretending he doesn't exist or refusing to acknowledge men in any way. Holding animosity and negativity towards men as a whole and feeling often inappropriate amounts of fear, anger, rage, even in the safest of activities with people all around you to make you feel safe. Now, I understand there's a whole secret system that women have. You don't want unwanted attention. You don't want to give someone the wrong idea or the wrong impression. You already had a dozen people look at you and say hi today. You do want attention, but from the men who you're attracted to. You're not in the mood to talk to anyone else. Anyone who thinks you should be friendly or smile or be polite is misogynistic. You don't want anyone coming up to you or approaching you or complimenting you unless he's your type. You don't think people understand what it's like to be a woman. It's not your job to smile or make anyone else feel comfortable around you. You don't have to say hi to anyone, and you're not obligated to smile at anyone. And all of these thoughts are valid points. As part of my research for the podcast, I'll often spend time in silence, just observing people in nature, observing people going about their day to day activities, or people watching, if you will.
[00:23:06] Speaker A: And something I notice more than anything is that many men, and by that.
[00:23:10] Speaker B: I mean the ones who I can see with my own eyes wherever I go, recognize. It's anecdotal, but I observe most guys just bumbling around doing their thing. They're getting work done, they're walking with a purpose.
[00:23:20] Speaker A: And if a woman walks by, which happens dozens and dozens of times a minute, he may glance in her direction or smile or say hello. And I recognize this is in everybody. But from a male's perspective, watching other.
[00:23:32] Speaker B: Men interacting with other women, I find most guys to be very neutral or shy or friendly or helpful or resourceful or kind. Right? We're not talking about exclusively bad boy men who you're attracted to.
[00:23:48] Speaker A: And I know every woman has a story about men who have catcalled them or made inappropriate comments.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: But didn't that happen without you making.
[00:23:56] Speaker C: Eye contact or acknowledging his existence anyway?
[00:24:00] Speaker B: Didn't that happen without you even glancing in his direction? Yes, this is poor behavior done by a tiny fraction of men that are on the fringe. It's not most men, but it is a particular kind of man. But it shouldn't ruin it for all men any more than a particularly combative woman should make all men think that all women are.
We live in such a fast paced.
[00:24:23] Speaker A: World now that nobody wants to interact with anyone else. We're busy doing our own thing. Anyone who slows us down to say hello or asks us a question is a problem or a threat.
[00:24:33] Speaker B: And many of us are lost in our own world or on our cell phones. And I'm the first person to say, listen, most of us live in North America. You're not under any obligation to do anything with anyone, or to look at anyone, or to interact with anything.
But at the same time, I do believe, and you've heard me talk about.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: This before, that we have an obligation as a functioning member of society to at the very least be polite and respectful to those in our immediate vicinity. And I'll give you an example to really drive that point home, I want you to imagine you're at the DMV or a restaurant, especially a fine dining restaurant you're going out somewhere nice, and.
[00:25:12] Speaker B: The person who working there is a woman, and she never looks you in the eyes, never acknowledges your existence, never speaks to you with respect. And in a professional setting where they should be treating you with respect, they just say something like, do you want something to drink?
[00:25:31] Speaker A: Do you want anything else?
[00:25:34] Speaker B: Here's the bill. And have you ever had a server not even acknowledge your existence? She just stares down at her notepad or off in the distance or down at the table. Perhaps if you're a woman listening, you haven't experienced this, but this is a very common occurrence with men.
[00:25:48] Speaker A: Have you ever had someone at a market or a DMV just say something or say nothing to you? What do you want next? Sign here. Do this. And can you feel how disrespectful that is? How unpleasant it is to interact with another human being who is trying to pretend you don't exist while doing their job?
[00:26:08] Speaker B: It's awful.
[00:26:10] Speaker A: And something around the programming that women are getting these days about ignoring all men, hating all men, thinking all men are dangerous or all men are trash, and all of this nonsense, well, it's caused women to behave in some very strange and peculiar ways.
Modern women of today will sense when a man is nearby and do absolutely everything in her power to silently make him feel uncomfortable, to make herself feel uncomfortable, and to make the entire interaction that otherwise would have been absolutely nothing. As unpleasant as it can be, she'll.
[00:26:46] Speaker B: Freeze up like a statue and stare straight ahead of her.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: No matter how close she is to brushing shoulders with a man, even if.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: She brushes shoulders, even if she bumps into him or almost does, she must stare ahead like a robot and pretend that this man does not exist.
How hard is it to utter a sound? Oh, excuse me. Hi. Sorry about that. Oh, hi.
[00:27:08] Speaker A: We almost bumped into each other.
[00:27:09] Speaker B: There is no world in which another human doesn't know when they're passing by in close proximity to another human. It's a learned trained behavior to have to ice someone out the next time you're at a cocktail party or shopping.
[00:27:23] Speaker C: At Whole Foods or going to yoga and you brush shoulders with another man. And I know many of you do, of course, say, excuse me.
[00:27:30] Speaker A: This is like normal behavior for many of us.
[00:27:32] Speaker C: But notice, if you purposely lock your eyes forward, if you duck out of the way, if you don't say anything, if you ignore men, if you pretend basically that other men are dead or.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: Don'T exist, how do you feel on the inside towards all other men without knowing anything about them, whether they're dressed in a suit. Big and bulky, tiny and thin. Small, old, young. If you do pretend like other men are dead to you, why do you do that?
It's my observation that I only see one of three responses that women give men 5 to 10% of the time or less. That means maybe 1 in 10 or 1 out of 20 women may acknowledge a man's existence with a nod, a smile, a brief moment of eye contact.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Or saying, excuse me.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: But the rest of the time I observe women being as cold, distant, shutdown or disrespectful as they possibly can. So much so that it actually causes an unpleasant reaction in others and themselves. Purposely ignoring men, pretending they don't exist.
[00:28:32] Speaker A: Doing everything they can to not make.
[00:28:33] Speaker B: Eye contact, completely ignoring another man, saying excuse me, hello or pardon me. Now, of course, again, the disclaimer. I understand it's different to be a woman. And yes, eye contact can be an invitation when it's held for a long time and you linger and you make a certain face. But glancing in someone's direction to acknowledge that they're alive does not make most men approach. In fact, most men are terrified, terrified to approach you. And the ones who do don't care whether you look in their direction or not.
[00:29:02] Speaker A: Now, most men are invisible to most women anyway.
[00:29:06] Speaker B: So what's the solution here? I think one is an acknowledgement that we now live today in the safest world that has ever existed in the history of mankind. And in almost every situation, during daytime hours, in safe neighborhoods, when you're going about your business. Not two in the morning in a nightclub, not in some dingy alleyway where.
[00:29:27] Speaker A: Someone'S doing crack, not in an abandoned.
[00:29:29] Speaker B: Warehouse, but the day to day activities that we do. There are cameras everywhere. You have a camera on your person at all times. Possible that you carry around pepper spray or in some cases a firearm. Everybody's recording and posting everything, all the time. And most men will jump to another woman's rescue in a provocative situation. You can click your cell phone button five times and it will immediately dial the police. There's security guards and police officers everywhere you go. Emergency call boxes on college campuses and high schools. For all intents and purposes, our lives.
[00:30:05] Speaker A: Are not in danger.
[00:30:07] Speaker B: But you keep watching True Crime. You keep watching America's Most Wanted and all these dark horror movies about terrible things happening to women.
[00:30:15] Speaker A: Why, yes, there have been a tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of things that have happened to some people.
[00:30:22] Speaker B: Now I understand. I know the statistics are pretty outrageous for sexual abuse, for assault, and I'm not Talking about being alone with a man in a room somewhere. This faux pas is about how we behave publicly towards one another. Do we really want to run around ignoring everyone all the time where men and women just all pretend each other doesn't exist? We don't help each other out, don't talk, we don't say hello, we just go about our business. I think many of us are probably hearing that, thinking, yeah, that'd be the best world we can live in. I'm not so sure about that. Do you know, in my sessions, I've had so many women report to me.
[00:30:57] Speaker A: That when someone said hi to them or gave them a compliment or acknowledged their existence, how good it feels in.
[00:31:02] Speaker B: A man's world when he's seen or.
[00:31:04] Speaker A: Acknowledged or someone just says hello, you have no idea how you're making his day. You have to realize as a woman, you are getting attention in one way or another all day, every day from dozens of sources and dozens of places, nonstop.
[00:31:19] Speaker B: It's like a drug.
[00:31:20] Speaker A: And women want. Many women want more of it as much as possible. More likes, more acceptance, more admiration, more.
[00:31:27] Speaker B: Compliments, as long as they're attracted to.
[00:31:29] Speaker A: Him and like him. Whereas the attention most men get is precisely zero.
Maybe a top 5% man with, you know, looks and status and what have you is surrounded all the time by beautiful women who are vying for his attention. But most men exist with 0, 0 attention from the opposite sex. Try making someone's day. Try smiling. Try realizing, wow, I can say hi to a hundred people and maybe one.
[00:31:57] Speaker B: Of them, gosh, maybe he got the wrong idea and tried to talk to.
[00:32:00] Speaker A: Me for a minute or two.
[00:32:03] Speaker B: Now it's also worth discussing. How do you make eye contact with men? Are you warm, inviting, friendly, neutral, peaceful? Or do you go out of your way to look arrogant, fussy, insecure, frustrated, cold, mean, shut down, snooty, snotty, arrogant, snarling? Do you act disgusted or roll your eyes or stare in the opposite direction on purpose? Do you sneer, make nasty faces? I mean, how much more passive aggressive can someone.
And why solicit negative energy from people if you are like that?
You got to think about what kind of world you want to live in. Do you want everyone to ignore you and be mean and cold to you all the time? I know there are some of you who think that's great. Or do you believe in a world.
[00:32:50] Speaker A: Of good feelings, good vibes, friendliness, happiness?
[00:32:54] Speaker B: You know, every time a friend has ever introduced you to someone who they may not even know or not know, all that? Well, you've put a smile on your face and were friendly and said hello. You were cordial, you were polite. If you go to a friend's birthday party, or any party for that matter, generally you're pretty happy to meet new people or if someone comes and speaks to you, it's perfectly acceptable. These are also strangers. These are also your potential ax murderers. And by the way, when your house is burning down, should men ignore you? Should the firemen disregard you because all men are trash, or we don't deserve to be acknowledged?
If you're carrying something heavy and it falls out of your arms and onto the floor, would you like a man to kneel down and help you gather your belongings? If you're in heels or in a dress or feeling embarrassed, or if it happens in the middle of the road, or should he just look down, roll his eyes, and keep walking?
[00:33:48] Speaker A: Should a taller man help you reach something that you can't reach in a store? Should a stronger man help you open something?
[00:33:53] Speaker B: If you want the benefit of men's good graces and men's good nature, it can't only be when it suits you, but you ignore us the rest of the time. So I think it's a really healthy thing to acknowledge that other people are alive, to simply be friendly, cordial, and polite at the bare minimum. And if you're able to do that, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised and shocked how good it feels, how well you're treated. And maybe little by little, we can begin to chip away at these negative perceptions we have towards others as a whole.
All right, moving along to our next faux pas, we've got the I called you, but you didn't answer when I expected you to at the exact moment that I decided it was time to talk to you, but you weren't available syndrome. When you say something that sounds so simple, like I called you and you didn't pick up to a man, sounds like something that he did wrong. Oh, he wasn't available at the random time when I chose to call him, but it's actually rooted in your own entitlement or your own insecurity, such as a fear of what they might or might not be doing or attention that you're not getting, not what he's actually doing or why he didn't pick up the phone when you called, and to call out the very obvious pink elephant in the room. No one is available to pick up the phone 247 on a whim. When you decide it's time to talk to Someone. There are actually moments where the phone might ring and we are on a walk or working or in the bathroom or taking a shower.
Many women are very talented at doing something very unusual. They can very easily take something that they're feeling insecure about and very quickly make it the fault of any man. They can feel awful about themselves, but because they're feeling awful, it's the man's fault and he should do something about it. A simple example of that we talk about in sessions all the time. A woman feels undesired or unwanted. Someone should do something about this. Why aren't you pursuing me? Why aren't you making me feel hot? Don't you see all this? Don't you see these beautiful breasts in this butt? Why aren't you chasing me? It's making me feel insecure that you're not pursuing me. Now, in this particular case, it is.
[00:36:02] Speaker A: Important that the man pursues a woman.
[00:36:04] Speaker B: If they want to have a happy, healthy relationship. But that's predicated on her deep insecurity. If that doesn't happen, it's a need to feel wanted. Now, men can definitely be oblivious, but in many cases, we have no idea what's bothering you, because in our worldview, everything seems to be just fine. It's worth asking yourself, how many times am I making my partner feel bad or jump through hoops or give me attention or make him say certain things.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Or I'm asking him certain questions because I'm feeling insecure.
[00:36:37] Speaker B: I'm feeling less than or small or unattractive or ugly or unwanted. And so I lash out in these ways.
So, taking it back to our faux pas, I called you, but you didn't answer. So then what? Some of you take it so far as to say so. Therefore, I'm going to go out with my friends. I'm going to go get attention from other men. I'm going to play games.
I called at some random time, even though I was busy all day, but now I just decided to need your attention. You didn't pick up. So now I'm going to behave poorly.
[00:37:11] Speaker A: Or be in a bad mood.
[00:37:12] Speaker B: I called and you didn't answer. So what were you doing? And why didn't you pick up? And why didn't you take my call?
[00:37:18] Speaker A: Are you cheating on me?
[00:37:19] Speaker B: All of these questions, interrogations, threats, ultimatums, none of it's healthy for anyone. But in most cases, if you're with a good man, he's just, just like you, a little preoccupied with life.
Now, some women take this behavior even further. It looks like this. I called you at this random time and you didn't pick up. So I just assumed that the plans that we made three weeks ago are now canceled and I'm not showing up tonight.
[00:37:49] Speaker A: The only time I would like someone to assume that our plans are off is if the words actually came out of my mouth directly and I said, hey, we need to reschedule.
[00:37:58] Speaker B: So how does this sound? Said a little differently today I was.
[00:38:02] Speaker A: On my Snapchat or adding to my.
[00:38:04] Speaker B: Story or getting my hair done or working myself and I realized you hadn't called me. And it popped in my mind that I was feeling insecure because I wanted some attention, missed you, or wanted to talk to you. And so at 9:42 in the evening, I randomly decide to call you. But you didn't answer when I wanted to talk to you. Why weren't you available for me right when I called you? Well, now I'm pissed. So I got to treat you differently because the instant I wanted something, I didn't get it. So now I've got to treat you poorly and life's going to suck for a while. Doesn't that sound wonderful? Doesn't that sound like something you want to come home to or that you look forward to?
So I think, ladies, you really want to evaluate what kind of man do you want? Do you want someone where you snap your fingers and he just is at your beck and call, who's always available 247 waiting by the phone? Does the man who you want to be with have nothing going on in his life except for the time he spends with you?
What do I propose as a solution to all of this? As usual, some radical honesty. Be honest. Tell the truth.
[00:39:05] Speaker A: Hey, I called you and you weren't available and it made me feel wildly insecure.
[00:39:12] Speaker B: But don't stop there, ladies. Tell him why. The sheer fact that you didn't answer when I happened to randomly call you.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Well, it made me question whether you liked me or whether you love me. And I could really use some attention and validation right now. Can you please tell me some nice things? I mean, wow, what a difference compared.
[00:39:31] Speaker B: To having to fight or argue or.
[00:39:34] Speaker A: Already start off in an argument before you've even said a sentence.
[00:39:38] Speaker B: Attention that we get from others is short lasting. It's never completely fulfilling. There's always a need for more. And it only really works when someone is giving you their undivided attention. So why not find things that fill your cup outside of your partner's attention so you're not needy yourself and you don't flip the whole thing around and.
[00:39:58] Speaker A: Blame it on him for not picking up the phone.
[00:40:05] Speaker B: Our next faux pas also deals with dating or meeting someone for the first time. And it's asking as soon as humanly possible, what his intentions are. This question sounds innocuous enough, right? I just want to know what he wants.
[00:40:19] Speaker A: Does he just want me for sex? Am I a friend? Does he want something long term? Where are we going with this?
[00:40:25] Speaker B: And to make this really simple, before.
[00:40:27] Speaker A: We go any further, if you're trying to figure out what a man's intentions.
[00:40:30] Speaker B: Are with you, of course he wants to have sex with you.
[00:40:33] Speaker A: Now, whether that's in the package of a relationship or it's something casual or anything in between, the goal is always the same.
[00:40:40] Speaker B: Very few men are trying to deepen their friendship with you with zero physical interaction.
But here's the interesting part. Ladies, you also, if you're attracted to him, want to have sex with him in one way or another.
[00:40:53] Speaker A: How that looks might be totally different. Whether it's casual or in a long term relationship or something in between. You also likely want to be intimate with someone who you're getting involved with. Now, it may take you five days, five weeks, or several months to get there.
[00:41:08] Speaker B: But if you're courting, dating, or talking.
[00:41:10] Speaker A: To someone, it's because there's some intimate curiosity there. When you ask a man what his.
[00:41:15] Speaker B: Intentions are, it's clear what you're doing. You want to figure out, does he want to invest? Is this something casual? How do I need to think about this in my brain to go forward? A lot of times it's not that black and white for men either.
[00:41:27] Speaker A: How many times as a woman have you ever said to a man, I don't know what I want. I'm figuring things out.
[00:41:33] Speaker B: I need to just go out, have some fun and see where it goes from there. And these are all very vague general answers, which is pretty much the same thing most people are down to do. See where it goes.
Now, for many women, if you tell them, my intention is to have sex with you, somehow this will take away their interest.
[00:41:51] Speaker A: And if you tell them that your intention is to have a committed monogamous relationship that's moving towards marriage, this will.
[00:41:56] Speaker B: Also make them lose interest. And if you say, well, I'm trying to find a wife right now and have some babies asap, that also is likely to make a woman lose interest. These very black or white sweeping statements are alarming to anyone. If a woman told a man she's ready to have kids today, and get married, he would likely lose interest. And in fact, yes, there are some men where if you said, I'm looking.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: To have sex right away, he might even lose interest as well. Now, nobody likes having their time wasted. We all want to spend time with someone who has similar intentions or who's similarly in line. But demanding to know someone's intention before your first date, on your first date, or after your first date is kind of crazy.
[00:42:39] Speaker B: And yes, of course, if you're looking.
[00:42:41] Speaker A: For a one night stand or you want to come up to my place afterwards, you can say something like that, yes, it's my intention to want to be with you. But the where is this going?
[00:42:49] Speaker B: The what are we doing? The what are we? The what are your intentions? Most men don't know how to field a question like that.
[00:42:56] Speaker A: Now I'm sure in asking that question, you want to know, does he want to get to know me? Is this more of a serious thing?
[00:43:01] Speaker B: But ladies, have you ever given sex.
[00:43:04] Speaker A: Immediately to someone who you knew didn't want a relationship with you and held it back from someone who you did?
[00:43:11] Speaker B: Of course you have. In fact, many women have done something like this.
[00:43:15] Speaker A: But regardless of what a man is looking for and what his intentions are, if he's looking for a drinking buddy, a pal, a pen pal, someone to go to a show with, someone to hang out with, a marriage, committed monogamous.
[00:43:26] Speaker B: Relationship, if he's single and attracted to you and you just pulled your panties to the side and said, hey, do.
[00:43:31] Speaker A: You want some of this?
[00:43:32] Speaker B: It's been so long since I've had sex. Do you want to. You want to come upstairs with me? What do you suppose he's going to say?
[00:43:39] Speaker A: Asking what are your intentions?
[00:43:41] Speaker B: May also incentivize a man to say the wrong thing or what he thinks you want to hear. So the solution is simple. Hold off on questions like that for date number 5 or 7 or 10. Where do you see this going? What are your intentions? But if you're just starting to get to know someone, I think both people really need a little bit of time and a few nights together. Unless it's a purely sexual thing really isn't enough to know where you want this to go.
The next faux pas deals with time wastage, or letting someone know that they're a waste of your time, or sincerely telling them that you don't want to waste your time with them.
Sometimes it seems like women perceive relationships with men to fall into one of two categories.
[00:44:25] Speaker A: The fairy tale ending, a committed monogamous.
[00:44:28] Speaker B: Relationship, a house a car, two dogs, and some beautiful children or whatever their version of a long term committed relationship looks like. But if it isn't that, if it doesn't fall into that forever kind of.
[00:44:41] Speaker A: Category, and then when something isn't meaningful or isn't a committed monogamous relationship, well, we have words for this other kind of relationship that could be equally as fulfilling or satisfying or meaningful.
[00:44:55] Speaker B: But women don't see it that way. For some reason, it will often get judged, misaligned, or a woman will look at it or refer to it in.
[00:45:02] Speaker A: The following way as temporary, meaningless, pointless, transient, empty.
[00:45:09] Speaker B: And of course all of this gets wrapped into the label of I don't want to waste my time with you.
[00:45:16] Speaker A: And it's fair, women do not have as much time as men if they're looking to secure a mate or have children.
[00:45:23] Speaker B: There is a real biological clock which may play a larger role in a.
[00:45:26] Speaker A: Woman'S life when she's in her 30s.
[00:45:28] Speaker B: Last I checked, nobody wants their time wasted. Yet at the same time, we also live in a world of people who love to waste time.
[00:45:37] Speaker A: If you take a peek inside of.
[00:45:39] Speaker B: Any restaurant, bar, party gathering, rave trip, vacation, resort, what are people doing? Completely wasting time? Or said differently, chilling out, relaxing. Not really doing anything other than sitting and talking and socializing.
Have you checked your phone recently to see how many hours per day you spend on social media? What else are people doing?
[00:46:04] Speaker A: Drinking, chilling, vaping, smoking, watching tv, watching a game. So despite what you may think, people.
[00:46:12] Speaker B: Do a lot of time wasting watching.
[00:46:14] Speaker A: YouTube videos, being on Snapchat, making silly filters, posting stories of you eating and doing your makeup. Most of these things are not particularly memorable from the last 50 or 100 times that you did it. So when you're spending time with someone who doesn't perfectly match what you're looking for, it's not necessarily time wasted. It's a way to spend your time.
[00:46:34] Speaker B: Now, I'm definitely a proponent of not spending time with people who bring you down, not spending time with people who have bad energy. But I do think it's a little weird to say that anything that doesn't last forever isn't worthwhile.
Because anything that doesn't last forever is basically everything that you've already done in your past, everything you've ever tried, tasted, experimented with. It's all helped you to become the person you are today and to identify what you do and don't like.
[00:47:00] Speaker A: This relationship only lasted 5 or 10 or 20 years. Meaningless. It didn't work out. I mean, is the goal that you.
[00:47:07] Speaker B: Have to die together.
[00:47:08] Speaker A: Someone is going to pass away first.
[00:47:11] Speaker B: A 5, 10 or 15 year relationship.
[00:47:14] Speaker A: Is not a failure.
[00:47:16] Speaker B: Most experiences and relationships that we've had have helped us become the person we.
[00:47:20] Speaker A: Are today so that we can step into something new and something that we want even more.
If you're in an exotic country and someone offers you something so sacred, so delicious and so special, but you're probably only going to get to try it once or twice, maybe even thrice, is it meaningless? Is it pointless? Should you not do it because you'll never have it again and you won't be able to import it yourself? Of course not.
[00:47:45] Speaker B: You want to take the leap because.
[00:47:47] Speaker A: Life is about having wonderful experiences. I really encourage, especially women, to not monkey branch from one relationship to the next, to not have your foot out the door in one before you're already securing your next relationship.
So with this faux pas, I'm inviting you to consider if something isn't going in the exact direction that you think you want it to go, which by the way, changes by the hour, by the minute, and sometimes by the month or year, are you judging that person to be a waste? Are they meaningless?
[00:48:17] Speaker B: Is it pointless to talk to anyone else or spend time with anyone else? Or are they also a real human being who you can grow from, have new experiences with, and possibly allow it to blossom into something you never expected?
All right for our final faux pas.
[00:48:35] Speaker C: It applies to men and women.
[00:48:37] Speaker B: We all do it, and it's about giving extremely short replies or no reply.
[00:48:41] Speaker A: At all when it comes to answering the phone, texts or emails.
Remember in old movies when people used to write letters to each other with a real pen and they'd sign it sincerely yours truly or I remain? There were sentences and sentence structure, punctuation, commas, exclamation points, and maybe some of.
[00:49:00] Speaker B: Us have even heard of a period. It's easy to say that back then, formality ruled and things were a little bit, maybe pompous or overdone.
[00:49:08] Speaker A: But now things have swung so far.
[00:49:10] Speaker B: In the other direction that people strive for almost zero or the least amount of effort to communicate. I'll give you a quick example of something that men do.
[00:49:19] Speaker A: Finally, if I'm selling something on Offer.
[00:49:22] Speaker B: Up or Facebook Marketplace, and don't even get me started on people asking, is this available? When everything is available. But I digress.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: People tend to behave in one of two ways. One is classy, awesome, normal. Hey Tari, I've been looking for one of these. Would you be willing to accept this price? Or hey, can I come check this out later today. Hey, I saw your ad.
[00:49:41] Speaker B: This looks really good.
[00:49:42] Speaker A: When can I come see it? Do you have some time today? Basic communication questions. Something that lets me know there's a human being on the other end and then there's everybody else who apparently thinks it's normal or healthy to communicate with a number.
[00:49:56] Speaker B: So the entire communication thread looks like this. No hello, no hi, no greeting, not even asking if it's available. And try to imagine walking up to another human being and saying the following.
400.
Try to imagine being at the farmers market and someone walks up to you and just says 400. It's so unbelievably impersonal rude. You would never walk up to someone.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: And just spit a number at them.
[00:50:26] Speaker B: It's rude to be that short and cold with a perfect stranger. We all are part of a society.
[00:50:31] Speaker A: Whether we like it or not, and.
[00:50:33] Speaker B: That society is governed by norms. And the bare minimum of being polite, courteous and respectful is essential if we want to get along or move forward.
So how does all this come into play for communication or even dating? Well, there are people who are over 18, over 25, and even over 35 who exclusively speak emoji or in abbreviated colloquial phrases like lol rotfl Haha.
[00:51:03] Speaker A: Oh my God, I can't. I'm dead. Facts cap wid K hey, I'm bored.
[00:51:13] Speaker B: And so not only is there total lack of communication on their part, but.
[00:51:17] Speaker A: Also there's no caring or curiosity or fun or sexuality or intimacy or excitement coming from them to you. They don't have anything to ask you.
What's up and how are you? Can only get you so far.
[00:51:33] Speaker B: Now, if you're a woman, it's very likely you're used to people asking you all about you, how you're doing, what you're doing, what you're up to.
[00:51:40] Speaker A: But I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to remember that there's someone else in this equation too, who wants to get to know you and wants you to get to know them.
[00:51:49] Speaker B: Who wants you to be curious about.
[00:51:51] Speaker A: Them, not just shower you with attention.
[00:51:55] Speaker B: So what can you do with all of this?
Have some real conversation. Even if it's a first date. There's nothing worse than setting a date with someone a week in advance and then having zero communication until the very day it's supposed to happen.
[00:52:09] Speaker A: And then often that person will cancel or flake or change or forget or they didn't mark their calendar, but there's been nothing in between.
[00:52:16] Speaker B: Why not have a Quick phone call or video chat or send each other a few fun things, build it up a little bit, build some anticipation. You know, I've had some conversations with women where like 90% of their responses are actually LOL. But you'd be shocked how many women don't really want to communicate or have nothing to say or don't want to connect on a real level. So what are some things you could say?
[00:52:39] Speaker A: Hey, tell me something new that happened to you, what's something awesome that happened in your day to day, or how's it going? Are very basic openers that solicit more than just sup, how's it going, chill, bet, etc.
[00:52:52] Speaker B: The utter lack of communication from women in the very beginning stages of dating is so ironic to me because usually what happens once they start dating is there's an enormous amount of communicating, sometimes over communicating. It's all about finding a happy medium at the end of the day. Friendliness, greetings, great communication, a genuine interest.
[00:53:14] Speaker A: To get to know someone.
[00:53:15] Speaker B: These kind of things are never going out of style.
[00:53:18] Speaker A: Acknowledging someone else's existence, being polite and friendly, talking and communicating with someone who you gave your number to.
[00:53:26] Speaker B: These are all the basics and I.
[00:53:28] Speaker A: Think everyone can relate to what it's like to interact with someone who has a great attitude. One of my favorite examples is pick any restaurant that you may have been to.
[00:53:37] Speaker B: It could be Michelin star, could be.
[00:53:39] Speaker A: A hole in the wall, whatever it is.
[00:53:41] Speaker B: But this time the server is friendly, full of smiles and curiosity. They're easy to get along with, they're.
[00:53:48] Speaker A: Not too invasive, but they make menu.
[00:53:49] Speaker B: Recommendations and they make your experience at the restaurant into something that is elevated.
[00:53:55] Speaker A: Whether you're having a burger and fries or you're having a nine course meal.
[00:54:00] Speaker B: Has become almost enchanted because of the.
[00:54:03] Speaker A: Friendly nature of this server. It inspires you to give them money. It inspires you to smile back and give more. We can apply these same things to.
[00:54:11] Speaker B: Our day to day life and it makes a measurable difference in other people's lives.
All right, if you've gotten this far, thank you so much for tuning in. I want to emphasize again that I know no one is perfect. We are all a work in progress. Men make dozens and dozens of mistakes as well.
[00:54:28] Speaker A: We have our own faux pas and I talk about these in many, many other episodes. And ladies, don't worry. I give guys an especially hard time when it comes to learning how to seduce you and take care of you and make you feel great and, and.
[00:54:39] Speaker B: All the good things.
[00:54:41] Speaker A: So I appreciate you tuning in. If you want to learn a little bit more about what I do in the sex and intimacy department, please go to cravecloseness.com you can fill out an intake form if you want to work on something together with me or on your own. And of course, please check out other.
[00:54:54] Speaker B: Episodes of the Closeness Podcast, which deal.
[00:54:56] Speaker A: Entirely with sensuality, sexuality and all the.
[00:55:00] Speaker B: Other magic that happens in and out of relationship. Thanks for listening and have a great day.
